Matches and Napalm
by electric gurrl
Summary: Ty Lee plays with matches, Princess Azula slips away from being Ozai's perfect daughter, and the entire Fire Nation burns because of one reckless romance. In the wake of their affair, they leave only ashes. AU. Tyzula. Zutara. Complete.
1. a chance encounter

A/N: **Some Quick Facts about This Fic:**

It's 10 chapters long. Fully written and edited.

Pairing is Ty Lee / Azula.

AU is a modern one taking place in the Avatar World with bending.

Rated M for lesbian lemons, strong language, dubious consent, alcohol, minor drug use, moderate violence and non-graphic incest/rape/abuse.

POVs: Azula, Ty Lee and Zuko. I switch as little as possible to avoid confusion as best as I can.

* * *

_"Monsters are real. Ghosts are real too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win." - Stephen King_

* * *

chapter one: an unexpected encounter

* * *

_**Azula**_

"That lightning wasn't properly guided," comes the voice of the trainer I'm starting to despise. It would be nice if he were banished, or at least fired. Both are possible for me, daddy's little liar.

"I was just warming up," I snap, conjuring lightning. It vibrates through my body, and the only feeling that can be described is _euphoria_. Better than any other sensation, any orgasm. It hooks me and I guide the energy, harnessing electricity. My trainer watches with scrutinizing eyes.

I move through the motions, the ones I have practiced until my feet bled. They are the most advanced firebending forms and I dance through them as if they were meant for children. I let a final bolt of lightning crack through the gym and my trainer studies me closely.

"Impressive. Almost perfect. But one hair out of place," he says, gesturing to my forehead. I tear at the bangs that dared to ruin my practice and nearly rip the clump of hair from my scalp.

"Almost isn't good enough," I purr breathlessly, starting over again from ten forms ago. My trainer again watches, looking mildly intimidated.

I enjoy the look in his eyes. They sparkle with a particular fear. Everyone is intimidated by me, and they are right to be. I could end them all with a single word from my silver tongue.

He was hired merely to watch and give advice. I surpassed all of my instructors by the time I was eleven. That is what prodigies do; they move beyond what can be taught, and start to do the impossible. I am at the phase in my life when I am in the midst of the latter. Of course being a child prodigy wasn't _fun_, and it decimated any chances of me getting good at things _other _than firebending. But I'm relatively content with my perfect life.

"What do I have after this?" I ask the woman in charge of my schedule. As if, even after a few months of her working for me, I remember her name. Names are pointless; people come and go from my life in the blink of an eye. I conjure more lightning and just toy with the neon lights on my fingertips. It is _exhilarating_; so easily, it could kill.

"Dress fitting for your appearance discussing your conquering of Ba Sing Se," the woman recites as if reading from a book. But she somehow does it off of the top of her head. "Lunch with a reporter and your father has requested your presence at a war meeting."

_He did? Hmph. It has been a long time since I sat on my throne and decided which little boys and girls will die in the war._

My life is flawless. And I relentlessly pursue perfection to keep up with it. To prove my worth, my father sent me to bring down the walls of Ba Sing Se. My plan was simply; infiltration. Alone, I disguised myself as an honored guest, and then used the weak-willed but power hungry Long Feng to organize a singlehanded coup, after which I found myself sitting on the throne of the Earth Kingdom, admiring my work and watching my new earthbending pets of the Dai Li tearing down the walls of the city they once served.

The celebrations of my actions spread quickly throughout the Fire Nation. I went from the crown princess to Princess Azula the Conqueror. I quite like that title. It suits me well.

I go through a series of quick motions, a barrage of blue flame licking the air. And I finish it off by hitting a miniscule target across the room with a bolt of lightning. Cold sweat drips from my hair to my neck as I smirk smugly at my own work. There is no better solace in my life than endless training.

Three hours later, I'm sitting in a tea shop giving yet another interview. The Fire Nation is hungry for a hero. Sometimes people call me their _savior_.

"Is it true that you're the Fire Lord's greatest weapon?" the not-so-clever reporter inquires. I smirk.

"Of course I am. He trained me since I was a little girl to be unstoppable," I purr, tossing my bangs out of my face. My sparkling golden eyes lock with the dark charcoal ones of the reporter. She is good looking; I would fuck her. "I'm flattered by the attention he gave to my bending."

We are in a tea shop in the downtown of the Capitol. It is where all of the designer stores and rich people hang out, and one of the only places my father allows me to go outside of the palace. Sending me to Ba Sing Se, enemy territory, however, did not perturb him at all. He is overbearing, controlling and fills my life with endless training and tutoring. I suppose he has a right to groom me to be the perfect heir, as restrictive as it makes my life.

People hate him. Even people within the Fire Nation. But he's a good man. He really is. I know it.

"Your fire is blue, isn't it? They call you a prodigy," the reporter says, scrawling on a filthy notepad. I shrug airily.

"That's what they call me. _Prodigy_, savior, Princess Azula the Conqueror. I try not to let it go to my head," I lie smoothly, the words slipping off of my tongue.

I am slicker than an oil spill on an iceberg and twice as toxic. My father called me that once, one night when it was just us in the big empty palace. I laughed; he was right.

Today I find myself in love with my shirt. It is unbuttoned most of the way, the color of blood and taut short sleeves. A black miniskirt beneath with slinking knee-highs hooked to a ruby garter. And bright red shoes. Things in the Fire Nation _should _all be red, but this outfit I have taken a liking to. The only better thing than a girl executing traitors with lightning is a girl executing traitors with lightning in a sexy outfit.

"You're an admirable woman. More accomplished at eighteen than most are in their entire life. What are your thoughts on your Uncle going rogue?" the reporter asks and I recall an old headline: _The Dragon of the West Finally Loses It._

"Sometimes," I purr, picking at my long, manicured fingernails, "When people get old, they get obsolete. He never did get over my father taking the throne from him."

I'm lying. Uncle left to protect Zuko. It would be cute if it didn't make me so queasy. But if they are labeled as traitors, the more I cling to the throne in my near future.

"It would be accurate to say that Ba Sing Se hinged on your words, would it not?" the reporter asks as she sips her chai tea latte.

"Oh, it did. I talked my way in, and I talked the Dai Li into siding with me over the man who led them with decades. It was clear who was going to win. And I gave them a choice." I look at my own black coffee. I takes a small sip and tilt my head to the side. The sunlight illuminates my pointed, flawless features.

"What was the first thing you did once Ba Sing Se had fallen to you?" the reporter inquires and I smile with half of my mouth. She watches me intently, just a tad of fear in her eyes. I can read her whole life story, and it is a pathetic one.

"I sat on the Earth King's throne, of course," I say smoothly, my voice sweet like artificial sugar. The reporter laughs and I politely join her. The interview ends without a hitch. All of those lessons in speaking certainly paid off.

"It was wonderful talking to you, princess," the reporter says, extending her hand. I shake it forcefully, her fingertips at my command.

"The pleasure is all mine," I purr as she bows to me and closes up her notepad. "I'll be looking forward to the interview."

I walk to my limousine, slipping inside.

A brief car ride later, I arrive at the palace in the heart of the metropolis. It is archaic in architecture compared to the glimmering buildings of industry. The flowers are getting overgrown and the gardener's should probably be executed for it. I walk inside and see the generals already moving towards the throne room; I might be late.

My pace quickens as I enter the throne room, which is illuminated by the red blaze of the throne. My father's expression is masked by fire.

I bow to my father. He sits on the throne, red fire burning around him. I briefly imagine it as azure, illuminating the room in an eerie blue. The throne will be mine; I swear it will. I lift my lips from the floor and stand on my feet. My father's eyes focus intently on me.

"Join me, little princess," he says, the nickname one I have outgrown around the time I won the war for the Fire Nation on my own at seventeen. But I climb up at his right hand and sit down behind the mask of flames. A war meeting: exhilarating.

Zuko went to a war meeting and it finished with the end of his life as he knew it. I come to them and when I speak, my father murmurs words of assent to the point that generals bow to me. I was always the favorite for the throne.

I watch the generals enter, thinking of cruel nicknames for them in my mind. My cold heart amuses me on a daily basis. Carefully, I examine their eyes, watching their intentions. The fear within them permeates the air, and I feel the undeniable urge to exploit it. But today, I must be obedient to my father.

"The rebellion in the Earth Kingdom needs to be quenched," Admiral Zhao says, offering his fleets to help end the last of the rebels. I leave my eyes on him.

_True firebenders don't breathe so... loudly. Zhao is weak. Hmph._

"I'm assuming you all have proposals," father says and I lean back. This will be interesting.

"We do, my lord," the men say, close to groveling.

The meeting goes on for a long while.

When I practice, everything else goes away. There is harmony and logic, no doubts or fears or anxieties. I dance through the poses, twisting and sparring with invisible opponents. The summer dawn is stained blue as I try to burn down the sky. The advanced motions were memorized from scrolls, but I added twists that make them even more powerful.

Running at a tree, I push off of it with one foot and sustain myself in the air with fire from my hands. No firebender has ever done that before, and I am the only one who has accomplished it. I did it when I was younger and instructor number fourteen was beyond impressed. He told everyone he knew about the outstanding thing he saw the princess do.

This is my life. My life is fire and politics, but they are both as cold as ice. All I desire sometimes is something dangerous and enticing, something to tantalize and tear apart the mundane nature of my world. Maybe a romance... maybe not. I have known I liked girls since I was little, and around the same time I figured out that I had no heart and probably would not be able to keep a girlfriend except for out of fear.

But sex... that I could crave. I hooked up with a photographer once. She was taking pictures of me and my azure flames for a cover story on Ba Sing Se. She was eyeing me and I could read the arousal in her expression. And so I stripped down and we fucked, tongues and fingers exploring, heart racing in fits and starts. I would be lying if I said it wasn't my first time, and it was a little disappointing and left me empty inside for days. But a sordid affair might be what I need to escape reporters and practice.

"Your father requests your presence."

I turn around and see a servant groveling. His lips move, grass between them as he talks. He is far too frightened to make eye contact with me. I examine him for a moment and merely nod, walking past him.

Still sweating and garbed in frayed training clothes, I walk to my father's throne room.

"Zuko has been spotted," my father says as soon as we are alone. I choke slightly as I stand from my bow. "I need you to take care of him for me."

"He can't come back," I purr and my father gives me a silencing glance. I terrify grown men, even publicly execute them, but my father... I do not cross him. Our relationship is complicated.

"I need you to be aware of his revival. If it comes time to call on you, be ready. It wasn't mean to end with a child burnt and banished. It was meant for you and he to fight for the throne with honor."

_But dear ZuZu has no honor. You took it from him, father._

I suppress a smirk. "Of course, father."

"If we hear news of him again, we will have to make a plan," he says and I nod regally. His eyes follow me as I exit the room.

Thoughts of Zuko fill my day with mild distress. I feel queasy all morning and afternoon as I train and then head home. I shower, heating the water with my own flames. It falls around my nude body, water dripping and caressing. The steam does not clear my head as it often does.

The news of Zuko being spotted is disconcerting.

He was never smart. But he could be plotting something.

And I must know the reason.

I _always _have to know.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

Fire-lilies only bloom one week a year.

Of that, I am entirely certain. Of other things, not so much. Like the nature of dreams, or auras or if the big questions would ever be answered. If I would ever be more than the disgrace of the family who decides to sneak out at night and do tricks in the park for attention, declining all money offered to me. My talents include being able to contort myself, walk on my hands and dive headfirst into things without good reason. Oh, that and attempt to cheer people up. And usually fail.

Today, the fire-lilies are blooming in the park where I perform. No one is around yet and my gaze is focused intently on the beautiful flowers. They are gorgeous; they are the pride of the Fire Nation. Our flowers are all excellent, thanks to the fertile volcanic soil. I learned that in school, my brief stint at the Fire Nation Ladies Academy.

Brief stint as in I spent a few years there before quitting, against my parents' will. But what were they going to do? I was one of too many children and it was a wonder they even noticed that I existed most days. I had friends there but they quickly forgot about me, and now five years later, they probably wouldn't even recognize me.

I'm eighteen now and would like to pretend that I'm wiser. But I wasn't always the brightest candle in the bunch, and I still consider myself pretty stupid. Not thinking too much always was more of my style, and my performance art is another way that I can stop thinking and just _live_.

The tension of the war is palpable. I can feel it as I set up my props. People are looking for an escape from their sons and daughters being sent out to fight the other nations. But others seem happy, glad for the victor's economy and the prowess of their nation. I respect the war, I suppose. I believe in my Nation, and I believe that the Earth Kingdom should crumble for us.

I had a dream last night that is haunting me. As I adjust my pink, tight, sexualized costume that caresses my cleavage, it lingers in my mind. It was about a girl with dark hair, piercing golden eyes and a tattoo on her hip of a blue dragon. I saw said tattoo because in the dream we were fucking.

It took me a long while in the morning to register why her face looked so familiar. She was the Princess of the Fire Nation. And I dreamt about her tits. It is embarrassing, even if I'm the only one who knows. I knew her once, far too long ago. And I doubt she remembers me.

I knew her before Zuko was burned and banished, before she became next in line for the throne. She was not a very nice girl, but she was an excellent friend. Not a bad friend at all; just one who was swallowed up by time. And our parting was not exactly... civil.

Now there is no way that I would be invited to a party for nobility, or be in a situation in which I would ever see her. My parents are far too embarrassed of me. A circus freak. It was my choice to embrace this side of myself and it is my only choice that distinguishes from the coldness of a home with endless siblings and lackluster portions of love.

_"You're just seeking attention," mother says sharply._

_ "I don't care. This is what I want and you can't stop me."_

In my dream, I was looking into the mirror. And in it, suddenly I saw a terrifying beast: a monster. I leaned forward instead of running, and I pressed my lips to it. The cold glass was hard against my lips, but suddenly, it was soft and was the welcoming caress of a beautiful woman. She tackled me to the bed and I lost all semblance of control as she tore me open and I watched her beautiful, intoxicating, arousing body.

The dream was cut short by my sister running into my bedroom and demanding that I let her borrow one of my shirts. I left the dream behind me, and now it resurfaces at sunset.

I shrug off the thoughts of sensuality and start warming up.

It is a good night for my performance.

I'm still thinking about my dream when my boyfriend shows up to pick me up. He has a nice car, big muscles and is the flavor of the month for me. A nobleman I met while vacationing on Ember Island, drawn in by my bikini and gratuitous cleavage, a relationship built solely on our mutual appreciation of each other's good looks.

"How did it go?" he asks, turning off the bending match on the radio. These matches are petty excuses for Agni Kai's, with the occasional unfortunate Earthbender forced to fight firebenders that often killed or brutally maimed them. I am not a fan, although I am well trained in combat. Before I decided my calling was performing for the glee of children, I planned to enter the special units of the military and gather glory for the Fire Nation. One of the many who would join the military because of a girl who broke their heart. Then I got sidetracked by joining the circus for two years.

_Princess Azula's clothes fall from her form without being touched. Pale, smooth skin, red nipples hardened by the arousal that I feel. She kisses my navel and I feel electricity surge through my body, like the lightning she is famous for. Her tongue slipping down on me as my toes curl and my fingers dig into my mattress._

_ The monster has entered my bed._

"It went really well. This kid stayed watching for like an _hour _before his parents pulled him away," I say with a blithe grin. Chan starts driving, heading towards my mansion in the upper side of the Capitol.

"That's cool," he says, eyeing me expectantly. Well, of course he expects sex for the simple act of picking me up from my day of performing acrobats and contortion. I sometimes have no idea why I get into these relationships not founded on trust or love or any of the things I read about in the trashy romance novels I buy in bulk.

We arrive at my house and it is far from empty. Two of my sisters are fighting; my father is at work for the Fire Lord. Chan and I head upstairs to my room, where I flick on the television and change out of my costume. He watches me strip naked with transfixed eyes.

"That's Princess Azula," he says, gesturing at the television. It is the coverage about her famous conquering of Ba Sing Se, with a feature on her prodigious firebending, and clips from some of her powerful speeches. "Didn't you used to know her?"

I pull on my pink tee. "I did. We went to school together for a couple of years."

"You know her?" Chan asks and I hesitate.

"No," I lie. "She mostly kept to herself." Less of a lie.

We used to be friends. Best friends. But then it fell apart irreparably. The real reason my stint at Fire Nation Ladies Academy was so short was because Princess Azula and I quit our friendship. It hurt too badly to keep going every day only to sit alone and watch her and Mai walk about like best friends. I'm weak. I know that I'm weak and no matter how much I train to be a warrior, I'm always going to be too much of a wimp to face my problems head on.

Chan does not need to know the extent of my relationship with my only two real friends.

I walk over, and dressed only in my t-shirt and lace thong, straddle my boyfriend. It feels wrong as he kisses my neck and runs his hands around my body with vivacity. An erotic dream should not have triggered such discomfort. So what if Azula was my first crush. It isn't like it matters anymore. It is not like I will ever see her again while she is being trained to be Fire Lord and showered with attention for conquering the Earth Kingdom and single-handedly winning the war.

I let Chan do whatever he wants. He has reach and I have flexibility. I try my best not to call out the wrong name during sex, as I think about the monster that I desire in my bed.

_"I'm a monster," Azula says with a small shrug. We are thirteen and she is spinning in casual circles on a swing. Mai sits on the gravel, painting her nails an even darker shade of black, as if that was possible. I am standing on my head as we sit casually on the playground and talk. "It's not all that surprising, you know."_

_ We are discussing Zuko being banished and burned. _

_ "There's nothing wrong with how you feel, princess," I chime in, switching positions. I contort myself with relative ease, feeling the blood rush to my head._

_"He said Zuko would learn respect," Azula purrs, releasing her feet and spinning around quickly on the swing. She catches herself. "And that suffering would be his teacher. I found it hilarious. And now I'm crown princess."_

_ Azula shrugs cavalierly._

_ "My au pair said that that made me a monster," Azula says with a faint smirk. "What really made me a monster is what I told my father about her after she scolded me for what I said about Zuko."_

_ Mai snorts, laughing faintly at the idea of whatever horrible fate the au pair met. I offer a weak smile._

I finish having halfhearted sex with Chan and stare at the ceiling.

I watch the interview on the television. Azula purrs her responses, silver replies to the questions. She looks frightening and beautiful and terrible all the same. I sigh and try to move closer to my boyfriend.

_Stop getting hung up on your first crush like it matters_.

I perform in the park the next evening. The sunset paints me orange and red. My braid tosses back and forth as I impress a crowd. I even time my motions to a musician who plays in the street. Chan dropped me off and we had a slight fight. It was petty, but it detracts from my act.

I decline the offer of coins from a woman whose son and daughter clap and watch me with glee. I smile at them when I stand back on my feet. I nod at them and decide to take my break. My arms and legs are sore and I can feel my vibrant pink aura fading with the thoughts of both Chan and the long gone Princess Azula on my mind.

_I'm compassionate. Why the fuck am I so bad at loving?_

Walking through the park, I buy a bag of sizzle crisps and eat them. They smell wonderful, like comfort food and forgetting. Who thought first love could hurt so bad? And who thought having a hot boyfriend could be disappointing?

I don't know what's happening only a stretch of the park away. Princess Azula is sitting on a bench, her hair mostly down and her crown tacked on in a small bun above loose hair that caresses her breasts. She wears the blouse and miniskirt again, garters, ruby studded heels and all. She watches a bending fight in front of her, two boys engaged in an Agni Kai over the affections of some poor girl. Their form is sloppy, in her mind.

But I am walking towards her without knowing. The princess is not allowed out of limousines and watchful eyes, save for when she is on missions for her father. A weapon, an assassin, the Queen of Deceit. I would have never expected to run into her when I walked in front of the bench she lounged on.

I'm alone and it's the dead of the night. The park is fairly cleared out and Chan obviously decided not to pick me up after our fight. Asshole. I pace back and forth, but somehow no one in my limitless family will answer their phones. Then, suddenly I'm grabbed from behind.

I dig my thumb into the buff man's shoulder and flip over him. He falls to the ground, chi blocked. I find myself surrounded by five guys, one of them with whips of fire coming from his hands. I move towards him first, dodging the flames and giving him a couple jabs in the chest. His bending disappears from him and he screams at his companions to grab me.

I'm outmatched, I realize as I get kneed in the stomach. I miss the pressure point on the foot of the man who pins me down with his foot. I roll to the side as a blast of flame comes at my face.

And then, suddenly, there is a cracking noise, a flash of blue light and the man pinning me down falls, electrocuted.

"I would suggest you all back off and I won't be forced to burn you alive," comes a purring voice from behind me.

"I'd like to see you try," the clear leader of the muggers says, stepping over the body of the man that the blue lightning killed. "Two is better than one."

"You're right," the girl behind me says airily. "Two is better than one.'

She lights both of her hands on fire and moves through a quick few motions. The man opens his firebending on her and she fights him. As he lunges at her, Ty Lee is distracted by the two nonbenders coming at her. She fights with them, coming close to winning.

The firebending battle comes to an end as the man topples backwards, overwhelmed by cerulean flames. Ty Lee finishes off the two final assailants.

My hand is grabbed by slender, smooth fingertips and she starts running alongside me. We dash to the edge of the park, stopping on the side of the road. I turn around to face what I knew to be true but what could not be real.

Princess Azula? Agni, I must be hallucinating. I turn around and my hand is seized by hers as she walks me through the park.

"Well that was exciting," she purrs cavalierly. "Could that possibly be you, Ty Lee?"

She remembers me. I cannot believe that she remembers me. I look at her and nearly feel my jaw drop. Her outfit, her cleavage, her loose hair, lips as red as the Fire Nation flag and the sexiest heels I've laid eyes on. I quickly regain most of my composure.

"Thanks for helping me back there," I say, blushing. "I think the last thing I expected was the Fire Nation's greatest hero scaring off a gang of muggers."

"My favors _do _come with a price," Azula says, smirking. My stomach twists into knots.

"And, uh, what would that be?" I ask, my protuberant eyes glittering with anxiety. She always did make me nervous.

"I haven't decided yet," Princess Azula purrs, walking to a bench and sitting on it as if it were a throne. One of her legs extends, exposing the bare skin of her slender thighs. "But it's good to see you again. How long has it been? Didn't you run off and join the circus?"

_"I never want to see you again," Princess Azula says sharply, my eyes swimming with tears. "Have a nice life."_

_ And she turns around and walks out of my life forever._

"It's been five years, princess," I say hesitantly. She looks displeased at that answer, but I don't know what else to say. "Whatever you ask for, I'm more than willing to give."

"And I'm intrigued to receive," Azula purrs and I am stunned speechless. She is as breathtaking in person as she was when we were young. The news simply cannot portray her as she truly is. "How about I give you my phone number, and you give me yours, and I call you up when it's time to call on said favor."

Azula withdraws a piece of paper and ruby pen from her purse. I can barely remember my number, but somehow manage to put it on the page. Azula rips off a piece and hands me hers.

I take it and crumple it in my sweaty hand, clinging onto it as if it will save my life.

"Well, I have more important places to be than this dirty park. I'll be interested in seeing more of you."

And the Fire Nation Princess walks away again.

My mother had to tell me more than once not to play with matches. I was a foolish child who was captivated by fire as much as cartwheels.

_"Ty Lee, if you play with fire, you just get burned."_

In a daze, I make my way home.

My first kiss was not with a boy, even though I have always been described as _boy crazy_. It was with a princess, who subsequently nearly pushed me out of the window. We were twelve and it was a hot summer night and we were alone in the palace, in the middle of the steamy metropolis. And we watched a romance movie about a firebender soldier who burns the one he loves, literally and figuratively. I loved it, and cried. Azula simply looked bored.

We got up and walked to the window, and we were looking out at the city. There were two people making out in the street as tourists took pictures of the palace from afar. They must have come from the Western Fire Nation, judging by their clothes.

"Have you ever been kissed before?" I asked, eyeing Azula closely. The movie closed with a dramatic kiss at sunset.

"No," Azula openly admitted and I was pretty sure she was being honest.

"We should find someone to kiss," I said and she shrugged.

And then she leaned to the side and kissed me on the mouth. It was perfect, flawless in a thousand ways. But when it was over ─ and it was over too quickly ─ she nearly pushed me out of the window. And she made me vow never to speak of it again.

I'm working out all morning, practicing some of my moves and generally toning muscles. My martial arts are prodigious, and I managed to work in the acrobatics that drove me to join the circus rather than deal with the stresses of the Capitol. My thoughts are on the phone number I have crumpled in my pink backpack. I'm secretly hoping Azula will call, but also hoping that she will not.

The day passes, taking an eternity. I have a billion missed calls from Chan, but not one from Princess Azula. Maybe she was lying. It wouldn't be the first time she lied to me. I don't respond to Chan, or his thousand texts. And I head to my mansion, which is alight with painful life, and I daydream briefly about getting my own apartment and taking the world by storm.

The circus was less insane and less of a freakshow than sharing a house with so many siblings. I walk up to the bathroom and shower, change my clothes and flop onto my bed. I turn on the television and ignore the coverage about the Fire Nation's prowess in the war and change it to a trashy reality show about the wealthy women of the colonies.

And then my phone rings. I figure that it is Chan, but the contact is _Princess Azula_. I answer it on the first ring and hope that was not a stupid move.

"Hey. I mean, hello, princess." I mentally throttle myself for my stupidity.

"Hi," comes the purring, airy, cavalier voice of the princess, slightly warbled by the phone. "I figured out how you can repay me."

My heart leaps into my throat. I nod before realizing that she cannot see that through the phone.

"Yes, princess?" I ask hesitantly.

"A date," Princess Azula says and I am glad it is not a murder or something also as grim and violent as Princess Azula is amused by.

"A date?" I ask, unsure if I heard her right.

"Yes. I'll meet you outside of the palace at eight. Wear something pretty." She hangs up and my heart is racing faster than it does when I am sparring.

Gulp.

My mother had to tell me more than once not to play with matches.

I'm pretty sure I'm about to pay for my infatuation with destruction, a moth drawn to flame.


	2. lost inhibitions

chapter two: lost inhibitions

* * *

_**Azula**_

I know I can't tell my father about the date. My _first _date ever, which I am having at eighteen because being crown princess always came before being, well, a human being. Perfection was more important than romance. Maybe at some point father will come up with a list of potential suitors and I would go on pathetic excuses for dates with them, but, for now, this is my secret.

"Have you heard news of Zuko?" I ask father as he sits at breakfast with me. Rarely are we together before I go to train and he goes to take care of business as Fire Lord. But today is unusual. Very unusual.

"None yet. Don't worry, we'll have him locked up in time. I didn't make you the perfect weapon for no reason," father says and I nod. That is the sole compliment I get from him; _you're a perfect weapon, little princess_. "He's travelling with a Water Tribe girl. Apparently they almost were caught in an occupied city by the desert in the Earth Kingdom. Unfortunately, they got away. He's clearly a traitor by now. I plan to interrogate my brother later on this bitch who's travelling with your brother."

"I'll take him down, father. The throne will be mine," I say, a little too much ferocity in my words. But father does not notice, too enamored with the daughter he has under his thumb.

_He doesn't know I'm going on a date with a noble turned _street performer_. Hmph._

"Once he's caught, the show will be elaborate, believe me," father says and I hesitate. I haven't heard anything about a _show_. "You two. An Agni Kai to be remembered for years to come."

"I think I outmatch him by tenfold," I say, no longer hungry. My bending is prodigious, powerful and unstoppable. Zuko was always weaker. I could imagine fighting him to the death, finishing him off with a bolt of lightning. But in inexplicably, it makes me queasy to think of father pitting us against each other for the televised pleasure of the masses.

"You would certainly go in as the crowd favorite," father says and I purse my lips. He _is _right.

I go to training and spar five opponents at once. Easily, I finish them all off, and give one of them a nasty burn. His block was pathetic and he deserved it.

By nightfall, I am picking through my closet. I have endless outfits, most of which picked out by my father for me to wear to events. It consists of ruby, with armor balanced carefully in the corner for when I am sent out to do violent bidding of the Fire Lord. Then my eyes fell on the outfit I was wearing to the park when I ran into Ty Lee again.

I contemplate it briefly. It feels slightly... lucky. I take it off of the shelf, examine it to make sure it is still clean, and lay it out on my bed. Slowly, I strip off my clothes and dip into the hot bath. The temperature rises from warm to volcanic with a few of my breaths. My hair is already done by servants, my nails also done by the servants, but I can _wash myself_. I toy with the perfumes and candles on the side of the bath. It was meant for romance, but my life is severely lacking in that department.

The idea of me, Princess Azula the Conqueror, taking a romantic bath is laughable. I am simply not that girl. I was made to bring kingdoms to their knees and make persuasive speeches. Meant to lead a powerful war-hungry nation. I was not meant to bathe with some intoxicating woman and purr sweet nothings.

It's not like I _want _that, anyway. Of course I don't _want _that.

The sun is down and my breathing is constricted. I feel weaker when the sun is not in the sky, and I can breathe in its tendrils of flame. Or maybe my breathing is like this because I'm going on my first date. I may be impervious to most anxieties, but it would be appropriate to be nervous about such an important occasion.

Mastering lightning was easy. Bringing down the walls of Ba Sing Se that the Fire Nation could not succeed at for a century was simple. Preparing for a _date_, well, that admittedly baffles me. But I put on my cavalier, careless face and pull on the sexualized clothes.

I look _hot_. And I will _win _at this date.

All I ever do is win.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I am terrified. I spend most of my time getting ready throwing up in the sink of my bedroom. I have been on a thousand first dates, and put out on most of them, but this one has me reeling. Princess Azula is _terrifying_. You could ask anybody on the street if she scares them and they would say yes.

And last time we talked, it did not end pleasantly. Why Azula wants to go on this date could easily be some kind of sadistic game. I could end up with lightning through the face at the end of it.

"Positive attitude. Optimism. It will be great," I tell myself in the mirror as soon as I have finished hurling up the contents of my stomach. I rinse out my mouth with mouthwash and pull on my clothes. Tight pink dress with a red scarf and ruby shoes. "Stay positive."

I clamber into my car and start driving through the metropolis. The palace is a few miles away from my mansion in the expensive inner circle of the Capitol. The drive is too short and I switch the channels on the radio a thousand times before finally sitting in absolute silence. My driving is terrible, distracted by my nerves and palpitating heart.

Finally, I reach the front gates. She isn't there. _Oh, Agni, she stood me up. I'm so fucking stupid._

And then I see her. She walks to the car and I stumble out, catching myself on the hood and keeping my balance. She looks really good. I try not to stare, mentally berating myself when my eyes fall on her hips and bare thighs. But she smirks at the attention; clearly, she likes it.

"So, I guess the repayment starts now, huh?" Azula purrs, inviting herself into the driver's seat of my pricey car. If it crashes my parents will kill me, but I get into the passenger seat anyway. "I have a nice night planned for us."

I can't tell if she is threatening me or being genuine. She looks like absolute terror and incredible sex rolled into one package.

She drives like a lunatic. I cling to my seat as she spins through the streets of the rich side of the city. I have no clue where we are going, and I start to worry that her thoughts are on revenge for the petty end of our friendship all of those years ago.

_Of course Princess Azula wouldn't do that. She has bigger things on her mind than a silly acrobat or a petty fight. She is perfect._

"So, if it's okay to ask, princess, where are we going?' I ask as we start careening down a street in the fashion district.

"It's a surprise," Azula says, running a red light. My fingers turn white.

"I thought you hated surprises," I say, before realizing how foolish it was to acknowledge our past together. The car slows down and I take a deep breath.

"I hate surprises when it's _me _being surprised," the princess replies, pulling into a parking space. We are outside of a nightclub that has a line winding down the street. I can hear the music from in the car parked outside.

Azula gets out of the car and slams the door behind her. I cringe and hope she did not leave a dent. Tentatively, I remind myself to stay positive and climb out and onto the sidewalk. It is a broiling hot night in the Fire Nation, as usual. Azula grabs my hand and I accept, though my palms are humiliatingly sweaty.

"You're in for a wild ride," Azula purrs and my big eyes widen even further. She walks up to the bouncer and he examines them for a moment.

"Princess Azula and..."

"My date," she says. I'm transfixed by how the small, slender teenage girl terrifies the hulking man. "I would appreciate it if you would let us in."

"Of course," he says, gesturing at the door.

Azula strides inside confidently as I tag along with her. We walk in and my mind is blown away. In the center of the room is a fire fountain, an abstract metal shape spewing flames into the musky air. It smells like ten kinds of perfume and more varieties of liquor.

"Have you been here before?" I ask, shouting over the music. We walk into the midst of the dancing people. It is funny how the citizens of the Fire Nation can party it up while they are in the middle of a war. Well, I suppose after a century the wartime is routine.

"No," Azula replies, dragging Ty Lee to an empty booth. "As if. My father barely lets me out of the palace."

My heart skips a beat. "Wait; the Fire Lord knows we're here right?"

_I am so getting banished forever for this._

"Sort of. I told him I was going out with Mai and wouldn't be back until morning. She'll confirm the story if he actually thinks it's important enough to check," Azula says with a small shrug, as if lying to the most powerful man in the world is the norm.

I have never been more terrified in my life. Doing balancing acts upside down, twenty feet above the ground is less nerve-wracking than this impromptu date with Princess Azula.

"Do you... want a drink?" I say, feeling incredibly foolish. She shrugs. I take it as a yes and stand up, pushing my way through grinding couples. I reach the bar counter and find the bartender chatting up a girl. He is telling some story about himself in the war, something about conquering an Earth Kingdom town almost singlehandedly.

I clear my throat. "Hey."

He looks up. His eyes wander to my body and he abandons the girl as if he was never talking to her.

"What can I get for you, sweetheart?" he asks, certainly not making eye contact with me.

"Alcohol something?" I shrug, palms upturned. The bartender laughs heartily. "Um, something fruity. And mixed. Two of them."

The bartender nods and starts mixing drinks. I watch. It's quite fascinating, actually. And taking them in my hands, I maneuver my way across the dance floor and back to Princess Azula. She is sitting on the velvety booth as if it is a throne. I hand her the nicer looking drink and take the lesser one for myself.

Azula takes a sip of hers and makes a funny face. "That's sweet."

I nearly spill mine on my lap. "Do you want a different one, princess?"

"No, it's fine. I like it," Azula purrs, taking another drink. My heart slows back to a normal pace.

We sit at the booth in silence for few minutes, just filling our mouths with liquor to keep from having to talk. My mind is entirely on the way our friendship ended, and Azula's is also, presumably. She looks mildly amused by her surroundings, while the music makes me shiver.

"So do you have a boyfriend?" Azula asks and suddenly I wonder if I was wrong to presume this was romantic. Maybe this is just a game to her. I should be relieved by that thought, but, oddly, I am not.

"Yeah. But I haven't talked to him in two days since we had a fight," I say, trying to sound as disappointed as possible. Honestly, there are plenty of other options. I haven't gone a week single in years.

"You don't love him or anything," Azula comments casually and I'm staggered. _How can she just tell that? _"It's none of my business, of course. Tonight, we're just going to have some fun. I hope he's not too jealous."

_"You are _so _jealous, princess," I shout as Mai shakes her head rapidly. Azula's eyes narrow._

_ "You have no right to speak to me in that tone," she growls, walking up to me. I try not to be intimidated by the fourteen year old crown princess. "I can be jealous if I _want _to be jealous."_

"This is exciting," I say, trying to convince myself more than her.

"It's okay, I guess," Azula replies with a small shrug, eyeing the people dancing.

Azula touches her long fingernail to her lower lip. Her lips are parted slightly, tongue barely touching her teeth. She stares through me as her fingernail traces the contours of her rosy lips. I watch, hoping she does not notice, trapped by the strange sexuality of the movement.

"Do you like kissing girls?" Azula abruptly asks, returning her hand to her drink, and I'm stunned speechless.

"I like kissing," I offer cheerfully and she raises a perfectly penciled eyebrow.

"I didn't ask if you liked kissing. I asked if you liked kissing girls," Princess Azula purrs, eyeing me expectantly. I'm pretty sure at this point that she is actively trying to make me uncomfortable. And it is working.

"Why do you ask?" I deflect and she pauses. She studies me with that scrutinizing gaze that makes grown men tremble.

"I saw you looking at my lips," Azula says, sounding moderately honest. She finishes her drink.

"I do like kissing girls," I say, though my heart is in my throat as my mouth forms the words. Azula laughs. "Do you like kissing girls?"

Silence. "Why don't you find out?"

I fidget uncomfortable as she sits as still as a statue. Someday statues will be made of her, and I will be forgotten and neglected in history. That doesn't bother me much. I don't know why I'm thinking of that fact right now, but I move closer to her with awkward elbows, sliding around the wide booth.

For a moment, I think about how reckless and insane this is.

_If you play with matches you just get burned._

I kiss her on the lips.

* * *

_**Azula**_

The kiss is good. I have little to judge it by, but it tingles like lightning surging through my fingertips. I pull away first and Ty Lee sits there, looking thoughtless and anxious. Her eyes are wider than usual tonight, and right now she wears a face that looks like it belongs on a baby animal. It is the same one that crossed her face when a teacher would call on her in class and she did not know what the answer was.

"Well, wasn't that interesting," I say softly, smirking. Ty Lee looks terrified, as her eyes sparkle like a hopeful pet. "Perhaps tonight won't be a drag."

I like to have entire control over a situation. It is the only way to keep the odds persistently in my favor. And right now, Ty Lee is in the palm of my hand. I probably shouldn't derive so much pleasure from her fear, but it feels outstanding. The drink has left me slightly buzzed and the kiss has me surging with electricity. And the night is only just beginning.

Ty Lee asks, interrupting the silence, "Will you dance with me?"

I shrug. I suppose it _is _a date. I take her slippery hand in mine and stand up, walking into the midst of the sweaty dance floor. The heat of moving bodies is exacerbated by the fire fountain. I look up and see winding stairs that lead to upstairs, where a gathering of haughty people are sipping drinks and presumably talking politics.

Ty Lee takes me in her arms and I momentarily relinquish control. She pulls me close to her and we dance slowly, stepping over each other's feet. It is inarguably pathetic, and far from as sexualized as the other dancers. I unbutton the top of my shirt, sliding one hand down and opening it all together. One of the buttons pops off and rolls under the feet of a grinding couple.

Ty Lee takes a deep, frightened breath, her doe eyes flickering. I'm definitely not regretting wearing the black lace push-up bra that Mai bought for me that months ago I threw into the bottom of my closet. She slides her hands to my waist, knuckles brushing against the inside of the loose shirt.

I can't dance. I can firebend, I can fight and I can talk the Earth Kingdom into losing the war, but dancing is not my forte. I had ballroom lessons briefly before some important affair I was supposed to speak at, but that was three years ago and does not exactly apply to nightclubs. But she knows what she is doing, and I reluctantly let her guide the motions.

People are watching us. Well, my shirt is wide open, but Ty Lee draws a decent amount of attention to herself. She is well practiced at getting people to stare at her. We move together, hips pressed together, pulling apart and back together. Lips brush together with open mouths.

She flips me over her shoulder and I recover instantly, sliding between her legs and coming back up. Faster motions, against each other. More people watch, halfheartedly dancing with their partners. It becomes a blend of bending and martial arts, if they both were sex set to music. I don't think I've ever let myself do something like this before; I have _discipline _and control, lightning and clarity. But now I'm in a blur and I entirely blame the circus freak dragging me through the motions.

At some point, it seems to finish. I'm pulled to a stop, breathless. Even when I've been sparring for four hours I don't end up _breathless_. She is gasping too as the gawkers return to what they were doing. I'm oddly disappointed that it ended. This was designed just to make Ty Lee uncomfortable, to exercise control, but I feel vibrant and ablaze, albeit a little weak in the legs.

"That was fun," Ty Lee says as they sit back down where they were before, as if that spontaneous burst of endless motion didn't happen. "You didn't strike me as the dancing type."

"I know how to improvise," I say, controlling my breathing. The cool, collectedness of mine gradually comes back as I breathe in like I am about to start bending, but really am just slowing down my heart.

Suddenly, my ribs and cleavage register that they are very cold, and I notice that my shirt is wide open. _Fuck me. _It was beautiful, handmade by some old woman in the colonies. One of the only items in my armoire that was not red or armored for battle.

"Nice bra," Ty Lee says and I don't respond. She blushes light pink.

"I say we talk them into letting us upstairs," I suggest, nodding at the mysterious upper levels. Ty Lee stands up and starts walking before I can get to my feet. We head to the bottom of the stairs.

"I recognize you," the man at the gate says. He bows and opens the gates, letting the two girls upstairs. We walk, hips and fingers occasionally touching, and make it to what seems to be a VIP section.

We are handed drinks as soon as we are at the top and I accept without thanking them. Ty Lee and I find a shadowy corner to sit in, and watch the nobles flirt and attempt to fuck. It is relatively entertaining.

Every day of my life is dedicated towards making me into a deadly weapon and a competent leader. This... is alien to me. I think I like it, surprisingly enough. The freedom of it. I mean, tearing my shirt off and dancing in front of everyone is something that the Fire Lord's most devastating weapon and the sole inheritor of an empire _does not _do. It was thrilling in a way that even murder and exertion of power cannot bring me.

"You look happy, princess," Ty Lee remarks. She really isn't the brightest candle in the bunch.

"Tonight is alright. Not bad or anything," I say, resuming my reputation. But inside, my stomach is fluttering with butterflies. I want to top myself. Top myself on top of _her_. And these swimming sexual thoughts are unnerving me. I don't feel in control and it drives a stake of panic into my chest.

I imagine myself tossing her down and digging my nails into the inside of her thighs. Scraping downwards, blood blossoming to the surface. Tongues intertwined and clothes stripped away carelessly. The thoughts are newfound. Usually my fantasies involve lightning, thrones or throttling.

Another drink is passed to me and I think swallow all of it in one gulp. Ty Lee is talking to the wife of a general whom I vaguely recognize.

Tonight is like no other night of my life.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

Somehow, at some point, I end up in a back room with the princess. She is lying on steel coffee table, completely wasted out of her mind. I never imagined Princess Azula the type to surrender control of herself, but maybe all of the oppression and constant training and tutoring and the stress of her pursuit of perfection just _unwound_. You can only ruthlessly pursue perfection for so long before you snap.

My eyes keep wandering to her exposed cleavage, the bra barely restraining it. _I do like kissing girls, even though I've had nearly twenty boyfriends in five years. _Princess Azula was my first crush, before everything went away. I joined the circus and dropped out of school because this girl made me hurt so bad, and now I just want her to hurt me more.

People say I'm stupid. And I kind of know I am. I have intuition though, and good instincts, and I know over one hundred pressure points in the human body. But nothing is stupider than how much I want to have sex with the smashed princess right now.

Some general I can't remember the name of starts lining white powder on Azula's concave stomach. I gulp.

"You know she's the crown princess, right?" I say, standing up and walking towards the scene. Her eyes are slightly lulled and I realize that it's up to me to save her and I know she is going to blame me for her loss of inhibition and probably throw lightning at me. "You can't do that."

"Shut up, Ty Lee," Azula murmurs and I gulp again. I'm not good at this. My first instinct is to start walking on my hands, but I know I have to be a hero.

"We're going home. The Fire Lord is expecting us," I say, grabbing her by the arm. The cocaine falls off of her body, swirling to the floor. As strong as she is ─ and I have seen her battle brilliantly in propaganda on television ─ her body feels small and weak in my arms. "You don't want to see him if she shows up late."

Azula was always the liar, but I'm doing reasonably well.

The general hesitates. Perhaps inebriated Azula did not frighten him, but Fire Lord Ozai clearly does.

I hurry with Azula out of the club, carrying her. Her shirt billows in the hot volcanic wind as we walk out onto the street. There are flashes of light and the shuttering of a camera that I ignore as I drag her to my car and force her into the passenger seat.

She seems to have a moment of clarity. "My father... Ty Lee... he'll kill me..."

"It's okay. Calm down. We're going to get you into your bed and you're going to sleep this off and the Fire Lord will never know," I say, though I am not sure even I believe it. I start driving frantically. The sun is starting to rise on the horizon.

We arrive at the palace and I park beneath a tree.

"Okay, princess, you have to get us inside," I say, helping her to her feet. She looks significantly more lucid.

"I'm fucking screwed. After all I've done. If I... I'm worse than Zuko. I'm a fuck up..." she rambles, clearly panicked. She supports herself on my flexible body.

"You've just been stressed. And that stress just kind of exploded. But it's going to be _okay_. I promise," I say. "Now is there a back way in?"

Azula nods. She leads me through the bushes and towards an elaborate garden of native flowers. We climb over a gate and head into the kitchens. Only one chef is here, preparing breakfast. We slip past him and Azula leads me up to what must be her bedroom.

It looks very much the same. I remember the first time I came over to her house and saw that she didn't have toys. She said that her father said that toys were a distraction and she should always be studying or practicing her bending. It was pretty sad, given that I always had every toy I ever asked for.

I help her onto her bed. We are just there for a moment, existing. Azula touches me, the tips of her long fingernails sharp and almost painful. I crave her touch but I keep my mouth shut. _She's drunk and she'll kill you when she sobers up._

"Fuck me," Azula says, and despite her slurred words the demand is regal. I shake my head. "Am I not good enough for you? Fuck me."

"You're drunk. I'm... maybe when you're─" I'm cut off by her kissing me. Her fingers dig into my thighs as she slips her tongue into my mouth. I'm frozen in place before I push back against her. It clearly just pisses her off as she pushes me down on the bed.

"You were always in love with me. You never wanted this?" she slurs, her golden eyes sparkling like they do when she is about to execute someone. My heart is racing. _Of course I want this but it's not remotely right. I don't... I don't know._

"I know you're having a hard time, princess," I say, trying to free my shoulder from her grasp. It's futile. "And I know you're kind of out of it right now. But you will regret this. Yes, I always loved you, and I love you too much to let you do this."

"I do what I want," is all Azula says.

I surrender. Azula runs her tongue along my clavicle before struggling to slide down the top of my strapless dress. She is exhaling smoke but I don't think she notices. Her hands brush across my breasts. I feel a chill go through me when I realize that the sensation is pleasurable.

Slipping her hands down, pulling off my dress entirely. It falls. She removes what's left of her shirt and I almost want her to unclasp her bra. It feels my stomach with guilt for desiring her to do that when she is clearly so out of her mind. And she does. I vaguely like it, before realizing how terrible I am and how terrible this is and I try to break free of her in the moment of panic, and her fingertips light with blue fire.

I freeze, as if I blocked my own chi. The flames go out and Azula takes her heated fingertips and runs them between my ribs and towards my hips.

Her fingernails hurt.

The night doesn't last much longer after that. After she pulls away from me and stumbles into her bed, mumbling ramblings about her brother for some reason, and how she is going to lose the throne and her father's trust. I tuck her in, despite what she did to me.

I wait there with her through the night. She seems to have nightmares, but I'm too afraid to wake her. I'm wondering what's going to happen next. And I'm thinking of the person who took a photograph of us when we walked out of the club.

For some reason, I want to be with her.

Again, despite what she did to me.

I played with matches and got burned.

But even though I feel the burn, I don't feel any pain.

* * *

A/N: The pacing is a little slower with this story. But next chapter the plot starts to escalate, when evidence of Azula's night is brought to Ozai's attention, and Zuko's POV opens up and that major plot becomes involved. I apologize for how slowly it starts out, but this is just the way it wound up paced.

Thank you so much for all of the favorites and follows and reviews last chapter. It was overwhelming.


	3. a scandal

chapter three: a scandal

* * *

_**Azula**_

I wake up feeling _terrible_. Throughout my life I have had training injuries and lengthy days, and have had to sleep in Earth Kingdom beds, but I have never felt this _terrible_. I feel queasy and sore and my mouth is dry and my whole body hurts. The _headache _is paralyzing.

I turn over and see Ty Lee. She is half dressed. I wrack my brain for what could have possibly happened and then I remember the sex. Then I remember lying, half conscious, in some sketchy backroom with cocaine being laid on my stomach. It was not a dignified position for the future Fire Lord.

Hopefully, father will not find out. I push myself up and swallow vomit coming up into my throat. Ty Lee looks up. She is curled up on the chair in the corner of my bedroom, having been asleep.

"Are you okay?" she asks, as if she genuinely cares. I shrug.

On the floor, my phone suddenly starts buzzing out of control. I pick it up and feebly answer it.

"Hunh?" is all I manage to say. It is not my usual, cold, calculated answer.

"Princess," Mai says, "let me into your house. We have a problem."

_Wonderful_.

I pull on a red and gold kimono robe and walk towards the stairs. Mai is glaring at guards who refuse to let her into the western palace, where I reside. I open the door. She forces something into my hands wordlessly. I pick it up and have to fight the urge to throw up.

It is the front page of some trashy tabloid. Usually it focuses on the movie stars and occasionally propaganda for the war efforts, as every media is required to contribute to. But on the front cover is _me_, Princess Azula the Conqueror, with my shirt wide open, black lace bra with tits pressed against it, my eyes drooping, clinging onto a slender girl with gratuitous cleavage in a hot pink strapless dress. My body is directly pointed at the camera, boobs _staring _at whoever is picking up the tabloid.

GIRL WHO SMASHED BA SING SE GETS SMASHED

"Where did you find this?" I demand, staring at the picture. I feel like I am going to faint or murder someone. The editors should know that they would be executed; whoever took this photo might as well have been committing treason. So how the fuck did it happen?

"It's everywhere," Mai says in a flat gravely tone, making everything she says an understatement. "I went to go pick up some coffee and it was on every newsstand in the Capitol."

Now I actually throw up. Mai rubs my back as I get back onto my feet, stomach empty. I am _never _going to be Fire Lord now. My entire life is completely over. The second my father finds out he will probably banish me. This is _so much worse _than speaking out at a war meeting and disrespecting my father.

"Maybe your father won't see it," Mai offers and I want to slap her. But I take a few deep firebender's breaths and try to regain my composure. _Okay, come up with a good lie. Something that can explain this away. A solid lie and you will have nothing to worry about._

I have nothing. Usually I have a perfect excuse for my actions, but last night I just lost it. I don't even know what happened; it's as if everything I had pent up inside, being the perfect daughter, the perfect firebender, the perfect princess, just imploded on me. And now I feel the carnage.

"We could burn all of the magazines," I say feebly and Mai frowns. "I... I don't know."

"You always come up with something. You're _you_," Mai says and I feel marginally worse. This needs careful thought and calculation, but my head is splitting and the smell of Mai's perfume is making me want to hurl again.

"I just need a shower," I sigh, taking Mai by the arm and heading towards my bedroom. The eyes of Fire Lord's past watch me as I walk down the hall, filling me with shame and fear. All I want is to rule the Empire. It is my _only _desire. And one foul night could ruin it for me entirely.

"Ty Lee?" Mai asks, stunned. I belatedly recall that last night's lay is still in my bedroom, and is only wearing underwear. "You were in the tabloid too but I didn't recognize you."

"The what?" Ty Lee asks, grabbing at the magazine. I let her take it. She sees the headline and her jaw drops.

"Looks like we have some damage control to do," Mai says, glancing at Ty Lee's unnaturally wide eyes.

I'm lying on my bed as if it is my coffin. I can feel myself suffocating, and I try to breathe in the sun but feel as if I am choking. _Cool, composed, collected. Think of lightning. _And I do think of lightning. I pretend I am clearing my head to channel the energy, and I feel a slight relief of the anxiety and nausea.

Perhaps I can come up with a good enough lie now.

"You could always just cry," Mai suggests as I draw a blank. "He might go easy on you if you cry. If it makes you feel any better the editors who approved this photo will probably disappear."

"That _does _make me feel better," I say honestly, running my fingers through my knotted hair.

"So, Ty Lee... it's been a while," Mai says as I continue conniving. "You and Azula..."

"Nothing happened," Ty Lee says, looking around for clothing. "Sort of. But, I guess best friends are reunited! Hopefully."

"Nothing like a scandal to bring people together," I murmur.

We met in middle school. Mai and I had been best friends since elementary school, the precursor to the Fire Nation Ladies Academy. We were a solitary twosome of negative energy and inside jokes. Ty Lee was the most popular girl in school by the second day. And so Mai and I decided to knock her down a few notches. With skilled lies and deceit, we managed to make her the least popular girl in school by the fourth day. Afterwards, we decided to become a trio. It all ended, of course, four years later, on the day we had a fight, I refused to make amends, and Ty Lee ran off and joined the circus.

It might be nice to be together again. Possibly. If it weren't for the sex.

"Okay, so let's hear the _real _story. Then we can synthesize a fake one to abet your father until the editors are executed and you're back on the fast track for the throne," Mai says, dealing with this with ease. Perhaps having your emotions beaten out of you by your parents can be helpful upon occasion.

"I coerced Ty Lee into going on a date with me. And I completely lost control," I say, and that is all that needs to be said. I give Ty Lee a warning look and she purses her lips together so tightly she briefly looks like a fish.

"It happens to the best of us," Mai says dryly, clasping her hands in her lap. "So what do we tell your father?"

"There's no explaining this away. My shirt is wide open. I'm clearly drunk. I think I will just have to cry and hope he doesn't disfigure me like Zuko." I curl up into a ball, my knees touching my chin. Ty Lee makes a whimpering sound.

"You could always say you were drugged," Mai offers and I contemplate it for a moment. Perhaps father would buy that.

"But he would go on a witch hunt for who did it," I say. The trail of destruction would be reasonable, but there would be too much evidence to the contrary once he or his soldiers starting digging. "The evidence is tangible. Maybe I should just face the music."

"That might be best. Sometimes it pays off to be honest," Ty Lee says with such optimism that I nearly throw up again. _How did I get myself into this?_

"Or we could burn all of the magazines," I offer again, attempting a joke. No one laughs. I sink further into my mattress. "I'm just going to have to face him."

"He might not find out. People might be too scared to tell him," Mai says and she is right about that. Here's to hoping. "So did you two...?"

"Yes," I admit, knowing that it's not worth hiding from Mai. "But I will banish both of you if you tell anyone. And you'll probably die of starvation."

"I think there's food in the other nations," Mai says, an odd wistfulness in her voice. Oh right, Zuko. Fucking Zuko. I wonder briefly if I should tell her that Zuko has been sighted for the first time in years, but I quickly decide against it. I can't have her daydreaming about my brother again; it will simply kill our friendship and her usefulness to me.

"That's probably how Zuko died," I add, a little salt in the wounds. "Starvation."

"We won't tell anyone," Ty Lee says and I don't respond. She looks mildly worried. And then _pained_. I swallow as I contemplate my actions, and the relatively dubious nature of the consent in our sexual encounter. _Did I rape her? As if it matters if I raped her. Right? Right?_

There is a sudden knocking on the door. It echoes through my head, reverberating with a pain worthy of the worst migraine. How Ty Lee is completely alright confuses me.

"Your father would like to see you, princess," says the latest organizer of my life. I sigh.

"Well, I'll do my best not to get horribly mutilated like Zuko," I say, standing up and locating clothing. I try to patch up my haggard appearance with make-up, consistently shouting at my day planner to shut up or I'll have them banished.

I walk to the throne room, my heart racing and my mouth dry. Finally, I push open the door and find that my father has already been holding audiences with his generals. He does not seem _angry_, so I look up and examine him closely.

"I've noticed your appearance in the magazines," Ozai says and I feel my heart skip a beat.

"I'm sorry, father," is all I can say. No dazzling lie; I come up short at saving myself.

"It was brought to my attention by one of my generals," he continues. My heart is racing and I try to calm it with controlled breathing, but I do not succeed.

"I lied to you. I... I lost control of myself."

"Who's the girl with you?" I'm startled that that's what he cares most about.

"I used to go to school with her," I start explaining, but with one look he cuts me off. _Why ask if you're just going to silence me?_

"Is she the one who undid your shirt?" Silence. I don't know how to respond.

And I answer the only way I know how. With a lie.

"Yes, father," I say. It seems to be what he wants to hear. "And it was her who got me so... intoxicated. I wasn't aware of myself, and I was tired from the constant appearances about Ba Sing Se. Of course, I should have denied her. But she was captivating to me."

He is quiet. The only sound is of flames crackling, illuminating me in chiaroscuro. I bow slightly lower, knees on the floor. People grovel to me, and now I am the one doing the groveling. It seems to satiate his angry expression, which I try to mask the fact that I am examining.

"Don't see her again. She's the worst kind of distraction. If you want the throne, you have to sacrifice certain things. I'll have the photographs removed and the editors dealt with. But, mind you, little princess, if I ever see you with that whore again, there will be repercussions. You almost lack as much respect and honor as your brother, running around with her." He gestures towards the door. Slowly, I nod.

I sincerely hope he does not find Ty Lee in my room, still in her underwear.

* * *

_**Zuko**_

I walk to the vending machine, shaking in the cold. The Southern Earth Kingdom is _freezing_. I had never seen snow until I was banished, and I have never started liking it. My travelling companion, on the other hand, came from a world of white, ice and freezing water, to a world with buildings that don't melt.

Slowly, I put the Earth Kingdom money inside of the vending machine and withdraw what will be dinner, along with the tea that came complimentary with the shitty motel. I cannot remember the last time I ate something that didn't come out of a vending machine, or was stolen from a shop while Katara distracted the cashier.

The last town we were in was occupied by the Fire Nation. Somebody recognized my scar and we almost got caught. I remember running, stealing a car as Katara told me off for doing it, and trying to find our way to a sleepy town or big city. Sleepy town it was, and now we're at a motel on the edge of the desert.

The nights are cold and the days are endless. I'm not happy. Katara doesn't look happy but she has a strong face that I struggle with. We fight, we make up and we realize that it's not about winning anymore; it's about surviving, and I was separated from my Uncle and she was separated from her brother, and we just wound up together.

_I run, breaking the blasts of flame around me with my bending. Uncle is after me. The Water Tribe bitch and her oaf of a brother have just gotten all four of us caught, and we're now being hunted by elite soldiers on komodo rhinos, while we run on foot._

_ The Water Tribe girl throws whips of water, turning them to ice and slowing the pursuers. Uncle knocks them back with fire as we try to find a way out, any way to escape. A net flies and grabs the Water Tribe girl's brother. I keep running. Uncle stops._

_ "Zuko, run with her. Let me─"_

_ "You're going to risk your life for these water peasants?" I shout, grabbing my Uncle's arm. He breaks free of me._

_ "They helped us, Zuko. And what they do to him will be worse than what they do to me. We'll catch up to you," Uncle says, and I know the last part is a lie. Taking a deep breath, I dodge a blazing arrow and run after the girl. She glares at me as she calls her brother's name, but I grab her hand and we dash across the field._

_ The pursuers are caught up with Uncle's powerful firebending. I don't think he has succeeded in freeing the Water Tribe boy, and my nose tingles. I force myself not to show emotion, and keep running, girl in hand. Finally, we skid through a stretch of forest, and creep behind a boulder. We both gasp for breath; I'm coughing._

_ "You can't just ─ I don't need your help! Firebenders! I could've saved Sokka!" She shouts and I fight the urge to clamp my hand over her mouth. "Stop acting like you did me a favor!"_

_ "Please stay quiet," I mutter and she stops talking. Her big blue eyes remain glittering with fury. "I'm not happy about this either."_

_ "Let's go back. We can still save them," she says, peering over the boulder. Strangely, me and the girl have not been followed. "It was you they wanted."_

_ "I'm sorry about your brother," I offer earnestly. She purses her lips, giving me a steely glare. _

It was after that when we decided to team up to save Uncle and Sokka. We failed, but we did liberate a prison ship of earthbenders, and help a few people along the way. I was never about rescuing others; the only way I survived my banishment was by pure selfishness. But Katara and I have grown strangely reliant on each other. If helping others calms her, I suppose I'm forced to do it.

"I brought dinner. I didn't know what you were hungry for so I got options," I say as I walk into the shoddy motel room. I toss the snacks onto the bed on the left. Katara sits on the one to the right.

"Thank you," she says, picking through what I got. "I miss Water Tribe food."

"I miss royal feasts," I reply, sitting down on the bed to the left. The motel smells like cigarette smoke and cheap lemon cleaning fluid.

_Katara and I hide in a cave. We have been trailing Uncle and Sokka for two days, and she has still been angry at me. She and her brother helped me and Uncle, and we repaid them by getting Sokka captured. I don't care much about her brother's life, but water and fire make a good combination in a skirmish, surprisingly. It makes me wonder what the world was like a century ago, before the war._

_ "I understand why you hate the Fire Nation," I offer, knowing that her people suffered from genocide. She shakes her head._

_ "You have no idea." There is a coldness in her words, like the ice she turns water into._

_ "Genocide," I say. Katara shrugs._

_ "Related to that." Her eyes water with tears. I've noticed that, despite her strength in a fight, she cries a lot. My father used to beat me when I cried, even as a little kid. I don't think my eyes have even blossomed with tears since. "The Fire Nation killed my mother."_

_ "Well, that's something we have in common then."_

_ She looks up, eyes wide._

"The news ran a segment on you," Katara remarks and I'm shocked. My father had long forgotten about me, except for the bounty on my head. Uncle's sacrifice was supposed to protect me, as much as thinking of it that way makes me feel sick.

"That means he's looking for me again," I say, swallowing. _Not good. Not good._

"Your father is a terrible person."

"I agree."

Katara rips open a bag of chips. I unscrew the cap of a soda.

Katara and I once survived an impossible fight. The odds were against us, but we pulled through and escaped. As soon as we finished, she was gasping, staring at me. I kissed her on the lips. She hit me in the shoulder, and as I winced, she kissed me back.

And that was the start of an illicit relationship. I would have never imagined myself with a _waterbender_. I don't even know where I would _find _a waterbender. Most of them were wiped out. I had a girlfriend before I was banished. One I was in love with. Impossibly, irrevocably.

Katara had somebody too. But she never talks about him.

I don't ask her.

We fuck, and afterwards, go to sleep in separate beds.

* * *

_**Azula**_

I lie in bed, my knees touching my chest, a cigarette I'm not allowed to have in my mouth. My television plays cartoons that I shouldn't be watching. I'm acting like a fucking child. I close my eyes momentarily. I still feel ill, but not from last night's intoxication. From my own foolishness.

I'm stupid. I find myself to be incredibly clever, graduating with high honors, outsmarting the leaders of the Earth Kingdom... I learn quickly. But right now I think I know nothing, because I almost lost the throne. My father looked at me in the manner he looks at Zuko.

It is somewhat sickening how much I want his praise. I _know _that I can make my own happiness. I _know _that soon I will have all I want and I won't have to worry about my father's ever unpredictable moods and decisions. I resent the fact that I'm biding my time until I'm sent after Zuko.

One time, I went to a zoo. I don't _like _zoos, particularly. They smell bad and the animals are gross. But while I was there, I saw a little sign that read, _"Bred in captivity."_ It made me think, oddly, about my own life. Zuko was a disappointment. I was born to compensate for that. From the moment I took my first breath, I was expected to exceed expectations, or I would be even more of a disappointment than my brother. And later, I was honed into a weapon.

I'm like that platypus-bear. I was bred for a purpose, and held captive by it. I suppose I don't mind it; it's flattering. But I'm made to be gawked at like an animal, to make the Fire Nation look good. To be father's pet. To be abused and not know anything other than that.

With a motion of my fingertips, I put out the cigarette and walk to the window. A propaganda commercial comes on between the children's shows. It features me, briefly. I open the window up and toss the completed cigarette out, grab a hairdryer from my en suite bathroom and blow out the scent of smoke. It works quite well, surprisingly.

I lie back down.

_Why am I being so miserable? I'm turning into Mai. Self-pity gets me nowhere. If I achieve, all of these ridiculous feelings will disappear. And I _will _achieve perfection. And I _will _have this nation to myself someday. I'm important, beautiful, clever, wealthy, happy, manipulative and powerful._

_ I'm not miserable._

My thoughts spin. I watch the dated cartoons: reruns. And I fall asleep, exhausted from training, and I dream about the girl I'm forbidden to see.

I wake up to my phone ringing. It is daybreak and I will be expected to do six hours of training in exactly forty-five minutes. Slowly, I answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, princess." Ty Lee.

"What do you want?" I demand, sitting up. The blankets shift over my slender form.

"I didn't mean to anger you." Her voice is strangely soft. Usually, she is and was painfully loud. Chirping voice. Eardrum shattering. "I was wondering if you... wanted to see me again."

Swallow. "I got what I wanted."

"Oh." Silence. "I thought we had fun."

"It wasn't unbearable."

"So, the debt is repaid?" Silence again. This is a painful awkward telephone conversation.

"I told you that I got what I wanted from you." _In all honesty, my father has forbidden me to see you, and his favor is far more important than my mixed feelings and sexual obsession. _"Why are you so surprised?"

"No reason, princess. I just was... I'm sorry to bother you." Pause. "So you got what you wanted? You wanted something from me?"

"Well, that's the point of demanding a favor."

"I've never just _wanted _something from someone. Of course, no offense, princess. You know better than me." She sounds nervous. Most people do when talking to me.

"Your naivety is... endearing, Ty Lee. But everyone wants something from someone. The only question is how far they'll go to get it."

She says nothing. I hang up.

How far would I go to get what I want? Impossibly far. I think so, at least.

I get out of bed and get dressed to practice. Try to make myself look presentable, accentuate my flawless features.

Once I am escorted to an arena, I start a spar against five competent opponents. I blow them out of the water, a barrage of blue impossible to stop. Back-flipping over fire, blocks. No lightning; that would be _messy_. I practice incessantly, until I'm nearly about to pass out.

I have to do this even when violently ill. I've practiced until I throw up more times than I've practiced with a fever. I love it, I suppose. It is exhilarating to burn like a supernova. I dance, light on my feet, powerful flame that can melt metal.

My father once pushed me out of a window and told me to save myself with my bending.

I probably could have died.

But, instead, I flew.

I wonder why I have so many doubts since my night out. My life is perfect. _I _am perfect. And content. I have always been content with what I have. So why do I keep getting hung up on desires that should have been quenched once I lived them out with her? Is it some kind of repressed deprivation that makes me desire relentlessly the one person I cannot have.

Do I hate my father?

I nearly get hit in the face by a fire from my opponent. Promptly, I break his arm.

That night I dream about her again. Wake up hot and wet. I'm frustrated.

_How far will I go to get what I want?_

That is the only question.

I get out of bed, my body wracked with exhaustion and desire. Wandering the halls, I feel incredibly alone. It hits me; that must be it, I'm just lonely. But that doesn't make sense. When the fuck have I ever needed anybody but myself.

"Can't sleep?" Father. He is awake as well, for some reason. The servants are gone. The palace is big, empty and creaky. My shadow creeps on the wall behind me, moonlight shining on my face.

"Yes," I say, rather softly. I hesitantly sit beside him.

Not lonely. I can't be. Just because he ignores me doesn't mean I have no one. I am the only thing in the world Fire Lord Ozai loves and I should be fucking proud of that.

"You have nightmares often, don't you?" he asks and I nod. It would be no use lying to him. "I talked to your uncle today."

"He never says anything about Zuko," I whisper and father simply nods. "Even under torture."

"I told you that?" Silence.

"In Ba Sing Se, I tortured a man until he told me what I needed to know." Pause. I hope father does not think less of me. "And when he told me, I cut out his tongue and cauterized the wound."

He smiles. Looks somewhat proud of me. Never has he complimented me; he shows it by bragging to others, sometimes in front of me.

"You stop at nothing," he says, touching my hair. I brush it out of my face, fingers grazing his hands. They are significantly bigger than mine.

"I had a good teacher." I'm hoping that wins me points after I disgraced him on all of those magazine covers. He sets his hand on my leg.

"I'm aware." I'm not sure what he means by that.

"This will sound weak, if I have permission to speak freely, father," I say smoothly, airily, as if I don't care.

"Permission granted," he says, talking to me delicately. I hate how he does that. I'm an unstoppable weapon, and he talks to me like I'm a little girl. But I bear a lot of things to get the throne that was not my birthright, but I had to gain on my own.

"Are you mad at me?"

"It was her fault."

I hope he really believes that. And I hope he doesn't notice that my underwear is wet either, or that I slip up and mention any more about that night than he has to know.

But I'm cleverer than he. I can play my father like I play everyone else in my life.

I won't fuck up again.

I'm better than that.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I answer my phone at four in the morning. Groggily, I set it to my ear. I only fell asleep an hour ago after performing in the park.

"Hello." A purring, unmistakable voice. The tone shouts _I'm better than you_, and those who hear it believe it. I find it intoxicating in the worst way. "Get out a piece of paper and a pen."

Strangely, I obey. "I have it." I flick on the lights in my bedroom.

"I want you to meet me at the following address." She reads it out to me and I scrawl it down. I look at the paper and want to rip it into shreds. I know that I do not need any more Princess Azula in my life. She is a dragon; she is a dragon and a monster and she will eat me alive. She messes with people for sport and is a narcissist and a psychopath and...

"I thought you already got what you want."

"I've decided there's more I want."

"Do you always get what you want, princess?"

"Yes."

"So do I."

"Well, then, I hope we're on the same page."


	4. disgrace

chapter four: disgrace

* * *

_**Zuko**_

_I see the cameras around me, focused on my position. Deep breaths; I know that I am young and inexperienced, but I also believe in myself. If I am to be Fire Lord, I have to be able to do this. The crowd surrounds me. Azula all morning seemed to know something I did not. And I glance at the screens that relay the events of this Agni Kai between an old general and a young prince to the public._

_ It is evident to me that I must be brave and bold and look good for the Fire Nation._

_ My opponent is revealed, and the silence is deafening._

_ No... not like this._

I sit in the front seat of the car in the Si Wong Desert. The outskirts of it, at least. The decrepit highway looks ominously at me as Katara tries to cool the engine with her waterbending. My door is open and I lean out, occasionally glancing at her. Whenever I offer assistance, she simply snaps at me and says she can handle it herself.

"That sign says Misty Palms Oasis, two miles. We can walk two miles and get help from the town," I finally say and Katara sighs.

"You're right. It's not our car anyway." She sighs, usually hating to admit when I have a good point. I let Katara control our duo most of the time; we used to butt heads, and I eventually caved in.

I get out of the car, relinquish the air conditioning, and start walking. Katara moves beside me, our posture defeated. Two miles is going to be lengthy when not running from soldiers or bounty hunters. She sips from her bending water and I hope we do not run out if Misty Palms Oasis happens to be Fire Nation occupied, and the sign just was not changed to "Ozai Oasis".

_My heart races as my father walks towards me. Tears blossom in my eyes and I realize most of the nation is watching on their televisions, expecting to see the crown prince's first Agni Kai. I try to be brave, try to stand up and force myself to fight._

_ But then the tears flow. Either way, I lose._

_ "Please father, I am your loyal son."_

_ Wrong move._

"So, story time?" Katara suggests as we walk. Usually, we do not confide matters of our past together. After we exchanged the stories of our mothers, we decided that was enough to trust each other for the time being. And the brief partnership turned long term without us revealing much more about ourselves.

"You first," I say and she purses her lips. She has such full lips, almost flawless. But they are chapped and bloody. For a waterbender, she is dried out from the desert we have been travelling through for a week.

The sun beats down on us relentlessly. A stench of sand and summer wafts through the air as the horizon glimmers with heat-waves. I don't know if I'll be able to pay attention, but it may keep me from burning down a few cactus plants.

"Alright," Katara says, pausing to think. I figured she was working up the courage to tell me something, but she seems not to have thought ahead. Maybe we have that in common.

_"What then?" Uncle shouts as we narrowly escape a group of soldiers. "You never think ahead, Zuko!"_

_ I have never seen him so angry at me. I'm fifteen and I decided to steal from Fire Nation soldiers to feed Uncle and I. And I nearly got myself captured and shipped home in a box._

_ "I'll figure it out eventually, Uncle!"_

Katara says, "Let me tell you about how me and my brother started on the run."

I'm suddenly listening. She never informed me about how she wound up with Sokka, only how they ended up getting my Uncle abducted and sold to the Fire Nation.

"We left to find me a waterbending teacher." Silence. "To go to the North Pole."

"That sounds difficult as Water Tribe citizens in Fire Nation territory."

"It was a pipe dream." I've never heard Katara not be optimistic, not be hopeful. She always had too much hope, in my opinion. But right now she sounds bitter and quietly angry. "We made it to Omashu. It was around the time your sister was tearing up the city with that sullen girl. So we turned around. And when we got back, our tribe had been wiped out by the Fire Nation."

Silence. I feel... responsible for it. She mentioned Mai, I notice. A slight shame for something unrelated to the relationship of me and Katara.

"I'm sorry," is all I can say. Katara shrugs, a motion unfamiliar to me with her. "Did you find a teacher?'

"We made it to the North Pole," Katara says, sounding happier again.

"But you didn't stay?" I ask, and Katara shakes her head. She says no more on the topic, and I wonder why she didn't make a new home with her own race. "My turn, I guess. You want to know how I got this scar?"

"Yeah." Katara sounds hesitant, and I guess that she is right to be.

"When I was fourteen, I was crown prince. I was supposed to lead the Fire Nation. Then my uncle let me into a war meeting." Silence. Katara is frowning. "I wasn't going to let them sacrifice all of those lives. And so I spoke out."

"You...?" Katara seems baffled that someone from the Fire Nation could have compassion. I notice that it surprises her every time I express a sentiment other than rage. Even after two years together.

"Yeah. We have this thing in the Fire Nation; televised Agni Kais. Usually they're gruesome punishments," I say and Katara laughs mirthlessly. I do suppose it does nothing to prevent Fire Nation stereotypes; we do love executions, as disgusting as that is. "And everybody watches. I thought I'd be fighting the general I was arguing with. But my opponent was my father."

"And you beat him?" Katara asks and it's my turn to laugh.

"I wish. No, I cried. I broke down and embarrassed him on live television." We take a break to catch our breath. The sign in front of us says, _Misty Palms Oasis Next Left_. I don't see a left turn anywhere nearby, or a sign of civilization. "And so he burned my face to please the public, I guess. And then he banished me."

"I knew the last part," Katara says, stating the obvious. "I'm sorry. Your father's not a kind man."

"No. No he's not." We take a left turn and start walking. "You have a father, don't you?"

"He's still alive," Katara replies, sounding happy for the first time since our car broke down this morning. "I think so, at least. He was out fighting the war when they attacked. I think he's still out there fighting."

"The war ended after Ba Sing Se fell," I say, and notice how her expression falls. But all I did was speak the truth.

We arrive at a small town. It is grungy, and has Fire Nation wanted posters, but limited soldiers. Slowly and cautiously, we head to a gas station. Katara's eyes light up at all of the food and drink that doesn't come out of a vending machine. I'm pretty happy too, but I quickly walk up to the cashier to distract him.

"Hey, do you have Shan Tao cigarettes?" I know that it's a discontinued brand. Not that Katara or I smoke, but arguments about cigarettes at gas stations tend to let the pretty girl steal whatever she wants.

And Katara makes out like a fiend. She and I sit on the opposite side of town, in front of a melting glacier, eating fruity slushies she took.

"I got this comic book of your sister," Katara says, holding it out to me mockingly. I examine it with slight distaste. Hands ablaze in blue, dramatic red catsuit, slaying Earthbenders on the cover. "It's the fourth issue. But I think all you need to go in is 'Fire Nation good; everywhere else, bad'."

I can't help but laugh. And then I have a bitter realization.

"If my father caught me, he would have me fight her," I say and Katara's cheerful expression fades. She sets the comic book on her lap and the slushie over it. "One of the televised Agni Kais I told you about. The people would love watching her kill me."

Pause. Katara's big eyes glitter strangely.

She kisses me hard on the mouth.

"She'll have to go through me first."

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I drive through shadowy streets of the Fire Nation Metropolis. It is dark out at four in the morning, and I do not even know why I'm following Azula's crazed orders. I cannot explain to myself why I spent extra time in front of the mirror looking perfect for her, as if I owe her anything.

The address is in the industrial district. Why Azula would be here baffles me, and I momentarily think it is an elaborate trap, but I see her as I pull up. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Slowly, I get out of the car and walk to her. She smirks, half of her lip curling like a smug predator that just caught its dinner.

"I wasn't sure if you would come or not," Azula purrs. She looks good, at least in the shadows. And she looks as if she has thought up something particularly nasty and I do not know what to say about it.

"We're on the same page," I say, forcing the words through my coral pink lips. Azula nods, as if she already knew that.

"Well, then I suppose you're interested in what I want from you."

_I stand on the stage in the heart of the Fire Nation. Motions that are familiar to me from classes I forced my parents to pay for. Tricks I taught myself. Motions to music that I do not even like, but best contemplates contortionism. _

_ When I finish, there is applause. I did not hear that for the others auditioning for my spot, and the director of the famed circus looks me in the eye and says, "Little girl, you're perfect."_

_ My mother screams that I am just seeking attention. Father shouts that I am a disgrace._

_ But, at thirteen, I do it anyway. It is not like they can stop me. They have _replacement _children, after all. It couldn't be possible for them to miss just one._

"I am interested," I say, looking at the dreary surroundings. I wonder why she took me all the way out here, in the dead of the night to such a dangerous place. If she were to die, there would be no rightful heir to the throne. She _must _know that. Even I'm smart enough to figure that out.

"My father says I'm never allowed to see you again," Azula says and I feel dizzy. And that's how you get banished. "Which is why we're way out here in the middle of the factory district. No one to snap an incriminating photograph. The thing is, I'm trying to figure you out."

She walks towards me and I take a half step backwards. The right side of her lip curls slightly when she sees me recoil.

"I'm not really that complicated," I say breathlessly. "I'm not that smart, I like pink, I can walk on my hands..."

The way she stares at me silences me. She certainly has mastered her father's gaze, or perhaps she inherited it.

"I suggest an arrangement," Azula continues, clearly enjoying the sound of her own voice. And the way I'm squirming and wringing my hands. "We spend a little quality time together. Is that so scary? We were friends once. Friends break up and... rejoin, don't they?"

I can only nod. My heart races; _boom, clap, boom, clap. _Speeding up at her engrossing, purring tone.

"It doesn't sound bad," I squeak.

"Good, we start now. Take me somewhere exciting." She walks to my car and invites herself into the passenger seat.

And that's how you get banished. I don't particularly know anywhere exciting, but I get into the driver's seat and suppose I'll have to make it up as I go along. She reclines in the chair as if it were a throne, and I do not know why she likes scaring me so much. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Our fight was _so _petty.

I didn't ask to be the princess's new plaything. Especially a toy her father does not want her to have.

"Tell me what you've been doing in my absence. Our date didn't really, well, it wasn't much _talking_," Azula says as I start driving towards the outskirts of the city. Sozin Memorial Meadow is nice at night; I used to take my dates to sit under the statue and make out. Not that I want to make out with her. Of course I don't.

"I performed in a circus. Travelling town to town on stages. It paid pretty well. Then I came home from it because I got my heart broken. I decided to join the military in the elite forces. Conquer some cities with a couple little punches or something."

"I saw what you did to those muggers. It was more impressive than any _soldier_. You could do better." Was that a compliment? I really can't tell because her tone was rife with condescension and derision.

"Well, that was my plan. Then I wound up performing in a park for fun. And sleeping all day. It wasn't that impressive."

"You _did _drop out of school."

_Because you spread terrible rumors about me, princess, after I ended our friendship. And you mocked me. And burned my things. And Mai stole my boyfriend just because I had him..._

"Yeah, that was a dumb move," I say, biting my tongue and spilling words that are appropriate for the future leader of the Fire Nation. "And you?"

"I think the news informs you," Azula replies, sounding slightly bitter. I start to wonder if her life is less idyllic than she claims, but I don't say anything. I spoke out to Princess Azula once, and she ruined my life. And now, _after she ruined my life_, I'm taking her on date number two.

I'm a horrific masochist, aren't I?

"Do you ever give straight answers, princess?" I ask and she pouts. I feel stupid, blush, grin and say, "Sorry. I just talk sometimes without thinking."

"So I've noticed," she purrs icily. We arrive at the meadow and I park. She gets out with me, squinting. "I think I went on a picnic here once."

"I take people here to make-_make friends_," I say, my face as pink as my crop top.

Azula seems to know what I was about to say, a smug smirk on her lips. But I pretend otherwise.

"So, why don't you get the job as some bodyguard or something exciting like that?" Azula asks as we walk towards the statue of Fire Lord Sozin. "It's certainly more dignified than performing tricks for children like a trained poodle-monkey."

"My mother does call me a disgrace," I say with a small laugh. Azula does not look amused. I squint at the statue. "I kinda see the resemblance."

She smirks again. I honestly don't know what to think of her.

"I'd look good as a statue," Azula says, examining him with me. She takes deliberate strides to the bench beneath the statue and sits down. "So... what is it you really do with the people you bring here?"

I lick my lips. "Make out with them, mostly. You just said to go somewhere interesting..." I'm trapped. Trapped like Long Feng in all the wonderful riveting tales of Azula's conquest. Trapped like the King of Omashu when Mai and Azula went in to do a job that elite soldiers failed at.

"You _want _to make out with me." Azula laughs, more of a chiming cackle.

"It was really just the first place I thought of." I'm digging myself deeper. _She raped you and now you take her to Sozin Memorial Meadow, make-out and drug abuse center. She _raped _you_.

"You _do _like kissing girls, huh?" Relentless. She is not going to give up on this, is she?

This is why I hate her. But also feel incredibly enamored with her pictures on the television. Why I have the entire comic book propaganda series about her exploits. I am so _dumb_.

"Maybe I do want to make out with you." I dig the keys to my car into my palm so hard that it almost draws blood. Agni, I want to make out with her. Even though it will be so incredibly stupid and I'll just wind up hurt or banished or raped again or executed publicly by Fire Lord Ozai.

"The feeling is mutual," she purrs, not unnerved at all by this.

I walk towards her awkwardly. My motions have grace, my navel ring glittering in the pale moonlight. I sidle up beside her, touching her hand. She slips her fingers away and presses her lips against mine. It goes like that momentarily, hands moving, both slightly hesitant. Tongues intertwine as she wraps her leg around me. It feels far better than I want it to.

And that's how you get banished.

Slowly, I pull away, though I'm incredibly turned on and don't want to. She looks about to slap me or burn my arm.

"I don't know if I can do this," I murmur, thinking of my own mental well being and physical safety. "Your father, and your throne and..."

"You don't have a choice." Her words are harsh and terrifying. I've gotten myself into a lot of trouble. Many bad relationships. But this is a new level of terrible.

"Maybe we're not on the same page." I don't know why I think I can reason with Princess Azula.

"It's my book we're playing by," she whispers, hot breath tickling my neck. I want her. I irrevocably want her.

And I touch her gently, guiding her onto her back. Her eyes flicker for a moment, as if she contemplates attacking me. I move my fingertip across her leg, up her thigh. She closes her eyes. Her lip trembles slightly and inexplicably, but I slip off her underwear. Lacy, unsurprising.

I sincerely hope no one is taking a late night picnic as I touch my tongue to her ankle, and slowly lick my way up her leg. She chokes, but falls into it.

Into bliss I give.

And I'm terrified the whole time.

Unsurprisingly once more, she does not reciprocate. She locates her panties, pulls them on, and sits beside me in silence. The moment is undeniably awkward.

"I'd have you as a bodyguard," Azula says, though our casual conversation seems worlds away. "Unfortunately, my father thinks you're a whore. I kind of do too, but I think I like you."

"Thank you?" I chirp.

"If I ever need to crush another kingdom or slay a fugitive, maybe I'll call on you," Azula says quietly, and she pounces on me.

This time, it's reciprocated.

This time, it's violent, not the tender motion of my tongue.

This time, I don't regret it.

I drive Azula home and she closes her eyes in the car, murmuring something about having a seven hour training session and crashing from energy drinks. I think I wore her out, and I can barely keep my eyes on the road. I swerve slightly at what turns out to be a piece of rubber on the road.

And that's how you get banished.

She stirs, but does not move. I put my coat over her, as if tucking in a child.

_"My mother is dead," Azula says calmly, her lips curled upwards slightly. We're eleven._

_ "I wish my mother was dead," Mai sighs. Although I know that she really doesn't. _

_ "Me too?" I offer, feeling a third wheel again. "So what happened to your mom?"_

_ "Poor decision making," Azula purrs, yawning. We all attended the coronation of Ozai today, and now there is a formal afterparty, and children are better seen and not heard._

_ I can hear Zuko crying in the room next door._

I drop Azula off behind the palace and disappear into the night.

I have poor decision making just like Ursa. When I get home, my parents are fighting about me. I sit down and await their anger. Mother comes in first.

"I love you, Ty Lee," she says sharply, "but I don't like what you've grown into. After how I nurtured you."

_How you neglected me._

"I'm sorry mother," I say, swallowing my retort.

"You sneak out and sleep around. You were on a _tabloid _cover with Princess Azula."

"You saw that?" I whisper, stunned.

"The way you _dress_. You're a disgrace."

Silence.

"I know, mother."

* * *

_**Azula**_

"You look tired," father says as I walk into his room. We are going to an event in which I am to remain quiet and stay five steps to the side and behind him. Because I look good, and the public loves me.

"I didn't sleep well," I lie, although I slept quite soundly after Ty Lee dropped me off behind the garden. I worry that I glow still from the sex. He could notice. He _would _notice. I took three showers. Tried to mask it. Perhaps, he thinks too highly of me to assume that.

"I'll give you medication for that. Show me your dress." He says it as if he cannot see me. I'm standing in front of him in the red dress, my hair done up too elaborately for my liking, a golden crown in place of red. I slowly spin, like a child. It's repulsive, but I want to be Fire Lord someday, and if that means giving childish fashion shows to my father, then I'll do it. "It'll do."

He sounds as if he didn't pick it out.

"When do we leave?" I ask as kindly as possible. It seems to displease him and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"When I'm ready to leave, little princess."

"Of course, father." And I don't even sound rehearsed or jaded. _Impressive, princess, very impressive. You are such a talented liar. Do tell me how you do it so well._

I love my father. More than anyone or anything. If I didn't love my father, I would have killed him the first time he slipped into bed with me, and claimed the throne. The sole fact that I'm Princess Azula and not Fire Lord Azula is a testament to how much I love my father.

But since Ty Lee swirled into my life, I've been getting this itch to rebel. But I know I will never scratch it. It just taunts me and tantalizes me every time I do as my father asks and allow him to control me relentlessly.

We arrive at the event as we should. And I do exactly as I am told. I suffer through flirtatious old men and subservient nobles. And I say nothing, though my tongue wants to weave a thousand words. It physically pains me sometimes, to be little princess and not Azula the Conqueror.

The event finally comes to a close and I just want to sleep before I have to wake up and train and be tutored. I stand in the elevator with my father.

"You had a sour expression all night. I kept nudging you to look more amicable and you didn't listen. I'll be forced to punish you," he says in his growling rasp, as though commenting on the weather.

"You'll have to punish me for more than that," I retort, and then my eyes flash wide. I meant for that to stay in my head. Never have I slipped up and said the wrong thing once in my life. Not once.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he demands.

Well, if I'm going to do it, I might as well go all out.

"Last night I fucked her. Under a statue of Fire Lord Sozin. The whore you forbid me to see." It tumbles from my lips like knives. I never would have imagined speaking out to my father like that. Not after what happened to Zuko.

He grabs me by the hair; I was not expecting that. I don't make a sound as he pins me against the wall of the gradually sinking elevator. My eyes blossom with tears but I do not allow them to flow.

"Tell me you're lying. Right now," he growls. His hands are searing hot against my skin.

I don't know what to do. But weighing my options, I figure the punishment for lying to father is less severe than disobeying his orders.

"I was only trying to make you angry, father. It was a lie," I say, the words sounding as genuine as any of my falsehoods. He does not let go of me until the door opens and he pulls away as if he had never tossed me into the wall. I walk past the people who bow to us, trembling.

The ride back to the palace I keep with my head pointedly hung in shame. He looks virulently angry, but he does not say a word. That makes it all the worse.

"You're all dismissed," father declares to servants and advisors as he enters the palace. They exit with caution, as if he is tricking them. "_You_, go to your room."

And I do. He makes me wait to know what will become of me. I calm my heart and my thoughts with careful, controlled breaths.

Her face keeps entering my mind. The fact that I think I've fallen in love with her again, after last time ended so poorly. Yes, I've fallen in love with her again and that's why I tormented her last night. Why I savored the sex. Just looking in her eyes was enough to change my future permanently.

I'm a disgrace because of my misguided love for a disgraceful noble.

Father enters with gravitas. He slams the door behind him and I jump. _Fuck, shouldn't have done that._

I think that he knows about Ty Lee, but he does not want to admit it. That makes this all the more foreboding.

"I'm sending you after Zuko. He was sighted today in Misty Palms Oasis. While they were checking the tapes about theft, they caught him on camera. The _scar _is unmistakable. There's a blockade waiting for him on either side. You are to collect him for me personally."

That was... not as bad as I imagined it to be. It sounds like a reward, not a punishment.

He looks at me with scrutiny. "Do you like your face, Azula?"

Hesitance. I was so stupid to think that Zuko was my punishment. That was just a side note.

"I do, father." My heart starts to race again.

"Good, I like your face too. Let's do this somewhere no one will look."

I sit mute, not able to recall the last time I disappointed my father.

He removes my shirt.

The next day I have a burn that father says will heal in time; he did not do it as violently as Zuko. I also feel queasy and can't walk straight, but that's of less importance than something that people have the potential to see. A Fire Lord who abuses his child is not one to be looked up to and admired in all of the propaganda films.

I dreamt about Ty Lee again. She won't leave my head.

"Take two elite soldiers with you. One, should be your friend Mai. I'll give you dossiers of other options," father informs me, as if last night did not happen. As if my body is not wracked with ten kinds of pain. But I do not object.

"Thank you, father." But I know just what elite soldier I'm taking with me.

And my revenge for her attracting my love will be sweet.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I stand in the Earth Kingdom, at the Fire Nation fortress on the edge of the sea. We are far south and I'm not dressed for this weather. I envy Mai's trench-coat filled with knives, throwing stars and arrows, her warm, not-fashionably torn jeans. Azula wears clothes meant to fight in and a taut leather jacket. And I'm foolish enough to be wearing pink shorts.

"When the Fire Lord said elite solder, I didn't think he meant hot pants over here," Mai remarks, gesturing at me. I blush.

But Azula is not listening. "So, how fast does it go?" she asks the general in charge of the fortress. They are looking at a line of expensive, shiny cars meant to pursue Zuko in.

"Over one hundred miles per hour."

"And the top remains down?" Azula says, and I wonder if she is going to jump out of it at some point.

"Yes, princess," the general says in a distinctly subservient tone.

I buy a soda and fasten on the lid. Mai starts laughing mirthlessly and I glance at her.

"You've clearly never driven with Azula, have you?" she asks, looking amused by my large soda. I examine her, lips small, eyes big and sparkly.

"What's it like?" _She did run a red light on our date._

"Have you ever been on a rollercoaster, Ty Lee?" Mai asks.

Oh no.

* * *

A/N: I try to avoid asking for reviews, but I can't help it - what do people think? I have a lot of follows which is great! But I'm curious about feedback. I also promise that it gets more romantic, but Azula's walls need to break down a little before the romance gets on the, well, romantic side. Also, there are a variety of unanswered and only implied things right now, but I have this whole thing written, and everything is revealed at the proper time.


	5. the honeypot

chapter five: the honeypot

* * *

_**Azula**_

"Bug just flew in my mouth!" Ty Lee screams, rubbing her tongue and coughing.

I have my foot pressed down on the pedal of the car as fast as it goes and it is only pushing ninety-nine. Mai sits casually in the passenger seat, leaning back with her eyes closed as the wind blows against her nose. Ty Lee is between us, her thighs pressing slightly against me and Mai. She keeps screaming and begging me to slow down, but Zuko is getting further away every moment.

We pass disgusting motel after gross mining town after charred rubble as we drive down the highway, straight at the skyline. The Si Wong desert is several hundred miles away, and I plan to make it in record time. The burn my father gave me still hurts beneath my leather jacket; I have to swallow winces as my clothes rub against it. It was hardly treated, and now I am sent after Zuko to regain my father's favor.

"If you don't want bugs to fly in your mouth, don't open your mouth," I snap, swerving out of the way of a rock. Ty Lee's soda bounces and I seize it out of her hands and throw it over the window. It shoots backwards and out of sight.

"That's probably going to kill someone," Mai remarks dryly, opening her eyes briefly and then closing them again.

"Everyone is expendable," I state earnestly and Ty Lee's eyes bulge. Another swerve for a boulder. Fucking earthbenders should be wiped out like the airbenders.

_"Incompetence," I say as I approach Omashu. Mai stands beside me, looking bored already. "Incompetence is why we have to clean up this mess."_

_ The Earth Kingdom smells gross, is freezing cold, and I have been given the unpleasant task of going in and cleaning up a mess that elite soldiers made. My father sent his absolute best, and they failed him. Not to mention the complete failure of Mai's own parents, to which she seems quite excited to rub in their faces._

_ "Let's just get this over with," Mai sighs, flicking open a switchblade._

We burn across the highway like I burn down the sky. I briefly wonder if this used to be populated with cars before the Fire Nation invaded and claimed all of the land. Perhaps there was once traffic before I brought down the walls of Ba Sing Se.

"Alright, let's go over the plan," I begin as I see a sign covered in graffiti (FUCK THE FIRE NATION) that says Si Wong Desert 311 miles. "Mai, you're integral in this."

"I'm up for it," Mai says, not opening her eyes.

"Zuko trusts you," I explain, "so you just have to lure him into an ambush, in which Ty Lee and I will pounce and we'll have them in seconds."

"So I'm a honeypot," Mai says and I raise an eyebrow, swerving out of the way of a pothole filled with brown water.

"What the fuck is that?" I demand, baffled that I don't know a term.

"Have you never read a spy novel?' Pause. I haven't. "Okay, so there's this book that's pretty famous called _Bring Down the Sky _and it features this attractive Fire Nation girl who seduces the Earth Kingdom General of an army that is about to invade the Fire Nation and ─ you're not listening anymore, are you?"

"I was listening," I retort honestly. I focus on the road after Mai's tedious interruption; it absorbs most of my attention.

"I read that," Ty Lee says and I nearly slam on the brakes before catching myself.

"You can read?" I ask and Mai chuckles. She smirks, leaning back in the sun, wind whipping through the ink-black hair.

Ty Lee does not respond. She resumes her look of absolute horror as I continue the endless road trip.

"Do you think this used to be filled with life?" Ty Lee asks one hour in. I sigh. The music was all I really needed, not _questions_.

"I don't know," I reply, "why don't we get a Ouija board and ask my great grandfather."

She purses her lips.

"Do we have any games or anything?" Ty Lee demands two hours in. I have the music blasting on high, probably attracting rebels from miles around, but I somewhat crave a fight. My burn is hurting worse than it was earlier, and I'm not sure why, given that I am a firebender and should heal burns at a rapid pace.

"Mai, get Ty Lee some crayons and a coloring book," I snap, gritting my teeth. _If they interrupt me one more fucking time._

"I'm sorry for asking," Ty Lee mutters under her breath, and I do not dignify her comment with a response. The burn starts to sear even worse and I pull over, Ty Lee screaming and Mai's eyes flickering open and bulging. "Is it a bathroom break?" Ty Lee asks blithely, jumping over the hood of the car and onto the gravel driveway leading up to an abandoned rest stop leftover from the days before Fire Nation occupation.

"Sure, whatever you want it to be." I push open the door of the car and get up, touching my side. I take a hissing breath through my teeth as the wound hurts. _So help me if this is infected... _"Hurry up, ladies, time wasted is time Zuko can get away."

Mai eyes me with a certain scrutiny and I know she can see right through me. But she is not foolish enough to dare voice her concerns, so I clamber over the ruby toned blockade and start walking up the path. Ty Lee bounces over it and Mai hoists herself over and down as we approach the deserted rest stop.

"This looks like a horror movie set," Mai remarks dryly as we approach the building. I have to admit that she is right.

"Let's just get in, get out and then get Zuko," I state and no one argues.

And then the ground explodes under me. I catch myself in mid-air with a blast of flame, flipping over my own force and landing on my feet. Ty Lee is beside me, gasping for breath and I see arrows soaring through the dust, which presumably means that Mai got out okay.

I run forward, though the burn causes me to limp and clench my jaw. Seven earthbenders, rugged looking; they clearly have been hiding here for some time. Rocks come flying at me and I melt them with a barrage of blue. One of them starts running, abandoning his friends at the sight of cerulean, but Mai hits him with a knife to the spine. _Well done_.

We take them out one by one. A barrage of blue, a variety of razors, and a few quick punches send them all to their untimely graves. The fight was exhilarating; it thrilled me to the bone. But I sit down when it is finished, amongst the corpses, and touch my side. It is getting worse. I can feel the pain suffocating me.

I look at Ty Lee and deem it to be her fault that this is happening to me. If it weren't for my sexual obsession with the disgrace of a noble, my father would have never done this to me. Mai suddenly grabs my arm and I'm torn from my vengeful reverie.

"Azula, you're hurt, aren't you?" Mai asks, studying me closely. "Show me what happened. I didn't see you get hit."

Slowly, I remove my jacket. Ty Lee gasps and I don't know why, until I see that the right side of my shirt is drenched in hot blood. I was so focused on catching Zuko, fighting earthbenders and driving fifty miles over the speed limit that I didn't notice. No wonder the burn hurts so much.

I lift my shirt and cringe at the sight. In my life, I've given a lot of nasty burns to people. Burned them to the bone, or to bubbling blisters. But this red mark across my skin is not grotesque or gruesome, just fresh, raw and metallic. He was wrong; it was not a small burn.

And I know that he knew about Ty Lee. And he knew I wasn't lying. And that is why he was so harsh with me.

"We have to get you to a doctor. There are tons of occupied towns around here that must have facilities to treat bad burns," Mai says, her tone as brisk and commanding as mine.

"Zuko will get─"

"Azula, if you die of a burn, not only will it be hilariously ironic, but Zuko will be Fire Lord by default, despite being a traitor. Do you want to be responsible for that? For Fire Lord Zuko?" Mai grabs my shoulder and I sigh.

"No," I say, and I walk to the car with the two girls at my side. Ty Lee looks on the verge of tears for some reason, and I want to slap it off of her face, but I also want to kiss it better. I don't even understand with her.

Mai drives. I close my eyes, leaning on Ty Lee's shoulder. I can feel nothing except for the blood on my camisole, although I did not notice it before. And I have to fight not to display any signs of pain, struggling with my every essence to stay conscious.

I know I should hate my father, but, instead, I hate my temptation.

We arrive at the nearest occupied town. It looks undeniably grim. The Earth Kingdom citizens are poor and haggard, and the Fire Nation soldiers lazy and numb. I can see in every set of eyes that nobody values their own life here. Pity. And I thought I brought civilization to this disgusting kingdom when I conquered Ba Sing Se.

People grovel to me once they recognize me and I barely notice, my arm draped around Mai. My vision is even blurrier as we arrive at a small doctor's office with a few metal slabs and a variety of instruments. I recognize some of the creams as used to treat burns, and hope we made a good decision to heal my wound before capturing my brother.

The doctor walks in frantically, looking terrified. I don't have the energy to scare her. Ty Lee is actively crying now, and Mai has her lips pursed. It's cute that they care about me.

"Princess, I'll treat you immediately. Where's the burn?" she asks after bowing with her lips nearly touching the overly sterilized floor.

I pull off my shirt and the doctor bites her lip.

"I know it looks bad. Just fix it," I say through clenched teeth. Ty Lee lets out a broken sob. What happened to Miss Optimism and Cheer?

"How much pain are you in on a scale of one to ten?" the doctor inquires and I roll my eyes.

"Eleven or twelve," I hiss, swallowing.

She rummages through a refrigerator of what appear to be vaccines in little clear bottles, and then pulls out one with slightly greyish clear liquid. And she reaches into a drawer and withdraws a sterile needle. I'm surprised at the quality of the medical care, or maybe this is just for the Fire Nation citizens trapped in the Earth Kingdom.

"This is morphine," she explains, prepping the needle. She rubs a swab of alcohol on the inside of my elbow, and then punctures my vein, slowly pumping it in.

It is surprisingly fast acting.

I notice little of the rest of the afternoon.

When I wake up, I feel cold. Usually I am in the heat of the Fire Nation, and although I'm waking at dawn to train, I'm hot. And the sounds of the metropolis are outside of my antique window, in the only old building remaining after the influx of Fire Lord Azulon's industry. But it is silent here.

"You look better," comes the voice of Ty Lee. I take in my surroundings; I'm in an unpleasantly small and tackily decorated room. Mai is brushing her teeth in the sink that is beside the archaic television. This place is clearly disgusting. And Ty Lee sits beside me.

"Can we go get Zuko now?" I ask, although I am telling. The bandages on my abdomen are not blood soaked, and the pain is minimal. Obviously she did a good job of healing the burn my father singed into my flesh. I wonder briefly if it will scar. Bite my lip; don't want to think about that.

"That burn is my fault, isn't it?" Ty Lee asks softly.

"Is that why you were bawling like an infant?" I stand up too quickly and my head spins. But I swiftly regain my composure and continue with, "Yes. It is your fault. It was a punishment from my father because of your actions."

I grab my bag, the keys, and go wait for my companions to get ready in the car.

* * *

_**Zuko**_

I sit with Katara in a rundown motel, watching her angrily play with a bowl of water. We're screwed.

"So, nobody can fix the car. We have to find another way," I offer, trying out optimism. Usually I'm the pessimist, but Katara is not looking very happy.

"Where are we even _going_? We set off for the desert to find some place to _live_. But there's no place to go. We're out of options." She sounds defeated, and I have never heard her like this before.

"You _always _say that there's a way." I stand up, one fist on fire. She looks at my bending with the same disdain that she usually does.

A car pulls up into the lot and I peer through the window. She joins me immediately, as we always make sure it is not a van of soldiers and we don't have to make a quick escape. It's the most expensive racecar I've seen since I lived in the Fire Nation, and it glitters like it is brand new. Someone in a baggy trench coat and thick jeans is driving in it.

"Who has a car like that?" Katara asks breathlessly. She looks undeniably paranoid.

"It's clearly some colony rich kid hiring an Earth Kingdom prostitute. We don't have to worry." I walk to the bed and try to turn on the television, but all I get is white and grey static. Katara still peers through the ugly yellow curtains.

And then there is a knocking on our door. A flat, gravelly voice calls, "Zuko, open the fucking door."

"Mai?" I leap up and Katara tries to stop me before I open the door. It _is _her. I haven't seen her in... I... I don't even know.

"Who's she?" Katara has a palm of water poised to strike, and she quickly forms a whip as she sees Mai's face. "Zuko, what are you doing? She's the girl who nearly killed me and Sokka in Omashu!"

I hesitate. That doesn't sound like Mai. I knew she was sent to clear out the city of rebels and execute the runaway King Bumi with Azula, but her nearly murdering someone... I can't imagine. My head hurts and I don't know what to think except for the fact that I both want to kiss her and interrogate her.

"I'm _also _his ex-girlfriend." Mai invites herself inside and shuts the door behind her. "Let's keep our voices down. The Fire Nation is everywhere."

"You might as well be the Fire Nation poster girl!" Katara shouts, her eyes ablaze. I've never seen her with _rage_, even when she faces monsters. "See this scar?" She yanks down the side of her shirt to reveal one of the many scars I have known on her body. "That's from an arrow you threw at me."

"I don't recognize you," Mai says with a shrug. I believe both of them. "I'm here with a proposition. I heard you guys lost your car; I have a brand new one I stole from my parents. I'll give you a ride and get you through the blockades with my papers and passport, and you take me with you wherever you're running to."

"This is amazing," I say, grinning. Katara lowers her hand, but still has her lower jaw jutting out. "It's like a miracle!"

I start to hug Mai before I remember that she hates hugs. Hates being touched in general. In fact, she hates most things, and I love that about her.

"This feels too good to be true," Katara murmurs, frowning.

"We can trust her, Katara, I promise," I say, knowing I will not regret it. Mai is a good person, just like me, even if she has a rough and sullen exterior. Being on the run with her will be as amazing as with Katara, but even better because she will understand me more.

"Look, Zuko, I'll go along with this. But she makes one wrong move and I'm freezing her to the ground and leaving her," Katara says, crossing her arms. I have no idea why she isn't thrilled. We specifically hoped for a car, and we got one, along with _Mai_. She is being completely ridiculous.

That night, I stay awake with Mai, reminiscing, as Katara organizes our rations. I feel certain she is just bitter about Mai because we used to date. We used to be madly and irrevocably in love. But, then again, we were also in middle school, and our love probably wasn't _real_.

But how is my love real with Katara? All we do is sleep together and maybe kiss. Calling us romantically involved would be a stretch, regardless of our emotions.

"It's gotten even more crazy." Mai shrugs. "But the breaking news last I left was about how the latest apartment trend was smaller furniture, and the latest blockbuster, which, was, surprisingly, not _entirely_ propaganda."

I missed the biting sarcasm in all of her words. The cavalier way she treats life. She makes me feel alive, despite the desert sucking so much of my vivacity out of me. Katara keeps packing bags, sheathing my broadswords and setting them atop a bag of vending machine food and stolen goods.

That night, I share a bed with Mai and Katara both. Mai lies between us, and each of us are miles apart in spirit, despite being squished together by inadequate lodgings. I stay awake all night, thinking of what life on the run with them will be like. What life on the run will be like with Mai's Fire Nation citizen status.

With a love triangle I think I've gotten myself stuck in.

The next morning, Katara waits in the car with our supplies as Mai pays the bill for the motel room. I clean up the room and erase all traces of us ever being in it. I come out with a bounce in my step that I'm sure has never existed.

"Zuko," Katara says as I sidle into them middle seat. Her sparkling eyes are wide with fear. "There are handcuffs in the glove box."

I feel skeptical and enraged at the same time. Slowly, I reach for the glove box and find it locked. Frowning, I look over at Katara. She grits her teeth.

"It's locked," I say, stating the obvious.

"It was ajar when I got in here. I closed it when I saw because I was afraid she would see," Katara says as Mai walks out of the office and moves to the car with surprising speed. "It's now or never. We have to run. Come on."

I hesitate. "You're just jealous because Mai and I used to date."

Katara stands up, grabs our bags and leaves the car. "I'm walking in three, two..."

I'm sure she is not going to do it. But when she says _one_, she is off. Part of me longs to follow her, to pull her back and guide her into my dream world. But I let her leave. Maybe it's better this way.

But you only really know you love someone when you let them go.

"The waterbender isn't coming?" Mai asks, sitting in the driver's seat.

"She thinks you're leading us into a trap," I explain, snorting to prove I don't agree with Katara. Mai shrugs.

"I don't care either way. I guess it's Zuko and Mai versus the world or something." She turns the key in the ignition and I try to relax.

_"What happened to you?" Mai demands as she storms into my bedroom. "I was looking for you all day."_

_ We're thirteen. We fell in love at twelve and a girl who seemed devoid of feeling or enthusiasm seemed oddly perfect in my imperfect world. Young love is foolish, and we thought we were too young and clever._

_ "How did you get in?" I ask, trying not to show my pain. My back is bandaged from lashes of a leather whip._

_ "I'm having a sleepover with Azula. Now tell me why you just disappeared for three days."_

_ "You told me you didn't care."_

_ Mai hesitates. She purses her lips. And I know it was stupid of me to say it. "Don't answer me then."_

_ I sit up as she starts to leave. Azula's footsteps move along the hallway and Mai closes the door, turning to me._

_ "I screwed up, Mai," I say, removing my shirt. She covers her eyes at first before realizing I want her to look. And she sees the marks from the whips, used usually in Fire Nation prisons, not palaces._

_ Her face does not move. She shows nothing. Slowly, she walks towards me, and I feel a pulse of fear. She presses her lips against mine, her body against my warm, bare skin._

_ The incident that resulted in punishment was as petty as a training failure. A fuck-up of firebending. But the marks on my skin lead to my first time, which is filled with awkward elbows and knees, and at least three years too young to be engaging in._

_ She slips away before I can question the fumbling of thirteen year olds figuring out where body parts go._

We arrive at the first blockade and I tense. Mai pulls out her passport and other official papers. They look so clean compared to everything in the Earth Kingdom. It is definitely a stark contrast.

"Relax, Zuko," Mai says calmly as two soldiers approach. They don't look elite, in fact, the look bored. Mai might pull this off.

"Change in shift!" comes a booming voice over the blockade. I fight the urge to flinch.

The soldiers coming at us retreat, clearly caring more about their break than Fire Nation security. I watch the door for the guards open, and two figures walk out in their place. They approach us with far more speed and fervor.

"Miss me?" is the first thing I hear before I have to block a blast of azure flame.

I pounce into a fighting pose, moving over the top of the car.

"Mai, it's Azula, run!" I scream before a set of razors collide with my shirt, knocking me backwards. I tear them out, causing my fingers to bleed. _Katara was right. I'm so screwed, and Katara was right._

"I told you we should've locked him in the trunk," comes Mai's apathetic voice as I send as much fire as I possibly can in the direction of the three figures.

"Ty Lee, now," Azula says, pointing. I don't know what she is playing at, simply standing with her arms crossed as I'm giving all I've got. And then I feel a jab from behind the veil of smoke I've created, and another punch before I seize a bare, peachy arm, and then collapse like the sky has fallen on me. I struggle to bend and find myself incapable. Panic surges through my veins.

Azula sets her heel on my chest, remarking, "Well, this was anti-climatic. I imagined you were are more competent opponent." She digs her shoe into my skin and I cough.

"He might not be," echoes a familiar voice from atop the blockade, "but I am."

Suddenly, a flood of water sweeps up Mai and the other one. They collide with each other and compose themselves. Azula sends three blasts of flame from two fingertips, effectively lighting the wood around Katara's feet. As Katara moves to quench it, Azula grabs my immobile body and drags me across the gravel. It digs into my skin but I do not feel the pain as I watch Katara surf down from her perch on her own water.

Mai and the other one go flying at her. She looks overwhelmed as she fights them with her superb bending. Azula pops open the ruby trunk of the racecar and shoves me inside, momentarily sending a blast of flame to prevent Katara from stabbing ice into Mai's shoulder. Katara screams and I know she was burned.

"You're not going to save your friends?" Katara screams and Azula hesitates. I have a pretty good view with my body half in the trunk of the car, Azula clutching me.

Katara has Mai and the other one in a grip I've only seen her use once. She called it bloodbending and told me she does not do it by principle. I asked how she learned it and she told me from someone who suffered at the hands of the Fire Nation more than my privileged ass could imagine.

"I wouldn't call them friends," Azula purrs as Katara moves her palms together, colliding the bodies of Mai and the other one. If I could cringe, I would. Azula nearly drops me at the sight, but she stands firm, two fingertips lit in blue. Katara slams the girls against the wall and locks them in with a layer of ice.

"Let him go!" Katara goes running at Azula and she lights the entire blockade on fire, before promptly shoving me in the trunk, locking it, and leaping into the car.

She takes off at what feels like the speed of light. I can feel the heat fade as I move away from the burning outpost.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I push off from the wall, liberated from ice. The fire licks at my hair but I dodge it, Mai doing the same. The waterbender stares at the roaring flames left in Azula's wake, as if she is wondering if she will put it out. But instead she summons a blade of ice, controlled with tendrils of waters and I backflip over it.

Mai shatters it with a single razor and I leap forward full force, punching the waterbender six times as she struggles to summon her element. She lies, defenseless at our feet.

"Now, let's get to the coast," Mai says, eyeing the waterbender with suspicion. The waterbender's lips move but no sound comes out as she tries to fathom the loss of her bending.

A group of soldiers wrap the waterbender in chains and a net, and guide Mai and I to an armored tank. It certainly isn't as stylish as the racecar, but I slump down in the back beside Mai as the waterbender is locked in a metal box. My lips purse as I wonder about her, and if she had a life before being on the run with Zuko, and why she isn't at the North Pole.

"Mai," I say as the tank starts rolling, crushing the poorly kept cement beneath it, "can I tell you something?"

"I don't see why not," Mai says with a small shrug.

"When Azula had that morphine," I murmur, swallowing, "she told me she was in love with me when we were tucking her in."

Mai swallows, but her face reveals no expression. "She probably didn't mean it."

"You know what you two did to me was terrible," I say without thinking. The absence of Princess Azula makes my lips far looser. "I'm trying to be nice and give you guys a second chance but you can't act like it didn't happen."

"Look, I know you're Azula's new pet, but what we did to you was justified," Mai says dryly, no intonation for me to tell if she is utterly convinced that it was okay or if she is just reciting rehearsed fables. But, to be honest, the more time I spend around Azula, the more lines of right and wrong blur.

"Maybe it was." I give in. Like I always do. Maybe that's why she likes me. Because I _bend _so easily without _breaking_.

"Don't tell her she told you that," Mai says, as if she is allowed to control me. "It would probably enrage her to know she displayed having feelings."

"I don't plan on it," I say softly.

We spend the rest of the ride in silence that even I don't try to break.

_"It's okay, it's okay," I murmur as Mai struggles to get the sheets on the bed. The governor of the town was not prepared for guests. I have Azula in my arms as she is wigged out on more morphine than I've ever seen in all of my circus accidents._

_ "I told her we'd tip her nice if she gave Azula a little extra morphine," Mai says with a small smirk as I help the princess into the bed. Déjà vu._

_ "Ty Lee," Azula breathes, trying to pull me in close but her hand missing entirely, "I want to tell you something."_

_ Mai walks outside to go locate another pillow from the governor's wife._

_ "Anything, princess." I try to be an amicable plaything._

_ "I hate you," she says, before falling back. I frown. "I hate you because I think I fell in love with you."_

_ And either she falls asleep or pretends to fall asleep._

Mai and I finally arrive at the coast. The waterbender is imprisoned in lodgings the soldiers had to lug out archaic rulebooks for. It has been a long time since the Fire Nation dealt with waterbenders.

Azula is sitting peacefully at a card table, watching Zuko unconscious in his prison cell across the way. She eyes him with a look that terrifies me. I find her frightening, but she looks something out of a nightmare. A very erotic nightmare. Oh, _how_, I've been having those since Azula decided to claim me as her toy.

"So you two decided to show up," Azula purrs.

"Thanks for leaving us trapped in a burning building," Mai says, sitting down in the chair opposite Azula. I look for one, but there are only two. I stand, wringing my hands.

"I intended to liberate you two from the fragile ice, and prevent the water bitch from escaping. Did I not accomplish both of those things?" Azula raises an eyebrow and Mai shrugs. I bite my lip.

"You did, princess," I finally say as warmly as possible.

She only looks at me, and then looks away.

On the ship home, the prisoners are guarded by nearly a fleet. There is no way Prince Zuko is escaping. Azula, Mai and I sit in the Captain's Cabin, drinking lukewarm tea and saying goodnights. Mai looks particularly sullen, and Azula distracted. I've been trying to break the tension in socially appropriate ways the best I can.

"Alright, I'm going to sleep," Mai says, stretching and sitting up. She leaves wordlessly.

"Well isn't that funny that we wound up alone," Azula says airily. I chew on the inside of my cheek. "And isn't it funny that the bed is right there."

"That is pretty funny, princess," is the only semblance of an intelligent response I have.

She stands up with her usual decisiveness, and takes me by the arm. Her nails dig into me and I don't know if I like it or not. I fall onto the surprisingly soft bed. The rest of this ship seemed dingy, but this room is fairly nice. _Agni_, I'm being straddled by the girl of my dreams and I'm thinking about the furnishings.

Girl of my nightmares too.

Azula tears open my shirt. I try not to tremble but _how _I shake. Touching what she considers to be hers, my body reacting to a level that makes me both uncomfortable and soaring. She does not remove my bra, though I expected her to.

Her lips press against mine. They feel like fire against my feverish skin, a thousand of them. The last is near my ribs and she bites down slightly. Surge of pain, surge of pleasure. I'm incredibly confused and aroused and trembling and out of it.

I reach towards her shirt and my fingers graze against the burn. She slaps me and I shriek. No apology.

"_Don't _touch that," she says quietly, a forced tenderness in her tone.

She guides my hand to where it doesn't hurt, it instead brings her bliss. And guides my mouth too. I submit to her for the night, and lie awake completely baffled, as she seems smug with her work.

But I think I hear her crying in the shower.

And I have no idea why.

We approach the Gates of Azulon.


	6. plus que ma propre vie

chapter six: plus que ma propre vie

* * *

_**Azula**_

My entire life has been leading up to this moment.

Yet, I find myself incapable of even moving my face or my tongue to express that. All I can do is stare at my brother as he is forced to kneel before my father, forced to come clean about his actions.

"And you liberated not _one_, not _two_, but _seven _Earth Kingdom occupied villages?" Father looks up from a list drafted by those tracking the activities of Zuko, and the details of his confessions. _How _he crumbled when he first saw the palace. It was undeniably satisfying.

Mai and Ty Lee are at either side of me, and I can feel Mai's breathing speed up as my father paces around Zuko. The room must be over a hundred degrees, my father's flames burning to the point that they lick the ceiling and fill the throne room with an acrid stench. And I _love _every minute of it.

"It was one thing to be banished, Zuko," growls Ozai as he seizes his son by the shoulder. Zuko whimpers and I have to suppress laughter. "But by far another to _betray your _country. Was it all to lay the Water Tribe whore? Was that it? Or do you just hate your own nation?"

The sharp tips of my fingernails touch my palms. I wait with bated breath for my father to assault my brother. Just one fist colliding with Zuko's face would make this better than any birthday. And I get my wish; Zuko is knocked to the floor, spitting one of his teeth onto the stone floor. My heart races with the pleasure of it as Mai clenches her jaw and Ty Lee seizes my hand in fear.

"I don't hate my n─"

"Don't _lie _to me. You're in enough trouble. I'll give you five days to find a mentor for your Agni Kai. You will be escorted by armed guards at all times, when I have not permitted you time to be practicing for the Agni Kai, you will be locked in your bedroom. I'm being very generous, but only because _I'm such a good father_," Ozai says and I try not to scoff. As he turns from Zuko, he swings his leg out to collide with my brother's neck. Zuko gasps for breath, collapsed on the floor. I think I see a tear dripping from his contorted, scarred eye and it fills me with a glee I have not felt in a long time.

Mai runs to Zuko and helps him to his feet as soldiers close in around them. She leaves, holding his bleeding and bruised form. I hope she knows that is on her that Zuko was returned to the Fire Nation and now will suffer.

"You two," my father orders as I move towards the door, my hand still in Ty Lee's, "stay here."

My heart races in an unpleasant way. I calm it with a few practiced firebender's breaths. And I walk to kneel before my father, glancing at the puddle of blood left from Zuko. Ty Lee presses her lips against the floor, not even daring to look up with her eyes. But I simply sit on my knees before him.

"I tell you, Azula," he says, starting to pace. The flames have quieted slightly but they still rage, "not to see this girl again. And you do repeatedly. I thought the punishment I gave you would be enough to teach you to do what's best for you. Despite this, you bring her with you on your mission to recover your brother."

_And now Ty Lee will die and it will be my fault. I'm so fucking... I don't even know._

"Tell me why," father finishes and I swallow.

"I wanted to prove to you that she was worth something," I say and Ty Lee partially looks up. Her protuberant eyes watch the scene from her groveling position. "And she was. She has advanced combat training and has the ability to strip away bending for periods of time. She isn't just a distraction."

My father seems to be thinking. I can see the gears turning in his brain through his golden eyes. He is weighing his odds, wondering if I'm in love or just rebellious, and most of all, trying to figure out the worth of the circus freak beside me. When he is finished thinking, I already know that the two of us are getting out unscathed.

"It was a gamble, after how this insignificant girl has angered me. I trust your judgment of her, Azula," my father says and my eyes widen. I did not expect that positive of a response. "I'll let you two part ways without anyone getting hurt... again. And I extend my thanks to you, little noble, for helping return my son to me."

He gestures for us to leave and I stand quickly. Ty Lee follows, nearly pushing me out of the way to get to the door. We stand outside of the throne room together, hands touching.

"So I guess this is it," Ty Lee says quickly, sounding like she wants to escape. I will _not _let that happen. She is _mine _and I'm not giving her up until she's done. "Azula I... I don't want to die."

"Please don't go," I say, trying to sound _pitiful_. It works; she lingers, her doe eyes softening. She takes one of my hands and we walk through the palace, evading the eyes of servants. I hear them whispering about Zuko. And we reach a balcony that looks out over the metropolis within a caldera.

I lock the door behind us, the wind whipping through our hair. It smells of ash and industry.

"You're not going to push me off of this, are you?" Ty Lee squeaks, looking over the foreboding edge of the gilded guardrail. I lean against it, my hair dipping out into the open. My crown glitters in the afternoon light, my body still sore from travelling and my burn halfheartedly controlled by pain medication.

"I might. I haven't made up my mind about killing you or letting you live yet," I say earnestly, and then I see the regret in her eyes. _Damn it, I have to play this better._

"Azula," Ty Lee says, walking close to me. We stand there, heat rising from our bodies in an uncomfortably arousing manner, "when you were on that morphine, you told me that you loved me."

I don't know what to say. She isn't lying; that I know. But the thought that I could have said something that _serious_... I...

Okay, I suppose I'm falling for her. I loved her once and I destroyed it. I burn everything I touch and there is no way I could hold a serious romantic relationship, especially with my current life and the throne in my future and...

I kiss her. I kiss her hard on the mouth because I know that it can only go downhill from here and I might as well ride it like a rollercoaster.

"You know when," I murmur as I pull away, and her hand twitches towards me like she wants to pull me back, "little kids pull on the braids of the girls they like? I always thought that was just a gateway to abuse, and was far beneath me. But I've been acting like one of them. The ones who pull the braids, that is."

Ty Lee touches her own braided hair. She interwove flowers in it for some inexplicable reason. I have always disliked flowers, despite their prevalence in the Fire Nation. No matter how much land we burn to fill with homes and factories, the flowers grow up through the cracks on the sidewalks.

This slowly kindled relationship is like those flowers that dare to disobey, and still grow in a jungle of cement and steel.

"I've noticed," Ty Lee says and her words are hesitant. I wonder briefly if she is only afraid of me, but I quickly dispel the thoughts from my mind. I have the Agni Kai of my lifetime to worry about; I can't start obsessing over the words of my crush. That is something for girls who are not destined to rule the Fire Nation to do.

"I want to say that I'm sorry for how I've treated you. Like some kind of object," I say, stringing together the best argument for her to stay other than giving a royal order. If _this _profession of compassion and _remorse _─ false as it is ─ does not get her to reciprocate my feelings, I don't know what will.

It works like a charm. Ty Lee's lip trembles slightly, but not as if she is miserably sad. She throws her arms around me and holds me tightly, my nostrils assaulted by the scent of cinnamon perfume and hairspray. We remain like that for some time, and I let her decide when to let go. That should help my case.

_Am I really this starved for attention and affection? That I will go to the depths of looking weak and pathetic? I suppose I am. Ugh._

"One thing, though, princess," Ty Lee says as she breaks away from me. I clench my fist around the guardrail of the balcony, listening intently. "Your father just said you were never allowed to see me again."

"What he doesn't know can't hurt him." And I cut off her protest with another kiss. She accepts it, though she is shaking now. "Don't girls like you get all caught up in star-crossed lovers? It will be like one of those trashy train station vending machine romance novels."

"I _do _like those," Ty Lee says, her hesitation disappearing more and more with every word I carefully give her. My heart races as I realize that it is working, and I will have her and it will be beautiful.

_Why do I care so much if she stays or goes?_

And I ask, "Will you be my girlfriend?" Worth a try. I know she will say yes.

"Yes, yes!" she exclaims, rousing birds from a perch atop the Colony Embassy across the street.

There is a sweet silence.

"Did you ever have somebody before?" I ask, trying to redirect the conversation. Ty Lee leans over the side of the balcony.

"Not really." She shrugs. She is hiding something and I want to grab her by the throat and demand she tell me, but I have to play this carefully if I want to keep her of her own free will. "I've never been able to develop a real romantic attachment. I sleep with people and sometimes go on dates with them. And I like to be in a relationship _always_. But I've never had somebody."

"Hm," is all I can summon. Somehow I can weedle out what she isn't telling me. "My first time was with an au pair I seduced."

Ty Lee laughs. It sounds like a chiming of bells. "You seduced your babysitter?"

"_Au pair_; I was fourteen. Anyway," I explain, telling this story for the first time, "she was the first person I told that I liked girls and not boys. She told me she liked girls too. I had never been attracted to her at all, though she was beautiful ─ not as pretty as me though, my father learned that lesson while hiring ─ but I wanted to _do it_. And so I seduced her. It worked. We slept together and it was less than exciting."

"Did you like her?" Ty Lee asks, eyes wide and sparkling. I shrug.

"When my father found out he wanted to have her executed for raping me. I explained that I seduced her, when it would have been easier to tell him that she did in fact force me and only she would suffer for our affair. I guess I did like her if I was willing to do that." I don't know why I'm telling her this. I have never told _anyone _this.

"What happened to her?" Ty Lee asks softly and I shrug.

"Disappeared. Like everyone who gets too close to me," I say as casually as if commenting on the weather. Ty Lee gives me a look of pity that I nearly slap off of her face.

"Your father does that?" Ty Lee asks and I don't respond. I stare out at the city, the cars, the lights and think about all of the times I swore I was going to run away, but then realized I cared more about the throne than any of the people that father yanked away.

He used to get me a pet and then a week later give it away to someone else.

I've always hated animals since then.

He used to let me have friends or trainers and then as soon as I got attached, they would disappear off of the face of the Earth.

I've never been able to have a normal relationship since then.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I climb up to Azula's window with ease. She pulls it open and I flip inside, shutting it silently behind me. It is past midnight and I am being absolutely reckless and insane. But it will be like those vending machine romance novels, except _real_. Forbidden love with a twisted princess, I mean, what's _not _to get excited about.

Of course, I have hesitant feelings about being physical after adventures in her force and brutality. But she seems to want to try for a real relationship, from the way she bared her soul earlier. The honesty was nothing like Princess Azula, and I take that as a sign that she has fallen in love and it will change our life.

_Our life. _This is exactly like all the romance novels and I am completely smitten.

"You hid your car?" is the first thing Azula says. Not very romantic but she likes to get to the point.

"Of course, princess." I sit down on the foot of her bed. She peers out of the window as if she does not believe me.

She looks wonderful in her nightgown, the way it caresses her cleavage. I can see the entirety of her breasts through the ruby fabric. This is thrilling; our first secret tryst.

Briefly, I think of my terror the night she was drunk and she pinned my on this bed. Of the feeling of her palm against my face when I accidentally touched her burn. And then I think of her lips on the balcony, and I suppose I'm just flat fucking crazy for getting into a relationship with her.

"So what do people in relationships do?" Azula asks, sounding genuinely curious. I shrug.

"We could watch a movie?" I offer, knowing it will end in scary sex but I go for it anyway. She opens a cabinet beneath her expensive television. A box of cigarettes falls out, along with a variety of slasher flicks. I hate horror movies, but if that is what the princess wants, that is what she will get.

"How about this?" Azula holds up a B movie with a picture of a half clothed screaming girl and a blood-stained hand holding a mining axe. "It's pretty good."

"I'm probably going to pee my pants," I say, but I nod and she puts it into the player. "Are you scared about the Agni Kai?"

The movie starts playing. It is a bubbly pop song over a group of friends driving through the Earth Kingdom colonies. Good Fire Nation kids in trashy red clothes.

"I'm going to win," is all Azula says. She shrugs calmly. And after a moment of silence, she adds, "I'll kill Zuko and the public will love it."

It makes me queasy. The idea of murdering any of my siblings makes me feel sick. But if that is what Azula desires, I suppose it is fair.

I watch the movie with one eye, my hands over the rest of my face. It is absolutely terrifying, but Azula watches without flinching. Even at the part where the guy is pulled in half by two mining carts going in opposite directions.

"I'm way too scared we have to stop!" I whisper frantically and loudly when only two of the teenagers are left. And Azula pauses the movie.

"There's only one _really _gory scene left," she says, but she turns off the television anyway. I take it as a sign that she is viewing me as more than an object.

Azula's lips graze mine. I sit very still as she touches her neck to my slightly parted lips. I'm frozen as she moves to wrapping her legs around me. Her hand snakes to my cleavage and I do not know if it feels bad or good. She's wet and I whisper, "Stop."

The princess swallows. "Why? You're my girlfriend. We should have sex."

"We can, I just, you're..." I trail off. She sounded genuinely hurt.

"We don't have to right now," Azula says, pulling herself off of me. But she says it in a way that makes me feel on edge. "Do you want to talk or something? I actually like your conversation, as simplistic as it is."

"You don't have to be so bitter," I murmur and she ignores me. "Why do you like me?"

"You're assuming I like you," Azula purrs haughtily and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"Do you like me?"

"Yes."

"Will you marry me?" I ask casually.

She pauses. I think I've fucked myself. But she smirks.

"Yes, Fire Lady Ty Lee."

And I initiate her. Someone knocks on the door and I find myself seized by Azula and pushed into a closet. It happens faster than I can blink as she shuts the door. I can see through the slanted openings in the golden door, but the image is hazy.

It's Fire Lord Ozai and I immediately think he is going to start turning the room inside out looking for me. My heart is in my throat is I remember the story of Azula's au pair.

"You should be asleep. I start training you at dawn for the Agni Kai next month," he says, shutting the door behind him. She averts her eyes. How she can go from absolutely dominating me to being the picture of submission to her father, I have no idea.

"I have insomnia, father," she snaps and he clenches his jaw.

"I'm not angry at you," he replies, though they both seem fairly defensive to me. I lean back further into Azula's clothes and shoes. "It's Zuko."

"It always is," Azula purrs as if attempting a joke. This scene is eerie and unnerving to me. "I was planning on going to sleep right now."

"I thought you had insomnia."

"I do." Azula's voice cracks on her words. My stomach twists.

He sits down exactly where I was sitting. She is deliberately looking away from him, but instead of the motion of respect that it would be for a citizen of the Fire Nation, it looks like she is about to be sick. Fire Lord Ozai grabs her face and forces her to look at him. I think momentarily of the leather whip crashing onto Zuko's already scarred back.

"What's wrong with you?" he demands and she shrugs cavalierly.

"Anxiety about the Agni Kai."

"You'll win."

"I hope so," Azula says. Pause. "Can we do this tomorrow?"

He looks offended and I cringe as if something were thrown at me. But he does not notice me, thankfully.

"You can't make requests, Azula," he says sharply and she purses her lips. Her eyes look wounded and I want to hold her in my arms and never let her go.

"I know." She sounds strangely defeated. His hand moves to her thigh and I suddenly realize what's happening and realize that I'm hiding in a closet while this is happening. "Do you love me more than Zuko?"

His hand moves to the strap of her nightgown as he does not answer. She is as frozen as I was when she was rubbing herself against me.

"I'm your father, Azula, I love you more than my own life."

He pushes her onto her back.

* * *

_**Zuko**_

I'm in agonizing pain as I look at the cameras pointed at me. It is being televised, right now, my reappearance. The voices of Lo and Li, hosts for propaganda television, echo eerily due to the microphones. I see men with knives and whips and hands on fire approaching around me.

Oh, what a show for the people of the Fire Nation.

When it is over, I'm carried to a hospital bed. It is a fairly nice room, much nicer than the ER Katara and once visited. We had to sneak out and steal clothes before we could be caught. I wonder what happened to her. I'm _terrified _of what happened to her. After she risked everything to save me, I just can't let it go.

"Hey, Zuko," comes a gravelly voice. I close my eyes and hope she will go away. "I'm sorry for tricking you."

"It's fine," I lie as Mai sits down in the uncomfortable plastic chair beside my broken body.

"I'm sorry. I'm _so _fucking sorry." She looks like, if she had tear ducts, she would be on the verge of crying. I instantly soften.

"I know you are. I missed you. I fell for it because I missed you. But, I probably should have figured you would be working for Azula," I rasp, trying to be funny. She does not laugh.

"You probably hate me. I would hate me."

"You hate most things," I laugh.

"Shut up, Zuko," she mutters with a small, light pink blush. "Look, I was wondering if we could be together."

"Wait, you lure me into a trap for my sister, and then you ask if we can get back together as a couple?" I ask and she stands up.

"I probably shouldn't have come here," she sighs, and starts walking away.

"Wait!" I shout and she stops.

"No yelling," she sighs, turning on her heel. She crosses her arms and examines me.

"I don't hate you, Mai," I say, trying to sit up. She sets her hand on my chest to stop me and it feels wonderful. I missed her touch, as much as I was enamored with Katara's.

"I don't hate you too." And she kisses me.

If I weren't counting the days to my televised death by my sister's hands, all would be right in the world. She stays the night at the hospital with me as I attempt to recover. With my injuries, I'm even _less _of a match for Azula on the summer solstice next month.

That's when it will be. The best Agni Kai in the history of television. On the day that firebenders are at their strongest. And the last thing I see will be blue light. I _hate _blue. Most blue. I didn't hate Katara's eyes. They are the only _blue _I find tolerable. More than tolerable.

I turn away from Mai's sleeping form as I think about it.

Well, I've gotten myself into a love triangle a month before my death.

_Good work, Prince Zuko._

"Want to know where the Water Tribe girl is?" comes a horrible voice as I wake up in the morning for a new IV. The nurse looks extremely nervous as she does it, and she pricks my arm three times as Azula chews her out for something insignificant. I think it is intentional on my sister's part.

"Do _you _know where Katara is?" I ask as soon as the IV is in my arm. Immediately, my nose itches. The curse of medicine. It feels uncomfortable and intrusive in the crook of my arm.

"Yes." Azula sits down on the foot of my hospital bed and I look for Mai, but she is absent. "I'll tell you for free."

"She's somewhere awful, isn't she?" I groan and Azula shrugs. "The Boiling Rock? Capitol Prison? The coal mines?"

"Some brothel." Worse. Much worse. "I seem to have forgotten the name." She smirks. "Just know lots of other men are sleeping with her."

"Well, you're in a snarky mood today," I rasp and she shrugs.

"I'm happy to see you, ZuZu," she says with a small smile. "Have you decided on your trainer yet? Father is taken, unfortunately."

Typical. Of course our father will be training the opponent meant to take my life.

"If I had I wouldn't tell you," I reply.

"You can choose absolutely anyone," Azula says sweetly. Her voice is like artificial sugar.

"I'm _not _telling you. Now you're inhibiting my recovery. Or do you want to be immortalized in history for defeating a cripple?" I snap, hoping that is enough to make her scram.

"You have a point. Feel better." And Azula is gone.

Today is going to suck. I need to rescue Katara. But I have no idea how. I owe her after she saved me. And I start going through even the craziest plans in my head to somehow save her from the horrible nightmare my father has trapped her in.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

Azula comes out of the hospital with a particular spring in her step. I'm waiting for her. She told me I had to leave as soon as her father left her bedroom, and she looked disturbingly stony-faced and unfazed by what had happened. I, on the other hand, was terrified from the sight of him thrusting inside of her.

Then I went looking for her and Mai said she was going to visit Zuko in the hospital. And Mai wanted to visit Zuko for lunch, so she drove me and now waits for Azula at my side.

"Hey, princess," Mai says casually and Azula waves to her. She acts like I'm invisible, even though we are most definitely dating.

"Why did you bring her?" Azula demands and I'm confused. I know that I'm stupid but I can't be _that _stupid.

"Aren't you two a couple?" Mai asks, as baffled as me.

"Mai, go have lunch with your boyfriend," Azula orders and my heart skips a beat. Mai does exactly as she is told. "I never want to see you again."

"B-but last night..."

"Is _why _I never want to see you again."

"We're going to get married."

And Azula looks sad for a moment. So she did mean it. She _does _love me, so why is she freaking out?

"I would have loved to, but after what you saw, I can't associate with you. I'm sorry. Have a nice life."

_I love you more than my own life._

I do as she says, though it kills me. My obsession with my first love permeated my life for years. And when I finally had her, _finally_, true love slipped away. Maybe she will forget. I won't forget. But I keep walking into the city, towards my apartment.

_I love you more than my own life. _

When I go home, I cry to my mother and she looks at me like I'm crazy.

"You just met the princess," she says, as if we're in one of our _serious talks_. We have _serious talks _when I go home with a thirty-eight year old man for sex and my parents find out. This one is on the topic of the Fire Nation's famous princess.

"I've been in love with her for _years_, mother!" I shriek. "We were going to get married."

"You got engaged? You got engaged to the princess?"

"Well, I asked and she said yes!" I shout melodramatically. And my mother sighs and rubs her temples.

"Princess Azula will marry someone she does not meet until her wedding day. It will be a political move. You will wind up her mistress. I don't want my daughter to be the future Fire Lord's bed-warmer!" My mother looks genuinely angry now and I don't care.

"I'd be happier as her mistress than here with you assholes!" I scream.

"You think you're fine on your own?" my mother snaps, "move out. You're old enough. Go now. Pack your things. We could use the extra space."

And so I move out. To nowhere. I just throw my stuff in the back of my car and start driving, all within twenty minutes of the fight.

Because I love her more than my own life.

_Agni, I am some kind of freaky sick masochist._

* * *

_**Zuko**_

I start to fall asleep after I had Mai over for lunch. We talked about everything and nothing, and I even made her laugh. But the entire time I missed Katara, as much as I realized how in love with Mai I still am. She left quickly, but promised to be back.

My eyes close and I fall asleep.

"Choose your trainer."

And I jolt awake at the sound of a commanding, growling voice. It's _my father_.

"Shouldn't you be hiding behind your throne?" I growl and he gives me a look that makes me feel like a child again. I sink into the mattress as if I can be absorbed into it and away from where I am right now.

"Choose your trainer now."

"You're training Azula?"

"Of course."

"I choose..." I pick my brain for anyone I could trust. Everyone is a spy for my father in the end. Everyone. And then it hits me. "I choose Uncle."

My father's eyes bulge.

"You..." He has no words and I relish in the moment.

"I can choose _anyone I want_. Now liberate Uncle from prison so he can train me."

And my father cannot argue.

A small victory.


	7. too late for pebbles to vote

chapter seven: too late for pebbles to vote

* * *

_**Azula**_

I miscarried my sibling today.

Saying that aloud in the mirror was a shocker, as if I would tell it to anyone who _wasn't _my reflection. Speaking of my reflection, I look like a mess, and I'm currently in the hospital with Mai. She is on her phone, trying not to make eye contact with me, and she is wise to do so, because I'm in the mood to burn someone's face off if they say something I don't like.

I'm still bleeding. My lower abdomen is suffering from searing pain, worse than any training injury. It's possible that there is some kind of emotional effects of a miscarriage as well, but I was born without any feelings, so perhaps they will not affect me. That's what the unintelligent nurse said ─ and now we simply await the real doctor.

This was just to top off the miserable week. Zuko is back, and no longer behind bars, just under consistent watch. His waterbending girlfriend, on the other hand, is in a brothel I _do _know the name of, not that I would tell him. Apparently, Zuko has selected Uncle to train him, which is not all that surprising. My father will surely go to collect Uncle at some point, but in two hours I'm expected to be training with him, something I have always desired and hoped for.

But I have the upper hand; I _know _I do. Zuko is still in the hospital.

The hospital that I'm in. My brother is two floors above me, a short elevator ride from finding out a secret I cannot afford for him to know. And my father is expecting me in now one hour and fifty-three minutes to start my own presumably brutal training.

I tug at the band around my wrist, longing to just singe it off of my body. They know who I am from my face; I have no need for this preposterous bracelet, or the IV in my hand. It _itches _like fuck.

"Are you still pissed about Zuko?" It is the first thing I have said that has not been a complaint about the conditions of the Emergency Room, which I should not even be in. They are not befitting of a princess, much less Princess Azula the Conqueror. And this paperwork is taking _ages_.

"Pretty much," Mai says, swiping her finger across the touch screen. She looks casually engaged in whatever she is doing. "Look, next month he's going to die, anyway."

"You sound very certain," I say, though I am well aware that she is right. I tug some more at my hospital bracelet. We do our best to avoid eye contact.

"You're going to murder him on live television and maybe there will be an after party or something. I really don't care," Mai says, tapping on the screen. "We can leave the sobbing up to his new girlfriend."

"I thought you two got back together," I say, though Mai has confided in me that Zuko is still in love with Katara. She shrugs.

"We are. Supposedly, we're a couple. But I'm next to your hospital bed, not his. I made my choice in the Earth Kingdom and he's still fawning over Water Tribe. I don't care."

Mai and I sit in silence after that. I purse my lips to try not to show the pain I am in.

"Since you're eighteen," says the doctor walking in, "we don't have to inform your father about this. Unless you would like us to. Given the nature of the circumstances..."

She hands me a form and a pen. It's a release for the information on my hospitalization. My _not needed _hospitalization. I have been in the Emergency Room for over three hours for something that I quickly found out was _not _an emergency. Well, bleeding profusely, being in pain and developing a fever from a subsequent infection _seemed _like reasonable reasons to call Mai to drive me to the hospital. But apparently this effects twenty percent or so of pregnancies.

Not that I knew I was pregnant. This is _almost _a relief.

"If he asked you would tell him," I say and the doctor is silent. But I refuse to name my father on the release, and toss it aside, the nurse scrambling to catch it. Mai smiles faintly. "So are you going to give me any better information than your staff of useless nurses?"

"I have a few questions for you, princess," the doctor says, making herself look very small. "When was your last period?"

"I don't know," I reply honestly and Mai drops her phone. She hastily picks it up. "It comes sporadically."

"Can you give me an estimate, princess?" the doctor asks hesitantly, looking frightened. I don't have the time to relish the fear in her eyes.

"A month or two ago?" I shrug.

"And were you using any forms of contraception while─"

"Alright, obviously this is not a big deal," I purr, interrupting this nonsense, ripping the hospital band from my wrist in a blast of blue fire. The doctor puts her clipboard over her face in reaction. "They just told me that it wasn't an emergency, it was a miscarriage and I wasn't dying of some strange illness as I thought. Let me go. I don't _need _any of your questions. Come on, Mai, we're leaving."

Mai stands up and I start to, but I have to take several deep breaths from the pain in my back and lower abdomen. I am in _no _state for training. But I don't want to be asked a series of questions about a pregnancy that I'm five seconds away from pretending never happened.

I know I was born lucky because before I could even worry, my little problem took care of myself.

Zuko... Zuko was unlucky to be born.

And Mai and I simply walk out of the emergency room, Mai carrying my clothes. As soon as we reach a bathroom, we duck inside and I step into the first stall. Thankfully, the lavatory is entirely empty. It is freezing cold from overworked air conditioning in the Fire Nation summer, making the sweat on my skin feel like a layer of ice water.

I pull off the oversized hospital gown and start getting dressed in street clothes.

"Our grand escape from Sozin Memorial, huh?" Mai chuckles.

"Shut up, Mai," I snap and she only laughs louder. Sometimes I fantasize about slowly burning her alive, before remembering that she is my best and only friend.

At least she knows better than to ask about the fetus. Or the fetal tissue my body expunged as if it had a mind of its own. I shiver at the thought of when I couldn't figure out what was happening to me, and started to go into a full blown panic. Of course, the logical step was the ER, and Mai obliged instantly. And then they tell me that it was not even an emergency, and I'm going to have to lie to my father to explain why I was late for training.

Mai and I escape the hospital, although I'm still in pain and bleeding slightly, and she drives me to the palace. I leap from the car and hurry to find my training clothes; I'm already late. If father thinks I do not take the Agni Kai seriously, I don't want to know what he will do to me.

I limp slightly as I arrive in the training arena. It smells of sweat and smoke, with the walls ruby, the floor red and the only gold shade being a door that leads to a courtyard for practicing outside. My father is already there, moving through warm up positions with ease. His orange flame tastes the air as he practices with as much focus as me. I hobble to him, walking up the steps to the arena.

"Did you have something much more important to be doing?" father growls and I swallow.

"I'm sorry that I'm late, father." I bow my head, averting my eyes. He examines me for a moment before deeming it acceptable.

"Let's just get to work," he says and before I can take a breath, he throws a tongue of red flame at me. I flip over it and feel my insides churn in pain. I gasp as I land and send a barrage of blue his way as he quickly and easily dodges.

He kicks his ankle and I block the flames around me before I press two fingers together and throw a few small blasts. One of them knocks him off balance and I throw a blast to seal the deal, but he blocks it with his wrist as he steadies himself.

I move with light steps as we spar, both of us unsure of who will win. While he is strong and steadfast, with powerful whips of flame, I am almost aerial and ethereal as I move like a blue ghost. He punches fire at me that knocks me onto my back and I gasp for breath. Now the pain collides with me from this morning's illness, and I don't stand back up. My hand moves to my abdomen, to the pain that keeps me from sparring properly.

Father walks to me and I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for some form of punishment.

"You have an injury," he says and I glance around my body for what he could be looking at. "You've been off all morning. What did you hurt?"

I hesitate. Telling him is not an intelligent move, as much as I want to see the look on his face. Then again, he will not leave the matter until he has his answer.

"I had a miscarriage last night," I whisper, deciding on honesty in case the hospital staff decide to tell the Fire Lord. His eyes flash. A surge of anger pulses through my veins, but I wisely remain silent.

He grabs me by the arm and pulls me to my feet. "I thought you were just sleeping with that girl?"

_Yes, just sleeping with that girl. _I clench my jaw.

And he continues with, "Go to your room. We can deal with your sexual promiscuity later."

That is it. At this moment, I have had enough.

"My _sexual promiscuity_?" I purr, leaning in close to him. He does not let go of my arm, his fingers digging into it more tightly. "You realize it was your baby, don't you, father?"

The next sensation I feel is the back of his hand colliding with my face. I stumble to the floor of the arena, wincing. My mouth is filled with blood and I spit up some of it onto my knees. The pallid skin is stained crimson. One of my fists lights in azure and I spin around, bringing it down on my father's face. The flames lick his neck and he cringes, cursing. My knuckles collide with his jaw and he yelps. Invigorated by him stumbling backwards, my entire arm lights ablaze as I throw myself at him, and he seizes me by the wrist. The blue dies out and he snaps back my arm, dragging me down. I scream, gasp, and crumble into tears.

He holds me there and lights one hand. I squeeze my eyes shut, braced. But he lets go of my wrist, leaving me sobbing.

"Go to your room," is all he says and I comply, as much as it kills me to do so.

It _did _feel almost worth it to punch him in the face.

The only thing I am grateful for is that Zuko is still in the hospital, and therefore, has less time to train. I _know _I will win, but angering my father in the middle of our first session is most unwise. It is my only chance to learn from a true master, and I imagined I could grow so much from his influence.

But instead, I tried to smash in his face with a fist of blue flames. I _cannot _believe how _stupid _I am. And I'm still bleeding slightly, which I must admit worries me. The Agni Kai is ever-nearer and I am in the middle of a melodramatic miscarriage.

I lie on my bed and wait for my father.

My nose tingles with tears, but I do not allow them to overcome me.

"You burnt me," is the first thing father says when he walks into my room. "Burning the Fire Lord─"

"Then execute me." I'm startled by my words, by my forwardness with him. Maybe I've had enough.

His lips open and close as if he means to say something, but cannot properly contort his tongue. He looks _stunned_. I stare, blankly, a thousand yard gaze at the dusty television across the room. And I think about that night with that movie, and that kiss on that balcony, and I blame her for my father's anger.

_If she hadn't made me weak... No, I made myself weak by falling in love with her. It's on me, isn't it?_

"As soon as that Agni Kai is over, Azula, things are changing for you," he says, walking in front of me and interrupting my gaze. "You've always been the perfect daughter. But I see you slipping from my grasp and I _don't like that_. Going out and getting drunk, sneaking around with a girl you're forbidden to see; my perfect little daughter who conquered Ba Sing Se and knew what's best for her is disappearing. As soon as you kill Zuko, you lose it all. Any freedom I've been foolish enough to give to you, is gone."

I want to scream, '_what freedom?' _but I remain silent.

"I'm sorry for my disrespect, father," I whisper, thinking of Zuko. He was meant to learn respect and suffering would be his teacher. I imagine I've learned from suffering most of all, and it made me strong.

"It's because of her, isn't it? You knew her for a few weeks at most. You've known me since the day you were born. I'm giving you all you want. All you have to do is win an easy fight. It might as well be fixed," father says sharply and I know he is right. "You need to forget about her. It was a fleeting and regrettable affair."

Silence.

"My back hurts and I have a fever," I whisper.

"I'll get that properly treated and you can return to training."

My rebellions never last for long.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I'm sitting in a diner. It is hot, muggy and smells strongly of coffee and cat piss. This area of the Capitol is not as glamorous as where I'm from, but I feel the need to hide. I don't know what I'm running from when I could easily turn back and go home, but becoming involved with Princess Azula was the point of no return. And without her, I cannot imagine my life anymore.

_How long were we even together? I can't fall in love that quickly. Just because she's the only person I've ever loved doesn't mean it will be my last love. She was an abusive nightmare anyway._

"Anyone sitting here?" asks a guy in a leather jacket. He has nice muscles; he looks pretty handsome and his hair is _perfect_. I shrug.

I wish Azula were sitting here. Not that she would be caught dead in a place as repulsive as this twenty-four hour diner. _Agni_, she is such a snob. She is a dragon who plays with people and eats them alive for kicks. I should not have let myself get caught up in the blaze.

He sits down across from me and one hour later I am in his apartment. I look at the pictures on the walls and the three framed military medals. His television is nice and he lives on the north-west side of the Metropolis, which consists entirely of the upper middle class. If anything will help me forget Azula, it is sex with him.

Maybe he will want to have a relationship with me. And then I can forget her until we inevitably break up.

We move towards the bedroom and he presses his lips against mine. Hers tasted like blood and energy drinks; his taste like... I don't know. I can only imagine hers. His hand moves to my cleavage and I allow it, though her sharp fingernails grazing my smooth skin is the sensation I long for.

_She is a dragon. She raped you. Don't fall in love with your rapist, moron._

He pins me against a wall and I fall into him. I know exactly what to do though I'm starting to think that I prefer the bodies of women. But he does not notice how distracted I am as I slide my hand towards his cock and we fumble towards the sofa and tumble until he thrusts in me and its over with.

As I catch my breath and he murmurs superfluous compliments, I realize that it did not help me forget Azula. It only made me miss her more.

"Do you want some coffee or something?" he asks and I shake my head.

"Bye, uh... you," I say, finding my clothes and walking out like I am escaping a crime scene. I thought I could smell him on me but I can only smell her scent ─ eau de terror ─ and it torments me.

I always took break-ups well. But Azula and I were like a romance novel and it was killed only by me witnessing her secret. But I can keep secrets. I could... I could... _Agni_, I don't know. All I want to do is drive to the palace, throw pebbles at her window and finish with a kiss.

Regardless of what goes on with her father behind closed doors. I want to save her from that; but I want her. I want her and there is nothing else I can think about.

_I'm crazy. I'm genuinely crazy. I barely know Princess Azula and I'm so _obsessed_. Do I even know the difference between love and obsession?_

I can remember when I first fell in love with her. We were just kids.

_"I think I'm in love with you," I say abruptly as Azula and I lie on the floor of the library in the palace. Her golden eyes flicker and I think I am screwed. We are thirteen._

_ "Romantically?" Azula asks and I wonder if I should tell her the truth. Maybe I shouldn't; my stomach twists._

_ "Yes, romantically," I say, my heart fluttering. If she likes _boys _I am in so much trouble. She examines m with dissecting, coldly scientific eyes._

_ And slowly, she crawls over to me. I cringe at first, but she presses her lips against mine._

_ "I think I might like you back." She kisses me again, as if testing it out. I'm less terrified, but still scared. "No promises."_

_ We return to our conversation as if that outburst never happened._

I go to a museum. A _museum_. It is completely ridiculous for me; I hate this kind of thing. But I look at the royal artifacts and the tattered Fire Nation flags. I stare intently at the exhibits behind clear glass.

"There is no fathoming the depths of my hatred for this place," comes a familiar voice down the hall.

"You need this kind of intellectual influence on you. I'm tired of you sitting in coffee shops and reading mystery novels." Mai's father. "If you're going to be a politician, you need to start studying instead of lazing around."

"I understand, dad... Oh, look, it's my good friend." And my hand is seized by a girl I barely know.

I grin at the nobleman and he hesitates.

Mai says, "We're going to have a great day at the museum together. As _friends_."

"You look smart," he says to me and it is the first time I have heard that. "Make sure she pays attention."

"I will, sir," I stammer, startled by Mai's sudden interest in me. As her father walks away, she immediately loosens, leaning against the glass exhibit.

"Thanks for that," she sighs, her face unreadable. I shrug, unsure what else to say. "I have this one weekend of a month where my dad takes me to do things. It's _terrible_."

_I wish my parents showed that much of an interest in me._

"Have you seen Azula?"

"Have you not?" Mai starts walking and I have to take several quick strides to catch up with her. She shrugs. "Probably locked up training for the Agni Kai where she murders my boyfriend."

She says _boyfriend _with such derision.

"Is there a problem with you and Zuko?" I ask, thinking of their middle school romance. It was _super _cute.

"He's in love with that Water Tribe girl but too much of a pussy to just tell me." Mai shrugs. "I moved on a long time ago. With... six other guys, I think?"

"You really want to be involved with someone a month before they die?" I ask, baffled by Mai. She always seemed a little fatalistic, but not to this point. As I await a reply, she pauses and studies a statue salvaged from the Eastern Air Temple. It is charred black.

"Fire Lord Ozai asked me to keep Zuko occupied with me so he would forget about Water Tribe and not try anything," she says in a complete deadpan. I swallow any words of surprise I would have uttered.

"But you like him, don't you?" I ask, confused. The way Mai looked at Zuko when he returned to the Fire Nation for public punishment was of agony.

"Of course I do. But I like my life better than his." Mai shrugs.

I walk through the rest of the museum with her.

* * *

_**Zuko**_

I wake up from a bad dream and find myself in a nightmare. The smell of antiseptic and salt fills my nostrils as I register that I am in Sozin Memorial, in the Fire Nation, counting down days to my death. I tug at the IV on my inner arm and sigh. More time wasted that I could be using to prepare for my fight against Azula, or alternatively, rescuing Katara and Uncle and getting out of this nation.

The sounds of the city are strange to me. It has been a long time since I heard the sound of traffic or chatter on a cell phone. The wheels of carts going between hospital rooms squeak and contribute to my splitting headache. It is _busy _here in the Fire Nation, and I find it odd.

"You're coming to the prison." My father jolts me awake. He looks angry, and not at me. He has bandages on his neck and I briefly wonder what hurt him, but all I can think is _don't cross him_. Obviously the Fire Lord has had a bad day, and I do not plan on making it any worse, as much as I hate him. "I brought you clothes. Get dressed and get moving."

I obey. It sickens me to obey a man who would lure me to my Nation and force me to die at my sister's hand on live television. To comply willingly to a man who put Katara in a brothel. To listen to a man who took my uncle, stole his throne and presumably has been torturing him. But I do it because I do not know anything but obeying Ozai.

I'm driven, beside my father, through the grungy slums of the Metropolis. To avoid conversation, I stare through the window. All I can see is drug addicts and the impoverished, refugees and _families_. The wasted faces of the starving and the addicted. The Fire Nation propaganda films show volcanic scenery and beautiful, shimmering buildings of industry.

The propaganda films do not show this underbelly.

"It's disgusting, I know," father says and I'm startled by his contempt for his own citizens.

"They don't deserve to live like this," I say quietly, and he laughs. "What's so funny?"

"You're soft." He shrugs. It reminds me of Azula and I feel slightly queasy. No wonder he loves her more; she is exactly like him.

Finally, on the outskirts of town, near the Industrial District, we reach the Capitol Prison. It looks grim and grey from the outside, and two guards are standing casually and smoking by the front gates. My father's limousine pulls through without anyone stopping us.

He gets out quickly, as soon as the car stops and I hesitantly follow him. The sneer he gives me as I wince from the pain in my still-bloody back gives me the urge to punch him. But right now, I am getting what I want. Uncle is being freed to train me for the Agni Kai.

The guards grovel to my father and eye me with condescension as we walk towards the warden's office. The pain still surges through my body, but I will not let anyone see me as weaker than I already appear. If I'm supposed to defeat Azula, the Fire Nation's sweetheart, I have to be tough.

We arrive at a small, cramped cell. Something inside of me roars as I think of my uncle being held like this, in such inhumane conditions. If it weren't for him, I would have been dead long ago.

"You know, he was the one who let you in the war meeting," father says, holding me back as guards enter to gather my uncle. I tried to bolt inside and his lips twitched as if it were amusing. "He only went with you because he felt responsible."

I know that. Of course I know that but I don't dignify my father with a response.

When I see my uncle, I almost recoil.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I'm in Mai's house, having a _sleepover_. It is a sleepover not based around sex and I have to admit I'm pretty amazed. She seems fairly normal when she is not stabbing anyone. Not that I'm quite normal either, but she was more difficult to interact with all those years ago.

"You're actually pretty fun. You wouldn't think it, looking at you," I chirp as Mai flips off the lights. A purple lava lamp illuminates the room in a glow that _isn't _red. I wonder how someone who has been featured in propaganda and stood beside Princess Azula at speeches could be a _rebel_.

Maybe it is something to do with her crush on Zuko. He seems rebellious to me. Or maybe that is just because he is a traitor.

"Uh, thanks, I guess," Mai says with a shrug, looking a little confused by me. I stare at the ceiling as I lie on the inflatable mattress.

"I ran away," I say softly, even though I stopped trusting Mai around the time she helped Azula ridicule me out of school.

"When?" Mai asks. "I ran away when I was twelve and tried to live with Azula. It didn't work out."

I'm silent. "I ran away yesterday."

Mai swallows. "Your parents haven't come to collect you?"

"They won't," I say honestly. Mai shrugs.

"You can stay here if you want," she offers and my eyes widen. I never expected a gesture of friendship, even after the day we had together. "My parents won't care."

"I'd like that," I say quietly, smiling faintly. _Friends_.

I fall asleep as quietly as possible, not wanting to overstay my welcome by gossiping all night. When I wake up, Mai's parents bought _donuts_. My parents would _never _do that. We sit at the table eating them as she tells her family about my exploits in the Earth Kingdom collecting Zuko. They seem impressed.

And then someone knocks on the door. Mai's mother orders a servant to answer and heads into the other room to greet their guest.

"Princess," Mai's mother says loudly, "what can I do for you?"

Gulp. I nearly choke on my donut.

* * *

A/N: To follow up this ultra-depressing chapter, the next chapter consists almost entirely of Tyzula fluff and lemons (not the sketchy noncon lemons like earlier, sweet romantic moonlit ones). And some plot, but why plot when there's Tyzula?

Also, wondering what people are thinking? This chapter starts setting things in motion towards the Agni Kai and some wild subsequent action. If you feel like it (and I'd love it if people felt like it), drop a review and give me some insight.


	8. let me feel your heart

chapter eight: let me feel your heart

* * *

_**Azula**_

I walk into Mai's family's home and am immediately smothered by her mother. The woman is as much a lunatic as her husband when it comes to _getting ahead_. I suppose I should be able to relate to the clawing for power, but instead, I find it annoying.

"Where's Mai?" I cut off her asking me if I want a _donut _of all things. She gestures to the kitchen silently, her cheeks light pink and her lips apologetic. How I _long _to make her _grovel_.

When I walk into the kitchen, my eyes first fall on Mai, but then I see someone I would rather not. It is Ty Lee, looking absolutely terrified. She has half of a chocolate donut in her hand, and she is gazing at me with watery, sparkling eyes. All I can think of is those eyes in my closet, watching what happened with my father. It sends shivers through my body and pains my soul. Some secrets are best left secret, no matter who they are shared with.

"Why is she here?" I demand, cocking an eyebrow at Mai. And Mai shrugs. "Answer me."

"She slept over," Mai says and my eyes widen. "Not like _that_, princess. We've become friends of all things."

I'm left speechless. "But _we're _best friends," I say ferociously, shocked. Mai has never had a friend other than me.

"Don't you like Ty Lee?" Mai asks, as if prodding me. I do not know what to say, seeing as I like Ty Lee very much, but can never see her again. I like her more than anyone I've ever met. I feel an odd, warm, _melting _sensation in my gut as I think about how much I do like her.

She is my absolute opposite. And her bright light ebbs my shadows in ways I don't want to confront.

"I suppose I do," I reply airily and icily, not wanting to have to explain more to Mai. I can only hope that Ty Lee knows what is good for her and said nothing to our mutual friend.

"I don't have to be here," Ty Lee says, finally regaining control of her mouth and body. She has moved past utter shock and into mild terror. I clearly horrify her, and it oddly does not please me.

Mai glances between us. "I think Azula wants you to be here. I think she wants to go out with you and she's just to proud to go back on what she said during a tantrum."

_I don't know why I haven't just executed her._

"Mai, it's fine," Ty Lee says, slowly standing up. Her bones pop faintly with her movements, as if she sat frozen for too long. I'm thinking as quickly as I can, trying to make decisions that are clouded by emotion. "I'll see you later," she says to Mai and she brushes past me. I can only smell cinnamon.

And I grab her wrist. I cut off her scream with a kiss on the lips. She falls into it as Mai snickers. My hand slips to her back and we linger like that for a moment.

"Well, aren't I matchmaker of the year," Mai remarks as Ty Lee and I pull apart. I shoot her a glare but it does nothing to dampen her overconfidence.

"Meet me tonight. I have to train today but..." I trail off. I want to run off with her this instant, but I have the Agni Kai of my lifetime in less than a month.

"Of course I will." She looks superfluously overjoyed.

And Mai interrupts with, "Have fun you two. Don't get into too much trouble."

"I am _this _close to burning you alive," I reply coldly, pinching two fingers together.

Mai only smirks sarcastically. "I like to live on the edge, princess."

I take what I came for ─ my shoes ─ and head back to the palace. My heart still flutters from the flawless kiss that brought her back into my life. I know that I'm screwing myself the more I fantasize about her, but for some inexplicable reason, I cannot help it.

I walk to the arena after getting dressed and pointedly setting the shoes in the foyer to display I went to Mai's for the purpose I told my father I did. He no longer trusts me after my trysts with Ty Lee, and I suppose I give him no good reason to. My father is waiting for me, warming up with armored soldiers. He is defeating them with ease, and he is only using intermediate moves.

"I'm here," I declare and my father waves his hand for the soldiers to leave him. He walks regally from the arena and stands in front of me.

He examines me and I feel my stomach churn. His gaze is not lascivious, which I find myself grateful for, but I feel vivisected by his eyes.

"Stand up straighter," is all he says before gesturing for me to follow him into the arena. I notice that he still has bandages on his neck from where I burned him. It has been two days since I have seen him, not even at night; he has been occupied making preparations for my rapidly approaching Agni Kai with Zuko.

"I will, father," I say, straightening my back as I stand on the cushy red floor of the ring. He smirks at me oddly.

"You have to have good posture when you're Fire Lord," he says oddly warmly and I cannot help by smile, half of my lip curling pleasantly. "Now I've watched your progress from time to time, but I have a few additions."

More than making me practice on broken glass. Or the time he pushed me out of a window and told me to save myself with my firebending. But I simply smile and thank him in response.

We begin exhausting training.

After the most exhausting day of my life, Ty Lee and I are alone together in the moonlight. We sit in the courtyard, hidden from prying eyes of my father. The flowers, whether purple, orange or blue, named after fire and ash, all sprout up around us.

"It's blissful here," Ty Lee remarks, plucking one of the flowers and twisting it into her hair with ease. I watch her, captivated by what I have in the palm of my hand. She witnessed my darkest secret, but all I want is to feel her heart beating against mine.

"Do you love me?" I ask softly, craving the answer beyond all else, although I already know it.

"Enough to risk my public execution," she murmurs, grazing her lips against mine. I snake my hand up her shirt, hoping I have permission, and my sharp fingernails brush against her flawless, round breasts. She moans and I pray to Agni that is consent.

She presses her lips against mine and our tongues intertwine. I feel her heartbeat quicken against my hand, palpitating like the pulse of the sun in the sky. And I wrap my legs around her, our clothes still on. She unsnaps my jeans with fumbling fingers.

Her fingers slip to my panties, further. And we are together and I brush my lips where they should not be, leaving traces of saliva and ruby lipstick. She slips her fingers inside of me and I gasp, shaking with surprisingly forceful motions. The utter bliss of orgasm distracts me from the slow dissection of her beautiful body.

We tumble in the bushes like peasants secretly getting laid, an illicit relationship in an empty palace. I can smell earth, flowers, perfume and sticky sweat as her hands travel around me. My body craves her more than anything it has ever desired. And I can feel her heartbeat and it feels amazing.

I have never had sex like this as I kiss her navel and dip down lower. Giving and receiving in the pale moonlight. She makes me feel alive.

"I wish this moment could last forever," Ty Lee breathes earnestly as she locates her clothes in the darkness. They are damp from the grass, just like mine. We lean against a white tree, the cherry blossoms falling in our hair as we stare at the stars in the pitch black night sky.

"Maybe it can, Fire Lady Ty Lee," I say and she looks hesitant.

"Are you just playing with me?" Ty Lee asks, her voice a whimper like a frightened pet. I brush her sweaty bangs from her face and press my lips against hers. The sensation of control trickles through my body as my tongue slips in her mouth. But I pull away before we get far.

"I wouldn't risk my throne just to mess with someone," I say in all honesty. Ty Lee looks relieved as she sets her head against my shoulder. Our fingers knit together, our hearts collided like two shooting stars in the sky.

And her heart still beats with mine, both like solar flares.

"When do you stop training tomorrow?" Ty Lee asks softly, staring at the stars.

"Not until I pass out, I'm sure," I reply earnestly and she frowns faintly. I squeeze her hand in response.

"If you have any time off, maybe we could go on a date," she suggests, her eyes glittering like a hopeful child.

"I hope it ends better than the last one," I say, raising an eyebrow. Ty Lee laughs from discomfort.

And we do decide to go on a date. I slip into the shower after an endless spar with my father. He looked disappointed that I did not win, though I knew it would enrage him if I beat him as well. Sweat, blood and heat swirl down the drain, the scalding water pouring from the golden fixtures.

When I get out I find clothes and do my hair to the best of my ability. A few swipes of make-up and I think I look remotely presentable. I stab a red crown through the bun of raven hair and examine myself for a moment.

"Well, you're going on a date. A _real _date," I say to my reflection. It feels _weird_. "Here's to hoping it doesn't end with an execution."

Our first date was an unfortunate incident. I was using it to exploit her, to make her recall the pain I put her through in school. Only now do I realize that I did it because I still had feelings for her. _Feelings_. It is easier to pretend I don't have them.

I meet her at a restaurant. It is quaint and well decorated. I also know that if my father were to find out about this, I would be in even more trouble than I am. Right now, he is under the impression that I am out training at a nearby gym with sparring partners, all of which I coerced into repeating my story.

There used to be nothing I loved more than firebending. It is alarming to think that I may be changing. _Changing_, just because of an old flame. One who likes to play with matches.

"It's good to see you," Ty Lee says earnestly, kissing me on the lips. It sends a surge of euphoria through my veins, like having lightning on my fingertips.

I sink into her slightly as we kiss again, and twice more. It grows more sensual for a moment before I break away and sit down across from her. A crystal goblet of water already sits at the table, along with two laminated menus. Ty Lee is squinting at hers, obviously on the fence about what she wants to eat.

All I can think of is my diet for training for the Agni Kai. Thinking about that Agni Kai makes my mouth feel dry; I'm focused on courting a pretty girl instead of focusing all of my energy on preparing for my fight to the death with my brother. Then again, the fight might as well be fixed, as my father said.

"Are you ready for the Agni Kai?" Ty Lee asks, glancing up from the menu. I have already decided what I want, and waiting for her is mildly unpleasant.

"I will be," I say with a small shrug. "Let's evade talking about it. It _consumes _my life. I just want to be with you."

She blushes as pink as her strapless dress. All I want is to feel her heartbeat against mine like I did last night, but precursors to sex are necessary while trying a genuine relationship on for size.

"You look stunning, princess," Ty Lee says warmly, smiling at me. Her compliments are superfluous, but I accept them anyway. I _do _like having my ego stroked.

"I know," I purr in response. Her smile falters briefly. "You know, you look good too."

She beams. Apparently that was the right thing to say.

Ty Lee talks a lot and says nothing. I listen to her, trying to understand her and why it is she makes me _feel_. I cannot quite figure it out, but I enjoy every second of our date.

I think I may be in love with her. And it might cost me my throne, as terrifying as that is.

But I almost don't care.

_Almost_.

After dinner, we are sitting in her car, which is fairly nice. I suppose she could afford whatever she desired with a family in the aristocracy. Her lips graze against mine and I realize what she wants. And I cannot help but want it to, my fingers slipping under her shirt. She tears it off and over her head, leaving her braid disheveled from the fast movement.

Her body is perfect, I notice each time. My fingertips, nails against skin, slip to her waist and she shivers. Behind her back as she fumbles with my clothes, struggling against the dress and finally slipping it down from my shoulders. I step my ankles out of it.

My fingers slide to her bra, unsnapping the hooks slowly as she closes her eyes and presses herself against me. I still wear ruby lace panties and my bra as she is stripped entirely naked in front of me. I kiss her neck, hands wandering where they should not be. Her skin is smooth under my hands, around the small of her back and up to her cleavage. I can feel the reactions of her body, shivering and hardening and moaning. It is a rush of power and love.

I can feel her heartbeat as it speeds up, and mine races with hers. She touches me, undoing the last of my underwear. I feel incredibly exposed, but I allow her to take me. I'm pretty sure right now my body counts as a river of wetness. You could've drowned someone in my panties.

She pushes me against the window and I want to fight back, but I lean my head back against the glass and let her slip her lips down my body. She presses them against my navel and my eyelids flutter. Lips and tongue, _Agni_, I gasp, it feel uncontrollable and I know that I should loathe the feeling, but I love it as she pushes me relentlessly to climax.

I slip my fingers into her and her entire body shakes with me. At first I feel she does not like it and I pull to move away, but she drags me back and tells me not to stop. And I don't, not until I've reciprocated what she gave me.

We kiss and touch for some time later, our hearts still racing, the beats almost in time. And when we are to sore and tired to go anymore, we try to locate our discarded clothing scattered around the backseat of the car. I glance up at the moon and starlight above, through the windshield. It is beautiful and crystalline clear tonight.

I forget the Agni Kai as we climb out of the car together, both looking a mess, and lie down on the hood. We are holding hands as we stare up and I close my eyes. I feel worn and tired and she leans her head on my shoulder.

_Perfect_. Absolutely perfect.

The next day I wake up still glowing. I examine myself in the mirror for a long time before I shimmy into my workout clothes. I thought I would hate having feelings, and I took that resentment out on her like she was an object I could abuse at my leisure. But now I'm falling hard and it is the only time I feel good having no control of myself.

We've collided like a cerulean supernova and an unsuspecting planet.

And I love it.

I meet my father in the training room and he is waiting for me. He is on the phone dealing with some important Fire Nation business and I start stretching. His eyes follow me in a lascivious way that makes me uncomfortable. But I should expect him to be able to do that if he desires to.

It is not as if I can stop him.

He hangs up the phone and nods for me to join him in the ring. I clamber over the steel coated ropes that keep us inside. I have slammed my back against it, greeted with pain, many times before.

"We're moving on to more advanced forms. I'm sure you've felt it was child's play," my father says and I have to admit he was right. Going over basics was a boring way to spend days. The only excitement was our spars, which I perpetually lose.

I move through the most advanced firebending with ease and father compliments me. It feels wonderful to see how proud he is of his prodigy. The fire flies from my fingertips, illuminating the room in blue. I conjure lightning at the end and shoot it into the target, hitting the red dot in the middle. Father nods in approval and I smile faintly, half of my lip curled upwards.

"Now fight me, little princess," he says, removing his shirt. I momentarily avert my eyes, and that gives him a chance to throw flames at me. I block them with the outside of my arm and run at him, throwing blue at my target. He blocks each one at the last minute and I realize that I am tripping him up.

I feel the rush as I run at the ropes around the ring and jump up, back flipping over the powerful rush of red flame he sends at me. I breathe out a blue wave so powerful that it knocks him nearly off of his feet. He stumbles backwards and I punch three fists of fire.

And with one more blast of blue, gasping from my breath of flame wearing out my lungs, I knock my father onto his back. He gasps, looking livid. I sink to my knees, swallowing. If he... if he... I do not know if I have angered him or not.

But he grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet.

"Well done, little princess. There's no doubt in my mind that you will defeat your brother."

My eyes sparkle with pride and joy.

* * *

_**Zuko**_

"Uncle," I say as he comes out of the hospital. He was recovering from his suffering at the hands of my father, from torture and abuse. And now he looks almost like himself; he is brewing tea, in fact.

"It's good to see you, nephew," he says honestly, offering me a cup. I take it and sip it. It tastes amazing. I set it down on the table in the palace and embrace him tightly. He chuckles, his significantly thinner stomach bouncing with his laughter.

"I think we have a lot of work to do. My father is with Azula right now. They're two weeks ahead of us," I say, my stomach twisting into knots. I sincerely hope that choosing my uncle was the wisest move.

"Don't worry," my uncle says casually and I remember briefly how lazy he was during my banishment. I hope I do not pay for his habits during my training. If I'm going to stand any chance against Azula, I need help from the Dragon of the West. "I'm ready to prepare you for Azula."

We walk outside to the courtyard. Uncle forces me to finish my tea before he has me stand between a few cherry trees. The blossoms line the grass. I remember going out here to play as a child and it gives me a bout of nausea. Being back in my nation would have made me so happy years ago, but now it feels me with dread and miserable memories.

"What do you want to learn, Zuko?" Uncle asks calmly, stretching. His bones crack, as if he is getting too old. I worry about him for a moment, distracted from the rapidly approaching Agni Kai.

"Lightning. That's the only way I stand a chance against her," I say smoothly and Uncle clenches his jaw. Obviously he does not approve.

Pause. "Okay," he says reluctantly.

My body flutters with excitement for a moment. I have always wanted to learn how to conjure lightning. It is the mark of a truly powerful firebender. After being told how terrible I was at bending for years by my father and sister, to be able to bend lightning would be able to prove them wrong. Is that what I want? Just _revenge_? Just to look good as Azula kills me? It's petty and disgusting when I could be rescuing Katara and Uncle.

"Lightning is the cold blooded fire," Uncle says, something I already know. "It requires clarity and balance to guide the force of the electricity through your body. Only masters of firebending are able to do it."

"Do you think I can?" I ask, my voice significantly quieter. Uncle hesitates, and then nods. I smile faintly.

"Alright," Uncle says, summoning lightning with ease. It crackles through his fingertips and he shoots it into the air. It makes contact with the palace wall and leaves a scorch mark. "Let's go through the forms."

I spend an hour learning just how to move my arms, my uncle going as slow as he possibly can. But I do not protest, because I need this if I am going to defeat Azula and save Katara and Uncle.

"You can try lightning now," Uncle says, finally satisfied with my motions. I feel a burst of excitement as I try.

And I am propelled backwards by an explosion of plain flame. I curse under my breath and try two more times to get the same result. _No_. I growl and keep trying obsessively, every second making another explosion in the grass, setting the pink cherry blossoms ablaze. Uncle swallows, hanging his head and seeming to be thinking.

"Is there an imbalance within you still?" Uncle asks and I clench my jaw. I forgot how irritating his meddling can be.

"_Still_?" I demand, shouting at him. Right now father is preparing Azula, and Uncle is asking me questions about my _feelings_.

"There once was. If there still is, there is no way you can conjure lightning," Uncle says and I growl at him. He sighs. "There is. You must heal the imbalance within yourself before you can use this form of bending. I do not know if there is enough time in two weeks."

I throw blasts of fire into the air in my rage. I punch my fist into a tree and Uncle winces. He looks ashamed of me but I don't care.

"You know what I can teach you? Something that even Azula doesn't know, because I made it up," he says and I perk up. Maybe...

"What is it?" I ask, turning away from my angry rampage. Uncle simply nods.

"I'm going to teach you how to redirect lightning."

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

Princess Azula's Agni Kai is in three days. It fills me with anxiety through the days and nights I spend with Mai, living with her. Azula visits me daily between her training, and we talk, and kiss and sleep together. We are madly in love and I think she cares about me enough to risk ruling the Fire Nation just to touch me.

Maybe I'm still just a sexual obsession. Perhaps she is playing me. But I love every minute of it.

I think we can get married someday. She promised that she would and I believe that I will be more than her mistress.

Azula comes to Mai's house and sits between the two of us.

"Three days," Azula says as the conversation dies out. As she says it, she looks mildly nervous.

"You're going to win." I kiss her fiercely on the lips and Mai sticks her tongue out. Azula slaps her knee as she slips away from me. "You know that you are."

"I, I suppose I do," Azula says and I smile at her. I believe in her completely and thoroughly, without a single doubt. "You two will be there, won't you?"

"I think it's required," Mai says with a shrug. She told me she would rather watch it on television, but we were both invited. And turning down the Fire Lord's invitation would be most rude.

That night, Azula and I sleep beside each other, holding onto our bodies.

I feel her heartbeat against mine as I try to fall asleep, but she is restless. Her face contorts as if she is in pain as she sleeps, something I have noticed in the sparse few nights we have lain together. She wakes up gasping, glancing around, clearly trying to figure out if she is in reality or if it is just another dream.

"What's wrong, princess?" I hesitantly ask as she lies back down and closes her eyes.

"Just a nightmare. It's nothing," Azula says softly, her lips curling downwards the slightest bit. I take this as my chance to get her to open up to me.

"Please tell me," I whisper, intertwining her fingers with mine. She pauses, clearly thinking carefully.

"I'm so _scared_," she whispers and it gives me goosebumps. I did not imagine her purring, careless tone could sound like that. "I'm _scared _and I don't know what to do."

I kiss her. That is my only answer and I wish I could offer her more.

"I love you," I whisper and Azula looks confused.

"What?" She has asked me to say it a thousand times. Demanded I tell her in exchange for pleasure.

"I love you. I've only said it a thousand times."

"But I'm not forcing you to."

"You don't have to. I love you." I laugh slightly, unsure about what she could mean.

Azula smiles faintly, albeit still looking confused. "My father always forced me to say I loved him. And nobody else... I never got close enough to anyone else for them to say they love me."

"Do you love your father?" I ask, knowing its foolish. Azula takes a deep breath and does not breathe out. "I'm sorry. That was rude."

"No, Ty Lee, no I don't."

I hold her for the rest of the night.

And I watch as she prepares to enter the nightmare of fighting her elder brother to the death for the pleasure of her father and the masses.


	9. the agni kai

chapter nine: the agni kai

* * *

_**Azula**_

I warm up all morning. My heart is racing as I think about the Agni Kai that starts tonight. It is currently eight in the morning, and I should have _time_, but it feels as if it is running out. Moving through forms and trying to clear my head is not helping abet the anxiety about facing off with Zuko.

"Take today off," says father as he walks into the room. I drop my hands, blue flames fizzling out. He has to be joking. "You're going to lose if you wear yourself out with training."

"I'm not ready, father," I say softly and earnestly. He snorts derisively and I feel very small.

"You're ready when I say you're ready, now go do something relaxing with that gloomy friend of yours," and father is gone with those words. I sigh and glance around at the arena. It has been my entire world for the past month preparing for this day. In fact, it has been the center of my life since I first conjured a flame so powerful Fire Lord Azulon applauded me.

So I nod my head and obey my father. Of course, I will not be meeting up with Mai, but with my girlfriend. Father does not have to know that, after all.

I take off to Mai's house, where she and Ty Lee are eating breakfast and watching television. It looks like some kind of dull reality show, which I'm not surprised they both watch. Mai's mother forces food and coffee into my hands, murmuring superfluous compliments about my appearance. I look _terrible _today.

Father told me to sleep well to be prepared to fight Zuko tonight. As if that could happen.

"Hey, Azula," Mai says casually, disregarding all protocol for greeting royalty. But I don't care; she has known me long enough and intimately enough to be blatantly disrespectful.

Ty Lee's eyes sparkle when she sees me. My heart flutters a little and I try my best to calm it, to remain cool and composed. But I am happy to see her, _incredibly_ happy to see her.

"I have the day off," I say, shifting my weight from foot to foot. I look like some kind of weakling. "I was wondering if you'd like to spend the day with me."

"Of course, princess," Ty Lee chirps blithely, leaping to her feet and wrapping her arms around me. My nostrils are assaulted by cinnamon, and I enjoy the aroma. "I would be honored to take your mind off the Agni Kai."

I think there is a layer of sex to her words, but I am not the most versed person in relationships. It is one of the few things I do not excel in. I can only think of the Agni Kai and it torments me.

"You'll win, you know?" Ty Lee breathes as we walk, holding hands. I see a woman with a camera and panic for a moment, but she is just taking a picture of her poodle-monkey. _Gross_.

"I do know," I reply softly, unsure. I purse my lips after responding and let her talk to me about the nonsense she finds important. Listening to her infinitely boring words is strangely soothing to me. I like the sound of her voice; it makes me _happy _in inexplicable ways.

"Let's see a movie!" Ty Lee exclaims as we pass a small cinema. Some _romance _is playing and she will probably drag me to it. Then again, it will distract me from sunset's impending Agni Kai.

I follow her into the cinema, holding her hand. She buys the tickets smoothly as I slip away and examine the posters. The fact that the world can go on when I feel this sense of impending doom is inexplicable to me. Action films and war epics and biopics about Fire Lord Sozin lining the ruby tinted walls seem to taunt me.

_This is normal, Princess Azula. Your life will never be normal._

"Whatcha looking at?" Ty Lee asks blithely, wrapping her arm around me. I let her cinnamon scent soothe my anxiety. "Let's go see a _romance_."

She sounds thrilled and I wish I could be as excited. But I can only constantly check my phone for the time, every second ticking closer to my final showdown with Zuko. I wish I were training, but instead, I'm eating overly buttered popcorn with Ty Lee nuzzled against me.

As the movie comes to a close, Ty Lee whispers, "Promise me something."

"I guess." I shrug.

"Let's ride into the sunset together."

I smile faintly.

"We will," I lie, because I know we will never truly be together.

But right now I'm with her.

And right now I don't give a fuck.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

The Agni Kai was sold out. It almost bothers me that our nation has such collective bloodlust, but I am simply glad we have not implemented a fully fledged coliseum. Then again, the clash between the traitor prince and the beloved princess is just pure drama in the making. Azula will win. Everyone _knows _she will win, but we have gathered in stadium seats and around television sets to watch history be made.

"Do you want popcorn or something?" Mai glances at the swarmed concession stand as she talks to me. I have little to say in response.

"Yeah, sure," I say, though I think we should be discussing the fate of our best friend. I pass two security guards locked in conversation.

"The princess is having a breakdown upstairs," one grumbles, his eyes flitting about nervously as he talks. "She's demanding the Fire Lord but he's already in his box. What do we do? I'm new here."

"She'll recover. But maybe send a medical team in the way of her servants," chuckles the guard beside him.

_No_. As Mai wanders to the concession stand, flipping a switchblade open and closed menacingly until people let her skip ahead of them in line, I walk calmly towards the blocked off stairs. A cute flip of my hair, a bat of my eyelashes and a barrage of punches earns me access, and I run up the twisting staircase to the room where Princess Azula is being prepared to fight Zuko.

"Just give me some _Xanax_ or something," shrieks Azula, throwing a silver platter of something at a wall, and then in the same motion striking it with lightning. I almost regret walking in on this.

"Princess," I squeak and the flames on her fingertips die. She looks at me and smirks, half of her lip curling in a relatively mischievous manner. I run to her and jump into her arms, kissing her neck. She shivers as I wrap my legs around her back. "Are you still having a breakdown?"

"Less so than before?" She shrugs me off of her and I gracefully land on my feet. Our _perfect _romance. _Agni _I'm in love and she's about to be named next in line for Fire Lord.

_Fire Lady Ty Lee sounds pretty nice._

My mother said I was deluded about my relationship with Azula. But I absolutely know that she is not. Azula and I are going to live happily ever after and it will be beautiful and we will have babies and cats and an _empire_. Emphasis on the _empire_.

"I'm so excited to watch you fight Zuko," I exclaim, trying to brighten up the mood. The room she is in is relatively boring in regards to decoration, and is filled with charred practice dummies and servants trying to get her dressed into the proper clothes.

She wears a gilded bikini top and ruby shorts, tucked around her body to leave the least influence on her motions as possible. Her breasts bound rather tightly to the point that they bulge in a way I find hard to take my eyes off of. Zuko will presumably be shirtless and in minimal pants. _That _is why Agni Kais are so delicious to watch.

"How did you get in here?" Azula asks, leaning against the indoor-facing window. I look out to see the ocean of spectators gathered in seats and standing around the long, steel stage meant to house the fight of a lifetime.

"Where's your father's box?" I ask softly, pressing my nose against the glass. Fire Lord Ozai is the only thing I fear anymore. I know he does not approve of my affair with his daughter, and I know I should be cautious while I'm with her, no matter how perfect, pretty and amazing she is.

"I don't know." She shrugs. Then frowns. And finally, her face becomes stony and haughty. "Help me put on my arm bands."

She just wants me to touch her. I can tell; arm bands are not exactly difficult to put on. But I slide them onto her, enjoying the sensation of her smooth skin on the palms of my hands. And finally, she is ready. Her make-up is overdone, made to show her every expression of glory and pain on the television screens and in the far seats of the stadium. The Fire Nation has made a fight to the death between teenagers a pleasurable show.

"Kiss me," Azula continues and I comply. "Lower." I do, moving to her neck. "Lower," she whispers the last one.

As I'm about to go far too low, the door opens. We leap apart, my teeth grazing against the inside of her thigh and drawing blood. I hope she does not hurt me, but she rubs the blood into her skin until it fades and focuses her attention on the trainer who has just walked inside.

I'm uncomfortably wet and awkward.

"Your entrance is in five minutes, princess," the trainer says, bowing, and I peck Azula on the lips. Hopefully the trainer does not report that to Ozai, but I honestly do not care. I scamper off as Azula takes a deep breath and exhales blue flame.

Mai is waiting for me in our seats. They are cushy and near the top, but with television screens in front of us to get better close ups of the action.

"Why don't we have front row? We're in the _nosebleed _section," I whine, looking at the advertisement on the overcompensating screen in front of me.

"We're at an Agni Kai, Ty Lee. Not a ballet," she says as if that matters. Then she sighs. "Front row seats means you have a good chance of being burned to death or hit by lightning. We have good seats. Now _stop _squirming before I cut you."

"I'm a little nervous about my girlfriend," I say before realizing that Zuko is her boyfriend. _Agni_, this is an unfortunate situation for her. It must be difficult to choose between Azula and Zuko.

"I'm rooting for Azula," Mai says and my protuberant eyes widen in surprise. I would not have guessed, so I simply shrug and try to focus on the opening act of a popular singer. They truly have turned such a grotesque act into a glamorous show.

Lo and Li are the announcers, _of course_. And I catch a glimpse of Zuko pacing on one side of the stage. He looks absolutely terrified, and for good reason.

Azula enters to uproarious applause, showered by confetti and praise. Zuko walks up to stand across from her and is met by silence. And then the cheering begins, all directed at the Fire Nation Princess. I would scream her name, beg her to win, but I find my lips sealed as if they have been super glued shut.

Announcements, cheering, it all blends together as I watch her inhale slowly. Her body is all I can see as the Agni Kai begins and she walks to Zuko. Their footsteps are almost in time, as if they have rehearsed this, and they set their arms against each other. Azula smirks faintly, locking eyes with Zuko, and he clenches his teeth as she whispers something to him that none of the spectators can hear.

_"Begin_," echo the tandem voices of Lo and Li.

Zuko strikes first. That surprises me. A burst of red flies at Azula and she spins, dodging it. And with a blazing fist, she knocks Zuko backwards. He stumbles, but catches himself with two fingers and pops back up. He runs at Azula full force and she grabs him by the chest, spinning him and knocking him to the floor. He winces in pain as she conjures flames that graze his cheek.

He jumps up as Azula throws a barrage of blue at him. He can barely avoid the fire as it dances over the heads of the crowd below. I seize Mai's hand and grab it as Zuko breathes out a blast of fire that Azula blocks with a single finger. She laughs as she grabs his wrist and fizzles out his flames.

His eyes bulge as Azula kicks him backwards and touches two fingers together. She starts to summon lightning and Zuko rolls out of the way of the electric blast. The crowd cheers, rabid for the beautiful electric blue lightning that Azula makes.

"Try again," Zuko shouts, his voice echoing through the stadium. Azula smirks, summoning lightning again.

Zuko simply stands there in a defensive position and I almost want him to duck. Azula plays with the lightning on her fingertips, showing off. Bold, brilliant; I am captivated by her.

And when she shoots it at Zuko, it hits him full force. But instead of killing him, he guides it through him. My eyes bulge as I lean forward and watch him throw the lightning back at a stunned frozen Azula. She dodges, gasping for breath. The lightning singes one of her bangs clean off.

She is off now and my knuckles are white from clutching the sides of my seat. Zuko moves forward with an offensive and Azula is barely blocking. She stumbles backwards and falls. Zuko throws a fist of red fire at her and she swallows it. She jumps up and punches him in the face, no fire involved. He stumbles backwards and coughs.

They fight fire with fire for some time. Azula is winning, then Zuko is winning. I am surprised by how well the prince is doing.

But then it happens. Cold and clear in the stadium.

The lightning collides with Zuko and he does not redirect it. He gasps, falling. Azula throws another blast of fire at him. I can smell burning flesh now. She sets her foot on his stuttering chest, and I squeeze my eyes shut.

Uproarious cheering. I cannot look.

"And Princess Azula wins." Lo and Li.

Then, suddenly, I am grabbed from behind. I look for Mai and she is gone. I look and see Azula being pulled away from the stage by soldiers as fans reach out to touch her skin. And I feel a syringe go into my neck, and my vision black out.

I wake up in the trunk of a car with my mouth and hands duct taped.

_Not good._

* * *

_**Azula**_

"What's happening?" is all I scream as I'm seized by a variety of arms stronger than mine. They pull me away from the arena where Zuko's charred body is surrounded by the flashing of camera lights. They take me away as I can barely register what is happening.

_"No comments_," bellows one of the men carrying me at reporters that have flocked outside of the Agni Kai arena. I am breathless and longing to claw away from them, to find Ty Lee. Something feels _wrong_.

I think I did it. I... I think I killed Zuko. I should be incredibly pleased and swirling with excitement but I can only feel fear and shame, a concoction of strange emotions as I'm shoved into a limousine, toppling onto my knees as it starts driving before I can settle. But my tongue does not move to threaten the driver with banishment; I am breathless.

The driver takes me back to the palace as I peer through the window and find the public in absolute awe and chaos. I suppose I am destined to be Fire Lord now; there is no one else in my way. But something still baffles me about the situation. I feel weak, confused and altogether unlike myself.

I do not have the opportunity to use my own two legs to walk to my room, I am carried by burly guards, who place me inside and shut the door behind them. I run to the window to try to push it open and see outside, but find thick metal bars on it. I try to melt them and find them to be too strong even for my azure flames.

Panicking, I spin around, looking for any escape. Bars and locks everywhere that were not there before line the room. My heart races and I fail to calm it with my breathing. I remember my father's threat about taking away my freedom after the Agni Kai; he most certainly was not lying.

The door swings open to reveal Fire Lord Ozai.

"What's this?" I scream, still high on adrenaline and flashing lights. I could almost taste Zuko's pain in my mouth and the aftertaste has not subsided. The earthquake of my victory rumbled and only the aftershocks remain.

"Your new life, until you're Fire Lord," he says calmly, as if he did not just witness his son die. He closes the door behind him and leans against the wall casually. "You did well, little princess."

"Then why are you punishing me?" I whimper, sitting down on my bed. I wait for him to come closer to me, but he does not. He simply frowns.

"I can't trust you, Azula," he says with a small, noncommittal shrug. Finally, he moves towards me as I expected, but we are interrupted by an incessant knocking on the door.

"The phone is for you," comes a desperate voice from behind the door. "It's General Iroh."

Stunned silence. I thought he was sent back to prison as soon as Zuko's charred corpse was carted off, but, then again, I was being forced away from the arena at the same time.

My father presses the speaker button and holds it in hands that tremble with anger. I feel my blood turn to ice water as I hear the calm, relaxed tone of his tea-loving-kookiness. _No, no, no_.

"I don't want to alarm you," Iroh says as if commenting on the weather, "but we have Princess Azula's girlfriend here. My colleagues plan to kill her if Azula does not come for her within the next twenty-four hours. I do not support violence, but with the death of my nephew. I cannot be certain I will stop them. That is all, brother."

And the line fizzles out. My gut clenches, my body breathless. _No, Ty Lee, no_.

"We have to save her," I say, my voice high, cracking and desperate. Father looks displeased but I simply do not care.

"I don't negotiate with terrorists. If you save her; I'll have her executed."

And I run at the door. He grabs me by the waist as my fingers brush against the golden handle, and he spins on his heel, slamming my body against the wall. I crumble into tears and he clenches his jaw, looking ashamed of the weapon he has made and the daughter he has cherished.

"Azula, you're being irrational," he growls, hot breath against my neck. I do not fight against his grasp, but I can almost feel a clock ticking within me. "She's insignificant. _Don't _risk _me _for her."

"She's my world," I say loudly, though it is not necessarily true. The _throne _is my world, myself my true love. But Ty Lee makes me feel things I have never experienced before.

"You don't ever say that about anyone. Not even me," father spits and his saliva grazes my face. I will my fingertips to light on fire, but it is as if my bending knows better than I do.

"Haven't you ever been in love?" I offer, attempting negotiation while pinned to a wall by a man who could snap me in half. I have a silver tongue; I brought down Ba Sing Se. If I could just pretend Fire Lord Ozai was Long Feng, my life would be infinitely easier.

"No." Silence. It was a worth a try. "There's no difference between her tongue and mine."

I feel a sinking, disturbed sensation in my gut at his cavalier sentence. There is a certain _taboo _to what he forces on me. Him tossing about words of sexual acts with _me_ is wrong and sick. I fantasize about reaching forward and snapping his neck, cracking the bones beneath my hands. Maybe melting his jaw into his spine. But I take a deep breath and try to use my strategic brain to figure out how to rescue Ty Lee.

"Father, just send someone to rescue her. _Please_, father." I try to break free of him and he pushes me against the wall. My back surges in pain with a cracking sound as it hits the ugly red and gold wallpaper.

"She isn't worth it, Azula." He sounds... I can't... I can't figure him out. It kills me but I can't as I just feel myself pressed up against a wall figuratively and literally.

"I can't let her die."

"Why? You barely know her. So she's _good in bed_? Or makes you laugh. She's replacable. All women are."

"You've had an awfully hard time replacing mother."

_Smack. _I deserved that. After the back of his hand collides with my face, I straighten my posture.

"I'm sorry, father." Silence. He seems to accept. "She's done nothing. Ty Lee. Please just─"

"And since when did you care about innocents?" he sneers. "I'm your father. I see the strange change in behavior. How _irrational _you've become. I can't have that for you. That Agni Kai means you will be Fire Lord and you need to get a hold of yourself. I want my perfect little girl."

I swallow, contemplating my choices very carefully. Perhaps I should abandon my love for Ty Lee and reciprocate my father's love. A life of patience, abuse and control that gives me the throne is better than reckless disregard and hot sex. The feelings she gives me when I look at her can be forgotten with enough training and political tutoring.

_But I can't let her die. I can't._

"Just do this one thing for me," I whisper and he shakes his head.

_I can't let her die. I can't._

"Azula, let her go. It's easier this way." He sets his hand on my waist and it takes every fiber in me not to burn his fingers. To _break _them. The fact that my father's bones are intact _enrages _me but there is nothing I can do.

"You can't stop me from going after her," I breathe and he grabs me by the hair. It takes effort, but I do not show pain. I will _not _cave in to him. "I will. You can't watch me forever. You have a nation to run."

He throws me onto the bed and I collide with the mattress, gasping. I leap up with trained reflexes, but with a single motion he pushes me back down.

"My bending is more powerful than yours," I breathe, lighting my hands. He grabs my wrists and the flames go out.

"But I'm much, much more powerful than _you_, little princess." The derision in my nickname makes my blood broil. He presses his thumbs down on the insides of my wrists. It only disables my arms, I could kick fire, breathe fire, but instead I let him hold me and hate myself virulently for doing so.

The punishment is not worth the satisfaction. I _hate _him. I _hate _him and the only person who _does _love me is right now being tortured by people _he _has enraged.

He rips off my shirt and I _hate _him. I want to scratch his face but I don't as he undoes his perfect, dark, suit pants with one hand. My body is sweaty and painted for the Agni Kai, he looks like a groomed and perfect Fire Lord in his suit. But the rage in his eyes is unprofessional. The cold, detached hollowness in mine... I don't know what it is.

I just don't know. Or care.

His hands press down on my neck and I _hate _him. I gasp for breath as he releases me and I can see it brings him no satisfaction. And that reaction, well, _that _pleases me.

It hurts. More than usual. And I _hate _him.

He pulls away after he comes. A slight semblance of regret on his lips, but none in his eyes. He feels nothing but pleasure. And for that above all else, _I hate him._

"Don't go after her, Azula. Her fate will be worse at my hands than your uncle's."

I say nothing.

He does not leave for some time; he strokes my hair gently and I do not move.

I _will _go after her.

But for now, I'm Fire Lord Ozai's perfect daughter.

Perfect doll. Glassy eyed and pretty.

* * *

_**Zuko**_

I wake up. That's the startling thing. I _wake up_. I remember Azula's lightning coursing through me. And the cheers of the crowd as I was declared dead, the world turning white around me as I stared up. I could hear my uncle's voice and I thought it was a hallucination. And when I heard Katara's voice, I knew I was dead.

So how have I woken up? How could I even be conscious? I _must _be dead. Azula killed me.

"Zuko," comes the voice of Uncle, accompanied by blinding white light. I look around and find myself to be in a make-shift hospital room. It has no Fire Nation insignias, and no windows. This is sketchy to me, but I accept that it is better than being murdered. "I am glad you are awake. Have some tea."

That is definitely Uncle.

"Katara? Azula?" Names spill from my lips.

"Azula is the victor. Katara will be rescued. We will leave the country in one week's time. But first, my friends and I have a matter to attend to."

I sip the tea and ask no more questions.

The chamomile puts met to sleep, and I am no longer in pain as I feel blissful dreams wash over me. When I open my eyes, I see something stunning.

"Katara?" I breathe, shocked. She smiles faintly at me.

She looks wounded and half broken, but incredibly beautiful. I cannot describe in words how much I missed her, and her big blue eyes and smooth dark skin. She is, I'm sure, the love of my life, after all that we have been through together. And I thought I would be dead and she would be doomed to life as a prostitute. She kisses me on the lips and I feel a warm sensation surge through me.

"It's good to see you, Zuko," she whispers, sitting down beside me on the hospital bed. "We're going to get revenge on Azula."

"We should just leave the country. Azula's too strong," I say and Katara frowns. Her passion and emotion are things I respect about her, but right now we need to be level headed and escape the Fire Nation.

"We have her girlfriend locked up here. She'll come for her," Katara says, kissing me before I can protest.

The sex we share is beautiful tonight.

And in the morning, she is still lying there beside me.


	10. caged bird freed

chapter ten: caged bird freed

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I'm pretty sure I'm going to die.

Well, I'm being as optimistic about it as possible. There is always a chance that my hands or feet will be free enough to slam against a pressure point, or that Princess Azula will show up as she is supposed to. Or if I'm being too optimistic, that an asteroid will hurtle into the Earth and the mess I've made will disappear with all of humanity.

But my heart is racing in fits and starts and my mouth is dry. I can still taste blood, but for some reason, it contributes no moisture to my tongue. The dark, dank room I'm held in smells metallic in a sickly sort of way.

Secretly, I don't want rescue to come. Because it would mean they have her. I always thought that the Fire Nation propaganda was one-sided. Azula's Uncle was always a kindly man, and he is the only one here who seems to care about my life remotely. When Zuko returned from banishment, I thought he was changed.

I was right, I guess. I sometimes hate being right about things. It's easier not to think.

I try really hard to _not think_. I'm good at that.

So, I'm being held for ransom. I'm to avenge a televised Agni Kai that my sort-of girlfriend won. Key word sort-of. We're not technically supposed to be together but... I never was too good at following rules.

When Azula wandered back into my life, it was like a stray lightning bolt that burned down a forest. A spark between us turned into a wildfire. She is napalm. I got caught in the blaze.

Resentment became romance. Fear became pleasure. I lost myself in her and her transfixing web of deceit and intrigue. I let myself be consumed by fire.

And now I love her enough to die in her place.

Secretly, I don't want rescue to come. Because my kidnappers are banking on her coming for me. And there are a lot of them. She may be a prodigy, but they have been preparing for her for a long, long time.

If you told me a couple of weeks ago that I would be in the middle of an affair with the crown princess, I would have probably laughed. It is a ludicrous idea.

And now, after the madness, after every insane twist and turn that brought us together and apart in a lust that could destroy an empire, I would be willing to die in her place.

_Please don't come, princess._

I try really hard to _not think_. Not thinking too hard was always my strong suit.

I hear the door open.

I'm stunned speechless when I see the Water Tribe girl. She looks shaken and half broken and I think of what Azula said her father did to the Water Tribe peasant. I swallow; this cannot be good. If she is my kidnapper, I could be water-boarded or worse. She simply looks at me with a scowling face.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she says and I breathe a small sigh of relief. "Princess Azula, on the other hand..."

That fills me with rage. A monster within claws at my throat, but I silence it.

"She won't come for me," I say, though I know it is not true. I am certain that Azula is on her way right now, and that thought revolts and terrifies me.

"So why did you get involved with her anyway?" the Water Tribe girl asks, crossing her arms and examining me with her big blue eyes. I find her sexually attractive, but no one as beautiful and intoxicating as Princess Azula.

"It's been kind of fast. I mean, we almost got matching tattoos on day two of our relationship. She... wasn't behind that," I say watching the Water Tribe girl pace. I am hoping I can keep her talking until I can think of a way out of this. But I am _not _the best thinker. "I'm in love with her. And she's in love with me. But she would be smarter just to take the throne and forget about me."

"You don't feel jealous and possessive of her?" the Water Tribe girl asks, looking surprised.

"I'm lucky I had the time with her... even if it's cut short. I try to be optimistic." I shrug and the Water Tribe girl purses her lips. She stares at me oddly with her cobalt blue eyes, eyes blue like Princess Azula's fire, and only looks up when she hears footsteps coming down the hall.

It is General Iroh. He says, "You weren't harming her, were you? I do not want to be rude to our guest."

"My brother is dead. Because of people like _her_," the Water Tribe girl snarls and Iroh swallows.

"Your love for Zuko proves that the Fire Nation is not all bad." But it clearly does not abet the Water Tribe girl's hatred. "Ty Lee, let me tell you why we are bringing Azula here. Katara, will you go fetch my tea kettle? The portable one."

"Why? Other than to kill her," I murmur, imagining his flames going into the chest of the woman I love. I don't think I could live without her. I _barely know her _but I do not think I could live without her if I tried.

"If she comes for you, it means she is ready for the task she must complete. She must kill my brother and take the throne," Iroh says and I'm stunned. He has always been a pacifist since his failure at Ba Sing Se. That was one of the reasons he was criticized when he chose exile with Zuko.

"How would that help anything?" I ask softly and Iroh frowns.

"More violence is not the answer. But now, I want my nephew to be safe. And I want my niece to be happy. Now, Fire Lord Ozai must die. And Azula must be the one to do it." He sounds sad about the fact.

"Why don't you? You could be Fire Lord," I say and Iroh slowly shakes his head.

"This is the way it must be. If she does not, Zuko must."

"Zuko died. I saw him die."

"He's alive. And I know he will lose against my brother. Azula is the only one who stands a chance. The public loves her. She could give the rest of her family freedom, including Katara. The Fire Nation has won the war. But it will collapse under itself with Ozai. Let Azula kill him," Iroh says and I frown. Azula would not kill Ozai; there is no way she would, no matter what he does to her.

But I think it would bring her some form of peace. I do not know _what _form of peace that would be. But maybe it would free her to send her antagonist up in flames.

Fire Lady Ty Lee could stop being a pipe dream and be a reality.

But Iroh seems as sad about the fact as I am.

He removes my shackles as Katara returns with the tea kettle.

* * *

_**Azula**_

My father leaves when he thinks I am asleep. I can still feel his hands on me and it sickens me. At this moment, I have decided that I hate him, and there is no changing that. He will _not take her from me_. Fire Lord Ozai has stolen everything I have ever loved to secure my devotion to him. But he will not take her.

Never.

On the other hand, I want to be Fire Lord. My goals matter more than some pathetic romance I kindled with a petty excuse for a noble. But the cold, calculating mind of mine is captivated by the ridiculous grin and airheaded comments of the woman I am in love with. It is a _true romance_. She is beautiful and I love her. Father will not take her, even if it means unraveling everything I have so carefully and devotedly worked for.

Once I have her I do not know what I will do. But nothing distracts me from my goals. _Almost _is not good enough. There is no _almost _with my love for Ty Lee.

I get dressed and try to find my phone. It hits me that father has taken it. I tug on the bars on the window, rattle the lock on the door, throw open the closet and then sit on the bed, defeated.

_Am I defeated? Princess Azula thwarted by simple metal bars? This isn't possible. I am a carefully honed weapon. I am the Fire Nation's greatest asset. I will save my true love no matter what father throws at me._

And I melt the bars on the window. Blue flame licks the metal as it slowly drips through the floor, burning the wood like acid. I punch open the glass and clamber over the sill, floating down on blue flames from my palms. I am flying. I'm... flying. Fuck my father, because I am _flying_.

I run to a payphone and scrounge in my pocket for copper pieces. Pushing them into the slot, I dial the number Uncle said. I memorized it; repeating it over and over in my head as I was subjected to my father's sexual desires. It is permanently engrained in my memory as the way that I will do what _I want _and not what father wants for me.

His perfect daughter is long gone; Ozai was right.

Father was right. And now he will pay.

An hour later, I find myself at the front door of a seedy bar.

"I'm here for Ty Lee," I growl, lighting up my fingers if they dare to protest. And the men guarding are wise enough not to. I walk in, shoving people aside as they sit with their alcohol and Pai Sho, and force myself into the backroom.

"You can't be in here," stammers a woman in a filthy apron and I silence her with one look.

"Give me Ty Lee before I burn this place to the ground and slowly _cook _everyone in it daring to _breathe_," I say, soaring on the high of the power in my words. I feel invincible, unbreakable and infinite.

"Niece," comes a voice that sends shivers up my spine.

_"Azula, I want you to see what happens to traitors," father says, touching my waist as I am readying myself for school. I slip away from his touch, tugging my shirt down, and he does not penalize me for it. Good. I'm thankful._

_ "I have Chemistry in─"_

_ "Little princess, when will you need _chemistry _while you rule a nation. No, allow me to show you what happens when you dare to defy me," he says, taking my hand. "We're going to visit your uncle."_

_ Father leads me to Capitol Prison. I fiddle with my skirt and he slaps my hands to make me stop, deeming it undignified. And I, of course, as father's perfect little doll, obey. We walk into the prison and I wonder what it would be like if he threw me in here. Hopefully he will not. Hopefully, I will walk free and never be banished like Zuko or shamed like Uncle._

_ I will be Fire Lord._

_ We reach Uncle's cell and I look inside. But, like when Zuko's face was melted and charred, I do not turn away and recoil like my father wanted me to. I am captivated by his blood-matted hair and labored breath. The way his skin hangs loose where he was once fat. I _love _the sight of it, because it makes me feel strong._

_ "Do you want that to happen to you, little princess?" father asks, taking my backpack from me and holding it as if he were another father, and not Fire Lord Ozai._

_ "No father," I say, standing on my toes to get a better view of the nails driven into my Uncle's skin. Blood bubbles from the broken flesh._

_ "Then never defy me."_

_ I do not intend to ever disobey._

"Hello, uncle. You look well," I say icily. "Give me Ty Lee and no one has to get hurt."

He pauses. "I do not intend to harm her or you. Would you like some tea?"

The old man has gone senile. I knew it.

"I want to talk to you about something I hope you can do," he says and I sigh.

"I'm not in the mood, uncle. Father doesn't know I'm here," I say and Iroh pauses.

"I want you to know that Zuko is alive. And that, if you were to usurp your father, you would have support." It is not something I ever would have imagined coming out of my uncle's mouth. "You can have your girl back."

And a scoff comes from behind him. The water peasant.

"You can't be serious, Iroh. Ty Lee is our only leverage," she says sharply, looking livid. She glares at me and I wonder if Zuko is truly alive or not. Maybe it is one my uncle tricks.

"Uncle, in our family, things are not always exactly as they seem," I say, glancing between them.

"I am transparent now, Azula. Take Ty Lee. But consider taking what is yours; the throne."

I raise an eyebrow. "Well this was a tedious waste of time."

Hmph.

And I was hoping I would get a chance to hurt someone.

* * *

_**Ty Lee**_

I kiss Azula when she rescues me and I do not let go until she pushes me away. We sit in a cab together on our way back to the palace, unable to keep our hands off of each other. It is so disgusting and I somewhat love it. Like I love her.

"My father won't be happy," Azula whispers and I want to scream that I don't care. But I only kiss her and touch my tongue to her neck.

We are together.

"Ty Lee," Azula says softly, pulling away from me as I am about to slide my fingers into her, "I want you to know something. It sounds weak, but I feel the need to say it."

"I won't tell, princess," I say kindly, blithely, my voice like a wind chime.

"I think that I was meant to fall for you. I think that you're the key to set me free," Azula purrs, somehow managing to make such romantic words sound cavalier and careless. She leans against the window of the cab. "You're the angel sent to save me, Ty Lee."

I think she might be just playing with words. The silver tongue that conquered Ba Sing Se. But it melts me.

"My father is going to take you away from me," Azula continues and I realize she is going into one of her famous speeches. "But I want you to know that you've changed my life forever. I sound _sappy_. I sound _weak_. But the reason I was willing to risk it all to save you, is because you saved me."

She says it like one of her speeches causing a surrender, or swaying the public in the unpopular direction. I know she is using her skills as a manipulator, but I sense something genuine in her words. The glint in her eyes when she looks at me, as if I am something that empowers her. Maybe I do. Maybe.

And when we get out of the cab, I suddenly realize why she was giving one of her speeches. I am seized by soldiers and Ozai himself has wrapped his arm around Azula.

"You shouldn't have done that, Azula," Ozai growls, digging his fingers into her hip. She closes her eyes wordlessly as I look on, helpless. "I've slated your little pet for public execution in two day's time. Take her to the prison, men."

I am dragged away, clawing, kicking, begging. Azula does not open her eyes as I am dragged far out of sight. And thrown into a grungy prison. I sit in there, shackled to the wall, and wish that the asteroid had come.

In the wake of our affair, we left only ashes.

And I _loved her_.

She _used me _and I loved her.

* * *

_**Azula**_

"Father, you don't have to execute her." I kneel before the throne, my sweaty palms on my knees. "Father, _please_."

_"Father, please, I am your loyal son," Zuko begs._

I imagine Zuko's Agni Kai more times than I think about my own Agni Kai. I wonder if he really is alive. I was pulled away before I could check my kill, but I could smell his burning flesh. Maybe Uncle was right, and perhaps I should... I should challenge father.

"Azula, this is the only problem with having a daughter. You fall in _love_. But it isn't real love. Your real love is the throne I'm sitting on. She'll steal that from you," Ozai says, the flames crackling oddly low. He seems more pleased that I went after Ty Lee than angry.

"No, you're glad you have a daughter because once your wife leaves you because you burn her son you can fuck her and pretend she's your wife," I snarl and the flames rise to the ceiling. It brings me great satisfaction to see them lick the stone rafters.

"Don't test me."

"I'm your only legitimate heir. I can test you all I want, father. I love Ty Lee and I will have her, even if that means killing you," I say, slowly standing up. My heart flutters. _Uncle better fucking be right_. "Agni Kai. Here. Now. The throne room. You and me. See, now that Zuko is out of the way and I can't have Ty Lee anymore, you have nothing to hold over my head. You can't control me father. I've felt _real _love and it's not the bullshit you make me pay for with my body and sick _misguided _loyalty."

The flames go out. We are plunged into darkness. And then father steps down from the throne, whipping off his shirt and summoning flames.

"I won't kill you, Azula."

"That's unfortunate, daddy. Because I'll kill you," I say, feeling so much culminating within me.

_I twirl around in circles, laughing with my father. He is showing me pointless firebending tricks. It is before anything, when Lu Ten was to be Fire Lord. Before I became all Ozai had left. But he loved me and expected nothing in return. _

_ He picks me up and I pretend I'm flying with my flames. And we collapse, sitting down on the sandy dunes of Ember Island. _

_ "You're going to be the greatest firebender who ever lived," he says, smiling faintly at me. _

_ It is before he uses me in comparison to Lu Ten to sway Azulon's favor._

_ Before. I twirl around and pretend to fight my father in an epic Agni Kai. But he is just playing with his daughter. We laugh and he spins me._

_ Perfect._

_ "You're perfect, little princess." It is before he holds perfection over my head like a treat for an attack dog._

_ Perfect._

My hands are on my father's throat. The curtains in the throne room are burning, filling it with a thick, black, acrid smoke.

"Azula, I'm your father." He shakes me off of him. I defeated him as I reminsced about my childhood. I fought hard. And I had him down and my hands clasped around his throat.

_"You have to bend lightning," father says and I struggle with it for days._

_ He starves me when I start going backwards in progress. And he eats my favorite foods in front of me as I try to channel the chi through me and hit targets with electricity. But one day I have had enough, I conjure lightning and he embraces me and tells me I am perfect._

_ I twirl around with lightning on my fingertips. I laugh and father allows me to do it, though he mutters that it is not dignified._

_ "You are the most powerful firebender who ever lived. And here you are just twirling to see pretty lights," he says with a small smile. He touches my small, slender, smooth hands and holds them, silencing the lightning._

_ "I love lightning, daddy." Smile._

And I summon a single bolt that goes crashing through his heart as he gasps.

A sole tear drips from my golden eye, unwelcomed, as I look at the collapsed corpse of Fire Lord Ozai.

He is dead.

I am free.

_I am free._

_ I am alive._

Smiling and walking with a proud gait, I walk out and say, "Soldiers, there's a body inside. Deal with it for me."

And they do.

I am free.

My first thought is to make Ty Lee as liberated as I am.

My heart is flying.

* * *

_**Zuko**_

My father's funeral is today. The entire Fire Nation thinks I am dead, and Uncle believes that is for the best. The sky is grey and overcast, but the Capitol City as hot and dry as ever. Katara and I wear hooded jackets as we stand in the sea of people waiting to watch my father's body be burned by the Fire Sages.

Azula is up there, standing alone. The sole inheritor of the Fire Nation. Katara squeezes my hand as we see the way her hollow eyes lock with the mahogany hued coffin.

"Father of Zuko, deceased, father of Azula..." drone on the Sages.

And finally, after so long, the cruel Fire Lord Ozai's body is burned and returned to the ashes from which our forefather's rose. Azula may be crueler than he, but I know that I am safe, and Katara is safe, and so is Uncle. To me, that is all that matters.

I would give up the throne for love. And, apparently, so would Azula.

Silently, I watch the smoke rise from my father's body. Azula pretends to shed false, salty tears that can be witnessed from afar. Katara kisses me gently on the lips as we watch the old world go up in flames. Azula will conquer and tear apart the world, drain resources and build dreadnoughts.

"Are we selfish, Zuko?" Katara whispers. "Should we have killed her too?"

I shake my head.

"It's best this way." And we sink into the crowd with our train tickets in hand.

Katara and I ride the train to the last stop, wondering where our lives will take us next.

* * *

_**Azula**_

Today is the most important day of my life. I thought that the Agni Kai against my brother would be, but I was wrong. Today is the most important day of my life because I am becoming Fire Lord through an altogether different act of violence. One that makes my life infinitely better, instead of drowning me like killing Zuko was meant to.

It happens at sunrise, the opposite of Agni Kais. I always found that a little humorous. Our leaders fight to the death at sunset, and the victor rises with the sun to be crowned. My coronation fills me with an insatiable joy and longing. My fingertips shake slightly as I look in the mirror. My servants did an adequate job preparing me, I suppose, despite my incessant shaking.

"You look stunning," comes a blithe, high pitched voice from behind me. I smile faintly. _Ty Lee._

"I want to kiss the Fire Lord," Ty Lee says in a high, cavalier tone. Her cheeks are light pink against strangely peachy skin. She looks far healthier than she did in the prison cell my father forced her into. And her lips presumably taste like candied strawberries.

"Well you'll have to wait a few hours for that," I breathe, walking to her. My hand slips smoothly behind her back as our lips touch. They _do _taste like candy. Sweeter than an energy drink. Her tongue slips into my mouth and presses against the inside of my cheek.

I slip my hand lower, against a rather taut curve. She sinks into me, the war of tongues ending as we almost _melt_. It would be _sweet _if I weren't _me_. Our lips linger for a moment before we break away, breathless and aroused.

"There's more where that came from," I breathe, my heart fluttering briefly at the thought that I will never have to kiss my father again. The only lips that will ever touch mine will be those sweet strawberry lips of Fire Lady Ty Lee. I was lying when I told her she was going to be Fire Lady all those weeks ago, but it will come true as soon as I pop the question during my coronation.

Mai told me to do it of all people. She _can _be romantic, oddly enough. Sullen, black nails, surprisingly a matchmaker of her two middle school best friends.

Ty Lee pushes me against a wall and I stumble slightly.

"Oh come on," she murmurs, stroking the side of my face, "you don't _always _have to be in control."

"Well, I _am _your superior," I whisper, thinking of her servitude to _her princess_, now _her Fire Lord_, next _her wife_. I own her and it is delicious.

"Well then maybe I should do a fairly interesting type of groveling." Ty Lee's fingers slip up my skirt, swirling around the inside of my thigh. I cannot help but moan as she kisses me. And then kisses my neck. I think of my begging for her to go _lower _as I awaited the Agni Kai. And this time her nose brushes against my navel.

I arch my back, leaning against the ugly red wallpaper in the dressing room of the coliseum. I sincerely hope the Fire Sages do not hear the noises I am making right now. She slips down my underwear with her nimble fingers, touching her tongue to where it absolutely should not be in the Fire Lord.

I gasp, stammer, stutter, beg. Eyes lulled. Orgasm. I pull away from her when we are finished and she rises from her knees to kiss me. I trip slightly on the lace panties that are draped around my ankles as our lips touch. My hand slips to her breast and I feel her light pink nipples harden under my touch.

"It might be your turn," I purr in her ear, slipping towards my knees.

"The coronation is about to..." and the Fire Sage trails off. His cheeks are bright red as his eyes flicker to the underwear on my feet.

"Your Fire Lord will be there momentarily," I say with twice the regality of Ozai. "But she has one little thing to finish first."

Ty Lee smirks.

An hour later, my new crown touches my topknot. The Fire Sage pushes it in, everyone around me garbed in white. I slowly stand, touching the ash and pressing it to my face. _Fire Lord Azula_. I wonder if Zuko is watching, and I feel a sensation inside of me that must be familial love.

Love freed me from the shadows of my father's overbearing obsession.

Love freed me from the shadows of my cruelty and malice.

"I would like to say something," I say, leaning down something so that my lips barely graze the black microphone. "I want to choose my Fire Lady."

Whispers in the crowd. They are silenced by the severe glances of the Fire Sages. I smile faintly, seeing Ty Lee in the audience with her already protuberant eyes bulging.

"Ty Lee, will you marry me."

_We will ride into the sunset together._

"Yes, yes, yes!" she screams from the crowd and I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

I step down, walking through bowing and groveling peasants, and grab her arm. I pull her to her feet, the two of us standing above the crowd. And I press my lips to hers.

We kiss as the sun rises over the Fire Nation that belongs to us.

I am alive. I am Fire Lord. I have all of my dreams.

Slowly, I pull away.

I am alive. I am Fire Lord. I have all of my dreams.

And I am looking at her.

She is so beautiful.

* * *

A/N: And so concludes _matches and napalm_. I hope the end wasn't anticlimactic. Originally I had Azula, Katara and Zuko team up and have an epic bending battle against Ozai. But then just the cold, quick, Azula finally having enough and just killing Ozai on a whim as she fantasizes about her childhood, appealed to me much more. The desire for that ending also shortened _matches and napalm _a little, but I like leaving it a little open.

Please, please, please review. This is actually my first complete full length fanfiction. And I've been on here since 2009... Your thoughts really matter right now.

Thanks for reading.


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